How to Deal with Your Friend Coming Out

Your friend has just told you that they are LGBTQ. You care deeply for your friend and you want the best for them. How do you best broach sensitive subjects and help them, while maintaining respect? You don't want to hurt them by being rude or insensitive and you seem to feel unsure of how to bring it up. It's a delicate balance, but this may help.

Section 1 of 3:

Preparing to Help

1
Accept them for who they are. Before trying to help them, you'll have to accept their identity and who they are. If you don't fully understand their sexual orientation or gender identity, do some research on it and check out some of these sources to get the facts:
- Trevor Project Resource Center
- PFLAG - Glossary of LGBTQ Terms
2
Know that someone's coming out to is a big sign of trust. Your friend coming out as LGBTQ isn't something to be taken lightly. When somebody informs you that they are LGBTQ or even questioning their sexual orientation or gender identity, they usually have a great amount of trust in you.
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Section 2 of 3:

Being Respectful

1
Avoid judging your friend. Remember that everybody is different, and simply because you don't understand something doesn't mean you should judge it.
2
Don't "out" your friend. Outing someone is the act of exposing someone's sexual orientation or gender identity to others without that person's permission. As mentioned earlier, when somebody comes out to you, it's a big sign of trust. Don't betray this trust, as it can be extremely hurtful and can cause distress for your friend.
- When your friend comes out, ask them if you can tell anyone else or not.
3
Remind your friend that you love them no matter what. Assuring your friend that you'll always care for them regardless of their gender identity or sexual orientation will go a long way. Being accepting and supportive will certainly go a long way.
4
Remember that your friend is still the same friend they were before they came out. There are many people all over the world who have to cope with their own uncertainty, their own coming to terms with their identity, and the process of coming out. Try not to think of their orientation as everything about them, but rather just another part of the same friend you had before.
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Section 3 of 3:

Helping Your Friend

1
Show support and kindness. In order to be a good friend in general, you must be supportive. Being supportive is a key part to being friends with somebody who identifies as LGBTQ. You'll need to understand and accept them for who they are before offering help.
2
Help them come out to others, if they want to. Your friend might only want you to know they're LGBTQ, but they might need help coming out to a parent, sibling(s), or someone else--coming out can be complicated. Ask your friend if they plan on coming out to others and if they would like your help.
3
Trying helping them find a partner if that's something they're interested in. Introduce them to friends, hook them up with somebody, or encourage them to go to LGBTQ hang outs to meet other queer folks.
4
Listen and talk to them. Your friend might not need anything other than somebody to listen to them and assure them when they have troubles.
5
Give advice when needed. Try not to offer advice unless you're asked for it--sometimes, your friend might just need somebody to listen to them without feedback.
6
Ask them what they need from you. Maybe your friend needs something specific from you. Simply ask them what you can help with or how you can support them.
- Don't be surprised if your friend doesn't want any help! They might be independent and want to do things on their own.
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How do I tell if my man is gay?
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If you have reason to suspect that he's attracted to members of the same gender, sit down for a calm one-on-one talk to address your concerns.
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Remember that sexual orientation and gender isn’t a choice.
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