How to Deal with Someone Who Fact Checks During Conversation

Conversations in the age of smartphones can be difficult sometimes. However, dealing with someone who pulls out their cell phone to fact check during a conversation can be frustrating. You may feel like they don’t trust you or that they are not engaged in the conversation. To deal with this situation, start by making sure your facts are correct, avoid being on your phone around the person, ask everyone to put away their phones, and talk to them about their behavior.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Changing Your Behavior

1
Let it go. One way to deal with someone who fact checks during your conversation is to just ignore it. Letting it go may be the easiest way to deal with it since you won't have to confront someone. Accepting that the person is going to fact check may help you move on from your frustration and ignore them.
- Whenever you are around the person, repeat to yourself, "Let it go. It doesn't matter that they fact check. It has nothing to do with me and my part of the conversation."
2
Make sure your facts are correct. Sometimes, people fact check to prove others wrong, especially if they believe others are always providing incorrect details. To help the other person feel confident in what you say, only provide information that you know is correct.^{[1]XResearch source}
- If you know you are going to have a conversation about current events, history, pop culture, or other topics, do some research beforehand.
- If you are unsure about whether your point or idea is true, consider not voicing it around the person who fact checks everything.
- If you do introduce a subject that you're uncertain about, make sure to let the other person know that you are not completely familiar with that topic. You can say something like, "I've heard some people say this before, but I haven't looked into it much myself."
3
Put your phone away during a conversation. If you feel uncomfortable suggesting that the other person put away their phone, try setting an example. Make a show of putting your phone on silent or slipping it into your pocket or bag.^{[2]XResearch source}
- This gives the other person a cue that you are not on your phone, so maybe they will be less likely to be on theirs.
4
Excuse yourself when the person gets on their phone. You may want to make a show of leaving when the person gets on their phone. You can make it a habit to excuse yourself whenever they get on their phone to show you think that being on the phone is a private not social activity.^{[3]XResearch source}
- For example, if you are talking to the person and they pull out their cell phone, say, “I see you’re busy on your phone. We can pick this conversation up later.”
- If they say they are just checking facts, you can still end the conversation. You might say, “When you finish your business on your phone, you can find me and we can finish our conversation.”
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Dealing with the Person

1
Ask the person to focus on the conversation. Be upfront and honest about what you expect from a conversation. If something annoys you, express it in a non-judgmental manner. For example, when someone is constantly on their phone, whether it is to check facts or update social media, that action interrupts the natural flow of conversation. Politely ask the person to focus on the conversation, not double checking that every fact is 100% accurate.^{[4]XTrustworthy SourceHarvard Business ReviewOnline and print journal covering topics related to business management practicesGo to source}
- For example, you may say, “Can you put away your phone? I'm distracted by it. I prefer it when you don't check everything that comes up while we talk.”
- If you are having a debate or need facts for a presentation, fact checking is okay. However, when most people talk, they are not worried about facts. They relay stories based on their memories, sometimes embellishing or adding details for emphasis. When someone fact checks, it takes away from this natural storytelling experience.
2
Ask people to put away their smartphones during conversations. Though it may be awkward at first, you may consider asking others to put away their phones during dinners, get togethers, and conversations. This helps keep the conversation focused on the people and exchange of ideas, not on double checking the accuracy or minutia of everything someone says.^{[5]XResearch source}
- This may be easiest at social engagements, such as dinners, small get togethers, or group activities.
- Try saying, “I propose that we all disconnect for the evening and enjoy each other’s company. Can we put away our cell phones so we won’t be distracted by social media, texts, or looking things up?”
- You may add that everyone should leave ringtones on so they can be contacted in case of an emergency.
3
Tell the person how you feel. If nothing else works, you may consider talking to the person about their actions. Tell them that it bothers you. Explain that you would like to focus on the conversation and exchange of ideas instead of perfect facts or getting every detail correct.^{[6]XResearch source}
- You may consider telling them that you feel like being on a cell phone in a conversation is rude, or that you don’t appreciate being fact checked like they don’t trust you.
- For example, you may say, “It really bothers me when you fact check everything during our conversations. It makes me feel like everything I say is wrong and pulls you from the conversation. I would like just to talk to you and exchange ideas, not look up everything we say.”
4
Use "I" statements. When talking to the other person about this issue, you should express your point of view without sounding like you are passing judgment on them. "I" statements are ones that use "I" and "me" instead of "you" and "you're." These can help you express your point without blaming or accusing the other person.
- Instead of saying, "You're always challenging what I say," you can say, "I appreciate it when conversations don't revolve around constant fact-checking."
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Addressing the Motives Behind the Fact Checking

1
Determine the motives behind the fact checking. If possible, see if you can figure out why the person fact checks during every conversation. Do they want to show up other people and seem more knowledgeable? Or are they trying to be part of the conversation and feel insecure about their knowledge?^{[7]XResearch source}
- You can generally figure out if a person is being rude or not by their tone of voice and how they use the fact checking in the conversation.
- If someone is being rude, you would deal with them differently than if they are insecure.
2
Talk to the person about their rude behavior. If the person who is fact checking is doing it to be rude, you may want to confront them about their behavior. Constantly one-upping someone or looking things up to be superior does not make anyone in the conversation happy.^{[8]XResearch source}
- For example, you may say, “I do not appreciate when everything I say is challenged or checked online. When this happens, it makes me and others feel bad. Can we talk about how to come to a place where everyone can feel comfortable talking?”
3
Reassure the person if they are insecure. If you believe the person is fact checking because they are insecure or unsure about the topics, talk to them. Tell them that they do not have to fact check and be completely knowledgeable about the topic. Assure the person you want to hear their ideas instead of something they read online.^{[9]XResearch source}
- For example, tell the person, “I know you fact check to try to be accurate about everything. We’re not worried about that. We want to talk to you, not have you on your phone during the conversation. We’d rather hear your thoughts than something you have read online.”
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