How to Deal with Negativity

Dealing with negativity in life is virtually unavoidable. When we are out in the world, carrying on our day to day lives, we are going to deal with the odd angry driver, the impatient customer, the miserable sales clerk, the demanding boss. It is how we personally handle ourselves in these situations that defines how we choose to lead our lives: with negativity, or by being positive.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Dealing with Negativity at Work

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Start with an outlook that combats the negativity. Here is a scenario: You woke up late, so the kids got off late to school. You call into work, talk to your boss, and let him know you are running behind, but will get there as quickly as you can. Today of all days, traffic is worse than usual, so you are a half hour late. As you walk to hang up your jacket, apologizing to your boss for your late arrival, he says "No problem, thanks for the heads up. Oh, by the way, I sent Jay over to head office for training and then Taylor called in sick, so we'll be pretty busy today." What? You have two people to handle a four people work day!?! How are you going to get your day back on track?
- You could ask your boss if he is nuts, expecting you to pick up the slack for two absent employees (knowing full well that he typically sits in his office playing with numbers and budgets on his computer).
- You could stay silent, your fury slowly building throughout the day, as customers complain about "what is taking so long?". You think you are covering it up well, plastering a smile on your face, but a miserable, self conscious, angry wreck on the inside. By the end of the day, you are mentally and physically exhausted, and leave work feeling absolutely miserable. Tears of anger stream down your face as you drive home, and all you want to do is go to bed.
- You could decide that you are going to make the best of a bad situation. You know you are in for a long, hectic day. When a customer snarls "What is taking so long?" you calmly apologize. With an understanding smile on your face, let the line up at the counter know that you are sorry for the wait they are having, but you are unfortunately short staffed today because some of your team is sick. Let them know you will get to them as quickly as you can. Alas, when the day is done, you know you did the best you could, and yippee, you survived!
It is a fact that we spend a large portion of our adult lives at work. In a perfect world, our days would be filled with happy communication with our coworkers, and enthusiasm at the assignments our boss throws our way. Alas, we do not live in a perfect world. Tackle the feelings you have appropriately depending on which of the following emotions you're facing.^{[1]XResearch source}
When you find yourself angered by an event at work, step away from the situation. Go to the break room and get a glass of water, step outside and take a few deep breaths.^{[2]XExpert SourceNicolette Tura, MA
Empowerment ExpertExpert Interview. 23 January 2020.} Take a few minutes to gain your composure. It will give you a chance to cool down emotionally. Then, when you return to your work space, you can deal with the situation with more rationality.
4
Take a step back if you're envious. The feeling of envy towards a fellow coworker, because of an accomplishment or promotion, is a common feeling. Most often, if you take the time to consider the why they got chosen, you may find that there was a valid reason. Perhaps your coworker has education or experience valuable to the position they were promoted to. In that case, it is not fair to compare yourself to the promoted coworker. Be happy for them, and understanding why they got the recognition should help quell you feelings of envy.
- Also remember that there will always be situations where the boss tends to favour one employee over another. In that situation, like it or not, you have to either accept it or look to change jobs.
In the competitive world we are working in, job security can cause us feelings of unease and even fear. Be proactive. Keep your resume up to date, and keep an eye on the job market, so that you feel more prepared should the worst happen. Fear can also come in the form of workplace bullying or an unrelenting supervisor. You should speak to someone you trust; a human resources counselor where you work, or a member of the management team that is in a senior position to the employees involved.
The feeling of guilt often arises when you think you are not getting your work completed or you feel that you have offended someone in the office. This form of negativity can ultimately be a positive for us in the long run. When it comes to your work, set reasonable expectations for yourself and make sure that you meet, or exceed, these goals. With your coworker, take them aside and tell them that you think you may have said something that came across incorrectly, and wanted to apologize. In both situations, the opportunity for these negative situations to turn around or resolve themselves is within your control.
This is a form of negativity that should be taken quite seriously. It often is a sign of you feeling hopeless about where you are going in your career, or worse, it could be a sign of depression that should not be ignored. Seeking counselling, through a qualified therapist or psychiatrist, can assist you in gaining focus and help with your feelings of depression.
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Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Dealing with Negativity at School

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Prepare yourself for difficult situations at school. Another scenario: It is your first day back to school after being home sick for two weeks. You got caught up on all of your homework. You did two weeks worth of homework in four days. You are pretty proud of yourself knowing you are all caught up. First period, you have a test in history and that you did not know about. You are a straight A student, but you did not get a chance to study, and you have an algebra/chemistry/literature/history cocktail swimming in your head from all of the homework you just did. You tell your teacher that you did not know about the test, to which she replies curtly "You are part of this class, you will take the test when everyone else does". How are you going to handle this one?
- You 'could' angrily tell your teacher that it is not fair, you hate her class and she cannot do this. This might make you feel better, for a couple of seconds, get some cheering from your classmates, and ultimately get you sent to the principal's office.
- You could keep quiet and take the test with the rest of your class, knowing darned well that you are not going to do well. Your stomach will be in knots until you finally see your results. You do not want to even think about what grade you will get on the test.
- You could take a deep breath, try to relax, and do the very best you can. Yes, you are likely not going to get the A that you are used to, however, whatever grade you get, you be proud of. You are taking a test for which you were unprepared, after doing a mountain of catch up homework. When the time comes for the term grade to be posted, maybe, just maybe, your teacher may surprise you, and give you an overall grade based on the type of student you have been the whole term.
As any child becomes a teenager, they go through many changes, physically, mentally and psychologically. For some, it is a time of great memories and friendships. For others, it can be a time of insecurity, isolation and loneliness.
When a person is in a situation where they are angry, but they know it is not appropriate to vent their anger, they hold it inside. This is called "stuffing". It is alright for a short time, but we cannot "stuff" our feelings forever. It is not healthy to bottle up your feelings. It can cause irritability and irrational behaviour over time.^{[3]XResearch source}
4
Get help if you're being bullied. Sadly, this does not occur solely between children anymore. It is reported that students are now being victimized by their teachers.^{[4]XResearch source} Children are in a particularly precarious situation, because the teacher is in a position of power and children are taught to treat their teachers with respect. In cases, such as the example given above, the child will typically suffer in silence. The children need to be coaxed out of their silence, if and when their parents see a change in their child's demeanor. The parents then need to meet with the school executives to do what they can to get the situation resolved.
- If you are a victim of bullying, do not:
  - Think it's your fault. Nobody deserves to be bullied!
  - Fight back or bully a person back.
  - Keep it to yourself and just hope the bullying will "go away." ...
  - Skip school or avoid school or afterschool activities because you're afraid of the bully.
  - Be afraid to tell someone....
  - Hurt yourself.^{[5]XResearch sourcewww.stompoutbullying.org/index...bullying-and-cyberbullying/are-you-being-bullied/}
When a straight 'A' student conceives that they will not do well on a project or test they have taken, they feel that they have let themselves down, their parents down. They feel the weight of the world on their shoulders. They, too, feel helpless, hopeless, and they should seek professional counseling.^{[6]XResearch source}
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Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Dealing with Negativity at Home

1
Be aware of negative triggers in your home life. Alas, the final scenario: You ran around doing errands all day. You had to go to four stores to find the exact DVD player your husband requested you pick up for your mother-in-law's upcoming birthday. You picked up the dry cleaning, got groceries, and as soon as you get the car emptied, you will be able to breathe a big sigh of relief. Ten minutes later, your spouse arrives home and what are the first words out of his mouth? "What is for dinner?" You stand there speechless. Now, what is your reaction!?
- You could go with the explosion of "Are you kidding me? You can't even say hello? Do you have any idea what kind of day I have had? It took four stores before I could find the stupid DVD player that you wanted for your mother! And that's just for starters buddy!"
- You could say you have not had a chance to get it started yet, but as soon as you get the groceries put away, and the dry cleaning hung up, you will get dinner started. You hear him flop down on the couch as the evening news is coming on TV. Inside you are steaming with anger "why couldn't he offer to make dinner?". You realize that you could have asked him, but why bother, you will end up having to do most of it yourself anyway, so you would rather he just stay out of your way.
- You could say "and 'hello' to you too" with a big smile! Both of you will likely chuckle, and after a welcome home kiss, you tell him that you are still emptying the car. It has been a long day. "Why don't you decide if you want Chinese, Italian or Mexican for supper! The take out menus are in the top drawer!" You might even find yourself a really lucky lady, and hubby will help you unload the car!
Marriage involves a variety of emotions, covering a variety of situations. Naturally there are going to be some events that are more trying than others, but you can prepare for and deal with the emotions involved.^{[7]XResearch source}
^{[8]XExpert SourceNicolette Tura, MA
Empowerment ExpertExpert Interview. 23 January 2020.} This occurs you feel your partner is speaking or acting in a way that is disrespectful. It can quickly affect your marriage bond, making you feel unworthy of respect. The best way to keep the anger from growing out of control (and growing into contempt) is to show your partner some compassion. In the example above, try asking your partner to help you out. You show him some compassion instead of anger.^{[9]XResearch source}
Feeling defensive often results from an unwillingness to take responsibility for our actions. When you feel defensive, it is best to deal with it right away, by admitting to your spouse that you are feeling attacked or misunderstood. This can lead to a reasonable dialog, rather than anger and hurt feelings.
Receiving criticism can feel like an attack. If you complain to your spouse about a particular action, you are being specific about what is bothering you. When you criticize, it tends to be more generalized and exaggerated. Instead of saying, "You could have helped me empty the car", it turns into "I have to do everything around here". Sit down and discuss this with your partner rationally and together try to focus on specifics over exaggeration.^{[10]XResearch source}
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Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Dealing with Negative Feelings About Yourself

1
Deal with your negative self-image.^{[11]XResearch source} You self esteem has an impact on every situation you encounter throughout your day. If you suffer from negative self esteem, this can cause a you to react negatively to what might simply be a minor incident.
- Exploding in anger in a situation is not going to solve anything. In fact, it will likely make things worse. If you constantly exhibit anger and rage, it is going to affect friendships, dealings with your teachers, supervisors and coworkers, and the relationship with your family.
- Keeping anger or sadness, or other negative emotions bottled up is not the solution either. Suppressing your emotions, or stuffing as therapists call it, can lead to mental health problems, as well as physical symptoms that can truly harm your health.^{[12]XResearch source}
2
Work on your personal development. You need to do some deep personal exploration, getting to understand your feelings and why you respond the way you do.^{[13]XResearch source} Ask yourself some questions:
- Who is causing you feelings of insecurity? Is it a family member, kids at school, or coworkers?
- What event(s) in your life do you feel has had a negative influence on your life? Is it a health problem? Do you have self esteem issues?
- Are you filled with dread at the thought of going to school? Are you stressed out when you head home at the end of the day?
- When do you feel the most anxious? Is there a time of day, perhaps the morning, or afternoon when you start to feel depressed? What is going on at that time?
- Why do you feel this way? Why is probably one question you ask yourself a lot:
  - Why do my classmates hate me?
  - Why can't I be skinny?
  - Why does my sister pick on me around her friends?
  - Why can't I catch onto things as quickly as my coworkers?
3
Find someone to talk to. You cannot keep exploding into angry fits at people, or bottling things up inside you. It is not healthy. If you have been having these feelings for a long time, you need to talk to someone!
- Do you have an aunt or teacher that you are very close to? You can talk to a friend that you trust, but talking to someone older than you can give you a different perspective. They have more life experience, and chances are that if they have not been in your spot, they know someone who had similar feelings.
- If you have been dealing with this for a long time, and you are depressed, or have feelings of self loathing, or worse, thinking of harming yourself, you need to talk to a professional.^{[14]XResearch source} There is no stigma in asking for help. If someone picks on you for talking to a counselor or psychiatrist, they are the ones that have the problem, or need to grow up. Life is so much better when you have a positive outlook. Life is about new experiences, and looking forward to the future. Dealing with your emotions is the step you need to take to secure that happiness. Take the time now, because your positive journey to the future awaits.
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How should I respond to a negative person?
Nicolette Tura, MA
Empowerment Expert
Nicolette Tura is an Empowerment Expert based in the San Francisco Bay Area. She holds a decade of experience creating change in various non-profits then went on to operate her own wellness business for 10 years. Most recently, she worked as a Therapy Associate to a chiropractic neurologist for 15 months working hands-on with patients, helping them heal from neurological disorders like concussions, long covid, migraines, and more. Nicolette guides groups and individuals on transformative meditation journeys and game-changing mindset management workshops and retreats on empowering everyone to keep expanding beyond past conditioning and self-limiting beliefs. Nicolette is a 500-hour Registered Yoga Teacher with a Psychology & Mindfulness Major, a NASM certified Corrective Exercise Specialist, and an expert in psychophysiology with experience in nervous system regulation and breath work. She holds a BA in Sociology from the University of California, Berkeley, and a Master’s degree is Sociology from San Jose State University
Nicolette Tura, MA
Empowerment Expert
Expert Answer
Try to show the other person compassion since they might be having a bad day and you don't know what's affecting their mood.
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