This article was co-authored by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC. Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).
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Dating a single mom can be difficult, especially if you have no kids yourself. Remember, they are women who have baggage, but the potential benefits of having a woman and her kids in your life outweigh the drawbacks.
Steps
Her kids come first. The well-being of the children should be the main consideration. You must remember that you are not her first priority. This doesn't mean that she doesn't like you. It doesn't mean that she doesn't care about your desires. It means that she has children to care for and their needs come first. By recognizing this, you are portraying yourself as a potential father and long-term partner.
Don't play around with a single mom. This is not gentlemanly! A single mom is in a tough role. They have kids to look out for. If they become an emotional mess, it affects their kids.Advertisement
Be open and honest. Having a single mom could be a great booty-call, if this is what she wants. Make your intentions known.
Be yourself. A relationship will not work if it is built on false pretenses.
Take it one step at a time. Start with the woman and be sure you like her enough to be with her.
Get to know the kids only after you are positive you want to be with this person long-term. Let her know that you would be happy to meet her children whenever she is ready to introduce you to them. If you meet and form a relationship with the kids, a break-up is MUCH MORE DIFFICULT! This will also affect the child in negative ways.Advertisement
Expert Q&A
Tips
- Don't try too hard to be "dad." In time, the respect will come to you.Thanks
- Try to introduce the kids and her to activities that you like. It will help them to better understand you as a person.Thanks
- Don't be jealous of the ex or the father of the kids. It is difficult, but it will only cause unneeded stress for you, her, and the kids.Thanks
Warnings
- Try not to have sex with the kids around. It is very awkward.Thanks
- Don't rush! Kids need time to adjust. Take it slow and things will fall into place in due time.Thanks
- Dating a single mom is difficult. It takes a mature man... one who is confident and secure. Don't do it if you are not.Thanks
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