How to Date a Bookworm

Some people may feel intimidated by the prospect of dating an avid reader. However, bookworms often make interesting and intellectual partners. If you've got a crush on a bookworm, learning how to relate to that person and develop common interests can help you take your relationship to the next level.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Taking an Interest In Reading

1
Read the same book. Reading the same book at the same time is a great way to take an interest in your partner's hobby. You might get in a little over your head, depending on what your significant other likes to read, but your partner will appreciate the effort at bonding over a book together.^{[1]XResearch source}
- Talk to your partner about the next book they plan to read and ask if you could read it at the same time.
- Have nightly or weekly "book club" conversations. Agree to read up to a certain point and discuss your favorite and least-favorite aspects of the reading.^{[2]XResearch source}
- Talk about whether you find the characters convincing, whether the narrative is plot-driven or character-driven, and how you generally experienced the book as a whole.^{[3]XTrustworthy SourceAmerican Library AssociationOldest library nonprofit association in the world, dedicated to promoting libraries and library education internationally.Go to source}
- Discuss whether the book has a central premise, whether the issues presented in the book are still culturally/socially relevant, and what the author's reasons for writing the book seem to be.
2
Ask your partner for reading recommendations. People who are passionate about their hobbies often get excited when others want to participate in or discuss those activities.^{[4]XExpert SourceLaura Bilotta
Dating Coach & MatchmakerExpert Interview. 7 July 2020.} Bookworms are no different. If you ask your significant other for a list of books to check out, they'll probably be more than happy to oblige.^{[5]XResearch source}
- Start by reading your significant other's favorite book. Most avid readers will be excited that you're reading their favorite book since it means you'll be able to talk about it together.
- You can also ask for general recommendations based on things you like. You and your partner might even find that you have overlapping areas of interest.
3
Do literary things together. If your partner is a die-hard reader, they might enjoy doing literary things beyond just reading. Most cities and college towns have plenty of literary events happening every month that any avid reader would enjoy.
- Visit a bookstore together and browse the shelves for things that appeal to each of you.^{[6]XResearch source}
- Go to a literary conference or see your partner's favorite author at a reading/book signing.
- Visit literary places together if you live near the setting of any books your partner likes.^{[7]XResearch source}
- Go see a play together. People who like to read are also often interested in the theater. You might take your love interest to see a stage play or check out a Shakespeare in the park production.
4
Become more of a bookworm. The best way to bond with your bookworm crush is to immerse yourself even more in literature. This doesn't mean forfeiting your own interests and hobbies, but by extending yourself beyond your significant other's favorite books you might end up developing a real interest in reading.^{[8]XResearch source}
- Figure out which genre you like best. This may take some exploration since there are many subgenres within the primary genres of fiction, nonfiction, and poetry.
- Find authors whose work you enjoy. Then get recommendations by asking a librarian or bookstore employee about similar authors, or by searching online.
- Get into the habit of taking a book with you wherever you go. Dedicate time to reading every day, even if it's just a few fleeting minutes here and there.^{[9]XResearch source}
5
Be genuine in your interest.^{[10]XExpert SourceLaura Bilotta
Dating Coach & MatchmakerExpert Interview. 7 July 2020.} If you're only taking an interest in what your partner is reading to "score points," they'll probably notice pretty quickly. Instead of phoning it in, try to take a real interest in reading, specifically in what your partner likes to read. Even if you've never been a reader, you'll get to know your partner a lot better and you might end up finding a book you really love.
- Never hold it over your partner that you're taking an interest in their hobbies. This can spoil the joy of reading for your partner and it may make them feel guilty for having a passion for literature.^{[11]XResearch source}
- If you're really having a hard time getting interested in reading, try setting up little rewards. For example, if you finish a book that your partner is reading, you can have a fancy date night and discuss the book over dinner.
- Find other ways to make reading more fun for you. For example, you might bring a book and visit a new coffee shop you've never been to before.
- Read books that were made into movies, and have a special night to watch the movies together after you finish the book.
6
Consider taking a literature class at a local college. If you are really serious about learning more about what your love interest loves, then taking a literature course may be a good option. Try taking a course at a local community college or check your local library for free courses on how to read and analyze literature.
- Taking a literature course can help to add depth to your conversations with your love interest.
Advertisement

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Introducing Your Partner to Your Interests

1
Ask your partner to join you.^{[12]XExpert SourceLaura Bilotta
Dating Coach & MatchmakerExpert Interview. 7 July 2020.} Whether your hobbies and interests consist of photography, sports, culinary work, or something else altogether, they're important to you and your partner should understand why. If your significant other has never taken an interest in your hobby, invite them along or ask them to try it out with you.
- Offer to be your partner's teacher or coach as they try out your hobby for the first time.^{[13]XResearch source}
- Don't be pushy. If your partner doesn't want to try your hobby don't push it, and if they try but struggle don't be too demanding of them.
2
Be supportive. If your partner is new to your hobby, they might struggle with how to do it correctly. Your significant other may even struggle with staying interested in your hobby. However, if they're giving it an earnest try to get closer to you, they deserve to be praised and supported for that effort.^{[14]XResearch source}
- Give your partner plenty of praise.
- Say things like, "You're doing great!" or "Wow, you really finished that quickly!"
3
Appreciate your partner's interest. No matter how much you love your hobby, your partner might not enjoy it as much as you. They may grow to like it, but they may also realize they hate it. Either way, it's important to remember that your significant other is trying out this new hobby for your sake and try to reward them for it.^{[15]XResearch source}
- Take your partner out to eat or treat them to coffee or drinks (if you're both old enough to drink) as a way to thank your significant other.
- Sometimes just verbally thanking your partner is enough. Say something like, "I know _____ isn't really your thing, but I really appreciate the way you've taken an interest in it. Thank you."
Advertisement

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Maintaining Your Own Identities

1
Make time to do separate things. When you start dating someone, it's important to do things together and take an interest in one another's hobbies. However, it's also important that you don't lose yourself in the relationship. One way to do this is to designate some time apart every week (even if it's just a day) to do separate things.^{[16]XResearch source}
- Spend some time doing things that you like but your partner doesn't like. Encourage your partner to spend some time doing things that you don't like.
- When you spend time together after doing separate things, you'll have more to talk about since you'll be able to fill one another in on what you both did.
2
Spend some time alone with friends. Whether you're aware of it or not, you almost certainly act differently when you're alone with your friends than you do when your partner is there. This doesn't mean you should stop inviting your significant other to get-togethers (in fact, it's important for your friends and your partner to get along and spend time together. It simply means you need some alone time every now and then with your friends.^{[17]XResearch source}
- Don't stop inviting your partner; just make a point of having boyfriend/girlfriend-free time together every so often.
- Suggest that you each have your own respective friend day where you and your partner both get hang out alone with one or two of your best friends. If you coordinate days, it can reduce the chances that one or both of you feels left out.
3
Continue to pursue your independent dreams. It's important to envision a future with your partner, but it's equally important to have and pursue your own dreams for yourself as well. Your significant other can fit into those dreams, but they should ultimately be your own dreams for what you hope to accomplish in your life.^{[18]XResearch source}
- Figure out what you want for yourself out of your career and/or your artistic/creative pursuits.
- Decide what you need to do to achieve your personal goals.
- Don't factor your significant other into those plans. If they're willing to support you along the way then they're a good partner, but don't change your plans because the person you're dating doesn't fit into your dreams.
Advertisement

Expert Q&A

Search

Add New Question

Question
How do you date a bookworm?
Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Laura Bilotta is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Founder of Single in the City, her dating and relationship coaching service based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. With over 18 years of experience, she focuses on helping singles date more intentionally, encouraging them to let go of negative patterns so that they can attract the love that they deserve. Her experience, skills, and insights have led to thousands of successfully united over 65,000 singles through events and one-on-one matchmaking coaching sessions. She has been the host of The Dating and Relationship Show on Global News Radio 640 Toronto (AM640) for 6 years and is known as The Hookup Queen of Clubhouse; her popular singles club, Single in the City, has over 95.5K members who regularly join in weekly dating and relationship-focused rooms.
Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Expert Answer
With any relationship, it’s important to respect your partner’s hobbies while cultivating your own. When dating someone who's a bookworm, understand that this is an important part of their everyday life and give them space to read. Support their love for books and be curious about why books mean so much to them.
Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
Thank you for your feedback.
If How.com.vn has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission.Support How.com.vn
Yes No
Not Helpful 0 Helpful 2