How to Cope when a Parent Has PTSD

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methods

1Preventing Negative Consequences

2Taking Care of Yourself

3Seeking Professional Help

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When a member of your family has PTSD, it can have a negative impact on everyone in the family. People with PTSD tend to have more marital problems and issues with family violence than people without PTSD. Their families deal with an increased risk of emotional distress, and their children often struggle with behavioral problems. You can cope with your parent's PTSD and minimize your own risk of mental illness by taking measures to avoid emotional and behavioral problems, supporting your own health, and getting professional treatment.

Steps

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Preventing Negative Consequences

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   Say “no” to drugs and alcohol. If you are a teen or young adult, you may be tempted to use alcohol and/or drugs to help you cope with your parent's PTSD. It may actually be easy for you to access these substances if your parent uses them. Substance abuse is quite common in both PTSD-sufferers and their children.

   • Self-medicating with alcohol and drugs may help with the problem temporarily, but it is not a long-term solution. Instead, turn to healthier coping strategies such as journaling, regular self-care, or talking to someone you trust.
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   Lean on friends or trusted adults for support. You may feel alone with your pain if your parent is not capable of consoling you. You are not. There are likely a variety of people who will be more than happy to lend a shoulder to cry on or an ear for you to vent your frustrations. Don't feel like you have to face this alone. Turn to a friend, older sibling, teacher, coach, or school guidance counselor for support.

   • You might say, “Ever since my dad came back from his deployment, he hasn't been the same. I really need someone to talk to about what's going on at home.”
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   Know what to do in a crisis. One way to feel more in control of your own well-being despite your parent's condition is to develop a crisis plan. Such a plan details what you should do if you parent has an episode that places you in danger or in the event they are hospitalized.

   • It may be in your best interest to sit down with your parent on a good day and go over the plan. This crisis plan can help the both of you. It might include strategies to cope with flashbacks or anger for your parent, such as doing deep breathing, listening to calming music, or grounding techniques.
   • For you, it might include a list of emergency numbers like your local mental health clinic, your parent's doctor, and close relatives who can oversee your care. You might also come up with a place you can go to in times of crisis like a neighbor's house or the park down the street. You might go there and wait until help arrives.
4. 
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   Tell someone if you are being abused or neglected. Children of parents with PTSD are at an increased risk of experiencing violence in the home. In addition, if your parents isolates and leaves you alone often, or uses drugs and alcohol, you might not always have food to eat or be in a safe environment.

   • If you are being abused or neglected by a parent with PTSD, you need to seek help right away. Don't feel scared to call for help—doing so can even get your parent the care they need. If you live in the U.S., you can contact the National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-CHILD.
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Taking Care of Yourself

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   Consume a healthy diet. Stress can tempt you to reach for fast or convenience foods from a drive-thru or a package. Support your health by consuming a balanced diet rich in essential vitamins and nutrients.

   • Include whole grains, lean source of protein, fruits, vegetables, and low-fat dairy. Drink plenty of water.
   • Certain foods like berries, avocados, green tea, dark chocolate, and oatmeal are recognized for helping the body fight off stress and depression.
2. 
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   Get plenty of exercise. Another way to support your health and well-being is through physical activity. Getting moving can do wonders for your mental state by releasing feel-good chemicals called endorphins. These chemicals flood the body and give you more energy and a brighter outlook. Exercise can also help you stay alert and concentrate better in the classroom.

   • Aim for 30 minutes of exercise on most days of the week. Do whatever makes you feel good and raises your heart rate at the same time. Try boxing, running, yoga, basketball, or dance.
3. 
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   Establish good sleep hygiene. If you find yourself worrying about your parent on a daily basis, your anxiety could be affecting your sleep quality. Try to get at least 8 hours of sleep each night. You can also implement a few strategies to give yourself a better chance of having a restful night's sleep.

   • Turn off electronics at least an hour before bed. Make your sleep environment comfortable by lowering the temperature and using curtains that block light. Do relaxing activities like taking a hot bath or reading a good book before bed.
4. 
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   Find healthy ways to manage stress. People who are caring for a family member with a mental illness are known to neglect their own health in favor of pouring their attention and love into their ailing loved one. It's okay to want to help Mom or Dad, but you need to look after yourself, too.

   • If you find yourself frequently getting sick or feeling increasingly sad or hopeless, consult your doctor. They may be able to suggest methods to help you cope.
5. 
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   Practice self-care and relaxation often. Try deep breathing to quell anxiety when it happens. Learn meditation to focus your mind. Plan a special day to hang out with your friends or significant other to take your mind off things at home. Pour some love and care back into you, and you'll have more available to care for your parent.
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   Make time for the things you enjoy. Try to set aside at least a little time every week to work on your hobbies and do things that you find fun or relaxing. Try to schedule regular times to do things you like, even if it's just half an hour of playing your favorite video game after dinner, or a quick walk around your neighborhood in the morning.

   • Take care to set aside time to socialize with your friends. It can be very easy to feel isolated when you have a parent struggling with a serious mental health issue.
7. 
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   Give yourself alone time when you need it. Everyone needs space, and this can be especially important if your situation at home is stressful. Try to take a few moments every day to be by yourself in a quiet space. Take that time to gather your thoughts and recharge your mental and emotional batteries.
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   Accept that you won't always know what to do. It's easy to feel guilty if you find yourself struggling to deal with the situation. Remember that nobody has all the answers, and that you cannot control the situation you are in. It's completely normal to feel lost or helpless sometimes.
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   Set realistic expectations for yourself and your parent. Even if your parent is working hard to cope with their condition, change takes time. You can do your best to be supportive, but you cannot change your parent. Remember that you can only control your own reactions to the situation.
10. 
    10
    Focus on the good things. When your family situation is stressful, it can be easy to fixate on everything that's wrong. Make an effort to remember and be aware of the good things that happen in your life. Celebrate and appreciate happy moments with your family when they happen.
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Seeking Professional Help

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   Talk to your parent about PTSD. If your parent's PTSD frightens or unnerves you, you need to talk to them about it. Perhaps sharing your concerns will be the incentive that your parent needs to take their treatment more seriously. Choose a time when your parent seems to be in good spirits and ask them if you can talk for a moment.

   • You might start by saying, “Mom, since your accident, you wake up every night screaming. It scares me and I don't know what to do. I love you and I want you to feel better…”
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   2
   Help your parent learn more about their condition. In some cases, your parent may not be very well educated about PTSD. Learning more about PTSD can help them develop better coping mechanisms. If your parent is open to talking about it, you might suggest some helpful resources, like these:

   • The book Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma, by Peter A. Levine
   • The website for the national center for PTSD: https://www.ptsd.va.gov/index.asp
3. 
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   See a therapist for individual counseling. You may require one-on-one intensive treatment to deal with your parent's PTSD. This may be necessary to minimize your chances of abusing alcohol and drugs or developing anxiety or depression. If you believe you need professional help to cope with your feelings, express your concerns with a parent or another trusted adult.

   • Suggest individual counseling by saying “Dad's illness has brought up a lot of feelings in me that I don't know how to deal with. Can I talk to a professional to help me through these feelings?”
4. 
   4
   Participate in family therapy. Family therapy can be a great tool to assist the whole family in coming to terms with a PTSD diagnosis. It can help your parent learn how to express how their feeling, identify trauma triggers, and manage their symptoms. It can help the rest of the family learn how to be more supportive to your parent and cope with the stress of how the disorder is affecting you.

   • Your parent's therapist or doctor can either offer family therapy services or refer you to a professional who offers these services.
5. 
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   Attend support groups for families of PTSD-sufferers. One of the most beneficial aspects about reaching out to others in the mental health treatment community is the variety of individuals and families you will meet that help you recognize that you are not alone. Participating in support groups is a terrific way to play an active role in your parent's treatment and get support for yourself.

   • In family-oriented support groups you will learn more about PTSD, including its causes and treatments. You will also hear first-hand accounts of others who have experienced what you are going through and learn more effective strategies to cope.
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   Move out, if it becomes necessary. If you find yourself unable to cope with your parent's PTSD, or if they refuse to seek help for their condition, you may need to move out and create some healthy distance between you and them. While the ideal situation is that you continue to support your parent as much as you can, your own health and sanity must be your priority.
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Expert Q&A

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• Question

  How do I cope with PTSD as a parent?

  

  John A. Lundin, PsyD
  Clinical Psychologist

  John Lundin, Psy. D. is a clinical psychologist with 20 years experience treating mental health issues. Dr. Lundin specializes in treating anxiety and mood issues in people of all ages. He received his Doctorate in Clinical Psychology from the Wright Institute, and he practices in San Francisco and Oakland in California's Bay Area.

  

  John A. Lundin, PsyD

  Clinical Psychologist

  Expert Answer

  Work with a mental health professional and follow your treatment plan so you can stay on track with your recovery. Additionally, do your best to manage your symptoms around your children. Kids are like emotional sponges, so it's important to take recovery seriously and seek the help of a qualified professional. Be aware of how your anxiety is affecting a child in your care, and reassure them that things will be okay. Seek treatment for them if their own suffering persists.

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