X
This article was co-authored by How.com.vn Staff. Our trained team of editors and researchers validate articles for accuracy and comprehensiveness. How.com.vn's Content Management Team carefully monitors the work from our editorial staff to ensure that each article is backed by trusted research and meets our high quality standards.
There are 8 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 23,593 times.
Comments about your weight hurt. Mean comments about being overweight can really do damage to your self-esteem and are never acceptable. You can react to the comment by ignoring it. However, you can also clearly assert yourself. If bullies are called out on their negative behavior, this can sometimes make them stop. From there, talk it out with someone you care about. It's okay to feel sad and vent. Work on repairing your self-esteem if you feel bad. Do things that make you feel confident and happy.
Steps
Part 1
Part 1 of 3:
Reacting to the Comment
Walk away, if possible. If you hear a comment about your weight, the best thing to do is often to walk away. Bullies thrive on getting a reaction. If you show the boy you won't be intimidated, he may stop.[1]- Act as if you didn't hear the comment. Then, continue on your way without offering any reaction.
- You don't have to ignore the comment on an emotional level. It's okay to get sad and vent to someone later. However, pretending not to react in the moment may make the boy avoid bothering you in the future.
Let him know the comment was unacceptable. The comments may not stop in the future. You also may be in a situation where you can't walk away. In this case, it's appropriate to calmly explain the comment was unacceptable in the moment. It's never okay to talk about someone's weight, especially in such negative terms.[2]- Let the boy know you don't appreciate that kind of language. Say something like, "Calling someone fat is not acceptable language and it's a form of harassment." Bullies are often never called out on their behavior, which is why they feel it can continue.
- Even if you're very upset, try your best not to come off as angry when addressing the bully. The boy wants to know he upset you, and anger will show him as much. Use an even tone of voice rather than raising your voice.[3]
Advertisement
Make it clear you will not tolerate this again. You need to make sure you assert yourself when dealing with a bully. After you tell the boy the comment was unacceptable, lay down some basic boundaries. Bullies often target people who won't stand up for themselves. If you show you're willing to address someone's bad behavior, you will be less likely to be a target for a bully in the future.[4]- Passive aggressive requests may not be taken seriously. They may also give the boy a chance to shrug off his behavior by saying something like, "I was only joking. Relax." Do not say something like, "Can you maybe not say that again? It kind of bothers me."
- Instead, be clear. Say something like, "Do not talk to me like that again. I'm not going to continue to have contact with you if this keeps happening."
Allow yourself to feel anger. While you should not respond with hostility, as this will encourage the boy, do not repress your anger entirely. It's important you allow yourself to feel what you're feeling inside. The boy made a hurtful, inappropriate comment and you have every right to be upset and angry.[5]- You deserve to feel the feelings you have. Anger is not a bad emotion. It can often help us identify negative behavior as well as our personal boundaries.
- If you're feeling angry, acknowledge this. You can even express in a calm way to the boy (for example, "It makes me angry when you talk to me like that."). However, make sure to control your anger enough that you can express yourself clearly.
Advertisement
Part 2
Part 2 of 3:
Seeking Help from Others
Find someone to listen. Afterwards, you should find a caring friend or family member to share your feelings with. It's never okay to be called "fat" and you will need help processing your emotions. Find someone to rant to after the incident.[6]- Pick someone you know is empathetic and a good listener. Someone who's somewhat emotionally absent may not be of much help.
- You should also choose someone you feel comfortable with. If necessary, you want to be able to yell, cry, and express other strong feelings.
Report continuous bullying to an adult. If you keep getting harassed by the boy in school, tell someone. If he's picking on you, chances are he's picking on other students. Bullying can have very negative consequences and you should speak up when you see it happening.[7]- Try talking to someone at your school you trust. You can talk to an empathetic teacher or principal, or even a teacher's assistant or student teacher.
- If you don't feel comfortable going to someone in your school, you can talk to your parents. Let them know what's been going on and have them speak to someone at your school.
Seek out others who share your values. When someone calls you fat, you may feel very alone and alienated. It can help to find likeminded people. Fostering new relationships, or strengthening existing ones, can help you feel better after being bullied.[8]- Try joining a club that caters to your interests. You can, say, join the Yearbook staff if you're interested in writing. This will help you meet people who value art and writing as well.
- Being around people who share your values makes you feel less alone. It will remind you not everyone judges you based on your weight.
Advertisement
Part 3
Part 3 of 3:
Coping Emotionally
Remember you're not defined by your body. It's easy to get caught up in negative thoughts about your body when someone calls you fat. In the aftermath, remind yourself that you are not solely defined by your body. There is so much going on inside of you that matters more than your physical appearance.[9]- Think about all your capabilities, skills, and talents. Think about your identity deep down, focusing on the positives of who you are as a person.
- It's important to remember these things cannot be taken away from you, no matter what comments people make about your body. Remember you are more than your physical being.
Find ways to boost your confidence. If you're feeling bad about yourself, look for ways to boost your confidence. You can work on improving a hobby or skill, developing a new talent, or getting physically active. Even if your goal is not weight loss, physical activity can have a positive impact on your overall mood.[10]- If you choose physical activity, try not to make the focus of your workouts weight loss. This may make you feel worse. Instead, think about how impressed you are with your body's strength and everything it can do.
Love yourself. It's easy to obsess over a negative comment about your weight, especially if you're already insecure. This can have a big impact on your self-esteem. In order to build up your self-esteem, think about things you like about yourself and practice self-compassion.[11]- Write down a list of your best talents. Maybe you're a great writer. Maybe you're a talented swimmer. Think about these things instead of focusing on your weight.
- You should also focus on positive aspects of your personality. Remember, it's what on the inside that counts. Think about your best qualities. You can even make a list of things you like about yourself. For example, "I'm caring, I'm a good friend, I'm a good listener," and so on.
- Try writing a letter to yourself from the perspective of a friend who loves you unconditionally. Imagine that you have a friend who loves you unconditionally. What might that person put into a letter to make you feel better?[12]
- Imagine how you would talk to a friend. How might you talk to a friend who had just experienced what you did? What might you say to make a friend feel better? Try to talk to yourself in this way.[13]
Try to understand the boy's perspective. It can be hard to empathize with someone when they hurt you. However, it can help to try to understand what the boy was going through. The boy may be unhappy on his own end, causing him to lash out in other ways.[14]- Think about the boy in question. Do you know anything about his personal situation? Maybe he has a troubled home life. Maybe he simply seems on edge in school a lot.
- His comment may not be about you. While it was inappropriate and you have a right to be upset, he may be acting out because he's hurting in other ways.
Advertisement
Community Q&A
Search
- QuestionWhat do you do when a friend calls you fat?
Community AnswerHave a sit down talk with that friend explaining why their comments hurt you. Make sure the friend apologizes. If it happens again in the future, rethink the friendship.
Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
SubmitAdvertisement
Tips
- Avoid guys who are known to be mean to girls. Keeping your distances from negative people can prevent mean comments to begin with.Thanks
Advertisement
References
- ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/dealing-with-bullying.htm
- ↑ http://www.couplescounselingchicago.net/my-boyfriend-called-me-fat-5-ways-to-respond/
- ↑ http://kidshealth.org/en/teens/bullies.html#
- ↑ http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/06/04/5-tips-for-communicating-assertively-without-being-passive-aggressive/
- ↑ http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/06/04/5-tips-for-communicating-assertively-without-being-passive-aggressive/
- ↑ http://kidshealth.org/en/teens/bullies.html#
- ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/dealing-with-bullying.htm
- ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/dealing-with-bullying.htm
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/justin-ricklefs/reminders-for-my-daughter-after-she-was-called-fat_b_8148740.html
- ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/dealing-with-bullying.htm
- ↑ http://kidshealth.org/en/teens/feelings-overweight.html#
- ↑ http://self-compassion.org/exercise-3-exploring-self-compassion-writing/
- ↑ http://self-compassion.org/exercise-1-treat-friend/
- ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/dealing-with-bullying.htm
About this article
How.com.vn Staff
How.com.vn Staff Writer
This article was co-authored by How.com.vn Staff. Our trained team of editors and researchers validate articles for accuracy and comprehensiveness. How.com.vn's Content Management Team carefully monitors the work from our editorial staff to ensure that each article is backed by trusted research and meets our high quality standards. This article has been viewed 23,593 times.
Co-authors: 12
Updated: October 11, 2022
Views: 23,593
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 23,593 times.
Did this article help you?
⚠️ Disclaimer:
Content from Wiki How English language website. Text is available under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike License; additional terms may apply.
Wiki How does not encourage the violation of any laws, and cannot be responsible for any violations of such laws, should you link to this domain, or use, reproduce, or republish the information contained herein.
- - A few of these subjects are frequently censored by educational, governmental, corporate, parental and other filtering schemes.
- - Some articles may contain names, images, artworks or descriptions of events that some cultures restrict access to
- - Please note: Wiki How does not give you opinion about the law, or advice about medical. If you need specific advice (for example, medical, legal, financial or risk management), please seek a professional who is licensed or knowledgeable in that area.
- - Readers should not judge the importance of topics based on their coverage on Wiki How, nor think a topic is important just because it is the subject of a Wiki article.
Advertisement
