How to Cope With a Bad Situation After a Breakup

Dealing with a breakup can be hard no matter what. But coping with a breakup can be extremely difficult if you or your ex refuses to move on, or when you have other stressful situations going on at the same time. It can also be hard to cope if someone else, like your parents or best friend, has broken up and it is affecting you. You can cope with a bad situation after a breakup if you have patience and use the right strategies.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Coping After Any Type of Breakup

1
Express your feelings. Whether you are coping with your own breakup or the breakup of someone close to you, keeping your feelings bottled up will have negative effects on your mind and body. It’s better, especially right after a breakup, to let your feelings out in some way.^{[1]XTrustworthy SourceHelpGuideNonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.Go to source} When there is a bad situation after a breakup it’s even more important to express how you’re feeling about the things that are going on.
- Keep a journal about what is going on. Write about the events, your feelings, your hopes, and your fears. Try to write in your journal every day.
- Express your feelings creatively through music, art, or some other medium. For example, you could paint a picture depicting your feelings or write a song about the breakup.
- Talk to someone you trust like a close family member or friend. You could say, “Can I talk to you about how I’m feeling about everything that’s going on?”
2
Take time to be healthy. Coping with a bad situation after a breakup, no matter what the circumstances, can have a negative effect on your health if you don’t take care of yourself.^{[2]XTrustworthy SourceHelpGuideNonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.Go to source} Make the time to do things that will keep you healthy.
- Stick to a regular sleep routine. Go to bed at the same time each night and try to wake-up at the same time each morning.
- Make time to eat healthy. Your body needs all the nutrients it can get to keep your immune system stronger during this bad situation.
- Do something active. Even if it’s just taking a brief walk or doing some stretches, physical activity can help calm you, clear your mind, and boost your energy.
- Avoid alcohol or drugs as a way to cope. This will just lead to much bigger problems.
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3
Learn how to self-soothe. There may be times when you are feeling upset or anxious. In these situations, it is important to find a way to soothe yourself. A good way to do this is to learn how to practice some self-soothing activities that work well for you. Some things you might try include:
- Using a relaxation technique such as progressive muscle relaxation, meditation, or deep breathing.
- Engaging with a favorite hobby, such as knitting, playing video games, painting, reading, or writing.
- Pampering yourself, such as by taking a bubble bath, giving yourself a manicure, or experimenting with makeup or clothes.
EXPERT TIP
Amy Chan
Relationship Coach
Amy Chan is a Relationship Coach based in New York, New York. She is the Founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp, a retreat that takes a scientific and spiritual approach to healing after the end of a relationship. She has over 12 years of experience helping clients work on their relationships with strategies rooted in the psychology and science of relationships and personal development. Her team of psychologists and coaches at Renew Breakup Bootcamp has helped hundreds of individuals in just 7 years of operation, and the Bootcamp has been featured on CNN, Vogue, the New York Times, and Fortune. Her book based on her work, Breakup Bootcamp, was published in 2020 and was featured by the New York Times.
Amy Chan
Relationship Coach
Use physical relaxation techniques if you're feeling anxious. Amy Chan, founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp, says: "Anxiety is often a byproduct of a breakup, but there are tools that can help you prevent that downward spiral. For instance, you can physically shake your body or try light exercise, like going for a jog, to help reduce the physical symptoms of anxiety. You can also try breathing deeply. Quick, shallow breathing increases anxiety, but breathing slowly and deeply helps your body feel calm."
4
Rely on those close to you. Your friends and family want to help you during this time. They can help you cope with a bad situation after a breakup by listening to you, distracting you, and just being there for you.^{[3]XTrustworthy SourceHelpGuideNonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.Go to source} Turn to them for support and encouragement.
- Let them distract you from the breakup. Do something fun with them like take a bike ride or go for coffee.
- If you are feeling upset, you can ask a friend to just come sit with you.
- You might say, “This breakup has me feeling pretty down. Could you just come over and sit with me? I don’t really want to talk or anything.”
5
Talk to a therapist. If you are having a really difficult time coping with a breakup, consider talking to a professional. Also, if you are dealing with other stress, such as a mental illness, the recent death of someone close to you, or the loss of a job at the same time you are trying to cope with a breakup, you should talk to a therapist or counselor about what you are going through.
- They can help you deal with the breakup as well as any other issues in your life right now.
- A counselor can teach you coping techniques and methods to help reduce your stress, depression, and anxiety.
- They can also give you strategies for dealing with other people involved in the situation.
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Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Coping With Your Own Breakup

1
Be mature. It can be easy to do things out of anger or hurt after a breakup. This is especially true when there is a bad situation after a breakup. But doing things out of revenge, jealousy, or desperation will only make things worse. ^{[4]XResearch source}
- Don’t try to do extreme things to make your ex realize that you two should be together.
- For example, don’t stage an accident to make your ex see how much they need you. You could end up seriously hurt and your ex still might not come back.
- Don’t bad mouth your ex or try to do things that make them look like a bad person. It will only make you seem angry and resentful.
2
Try an ‘Obsession Diet’. This is a way to allow yourself to express how you are feeling about the breakup without letting it consume your life.^{[5]XResearch source} An ‘Obsession Diet’ helps you cope with a bad situation after a breakup because it limits the time you spend obsessing over the situation.
- For the first few days after the breakup allow yourself to cry, grieve, rant, or do whatever you need to do to express how you are feeling for five minutes each hour.
- After the five minutes are up, you have to wait until the next hour to obsess over the breakup.
- The next week reduce it to four minutes an hour. Reduce the amount of time each week until you are done.
- It is also important to avoid exposing yourself to your ex through social media. Un-friend your ex or stop following them to avoid triggering hurtful emotions.
- Also, remove their pictures, clothing, and other reminders of your ex from the home.
3
Find yourself again. It is easy to lose yourself when you are a relationship and think more of ‘we’ than ‘me’. For example, you may forget that you like olives on your pizza because you and your ex always ordered meat only. After a breakup, especially if it was a long-term relationship, you may need to remind yourself of the things you like and don’t like.^{[6]XResearch source}
- Make a list of activities you enjoyed before the relationship started. Try at least one thing on the list each month to discover what you still enjoy.
- Explore interests and dreams that you have put on hold because of the relationship.
- For example, if you’ve always wanted to go zip-lining but didn’t because your ex is afraid of heights, then go!
4
Boost your self-esteem. You may be feeling down about yourself after the breakup, so remind yourself of your worth and all the great things about you.^{[7]XResearch source} Do things and spend time with people that help you realize all of your positive qualities.
- Make a list of all of your skills, traits, and qualities that make you the great person you are.
- Read the list out loud to yourself in your mirror as often as you need to.
- Do things like volunteer or become active in the community in order to give back and remind yourself you are a good person.
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Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Coping When Your Ex isn’t Handling the Breakup Well

1
Avoid your ex. Unless you have a really good reason, like to discuss your mutual child, don’t contact your ex. Also, don’t respond when your ex contacts you. Unneeded contact will only make it harder for your ex to accept and deal with the breakup.
- Unnecessary contact will only make your ex think there is still hope for the relationship and encourage them to contact you again.
- Let your ex’s calls go to voicemail and don’t respond to messages.
- If and when you see your ex, be polite, but don’t engage in conversation. For example, if you are walking down the hall and see your ex, say “Hi”, then keep walking.
- If your ex is harassing or stalking you, then don’t speak to them at all if you see them. Immediately go somewhere safe where there are other people around.
2
Document any harassment. Keeping a record of messages, phone calls, texts, and other contact provides proof of what your ex is doing.^{[8]XResearch source} It can also help you cope with this bad situation by being like a journal.
- Record the who, what, when, and where of the incident. Also write down how it made you feel and why it made you feel that way.
- Save any voicemails, texts, emails, or posts that your ex makes to or about you. You may need to screenshot or email it as an attachment to yourself.
3
Report all threats. Sometimes after a breakup, one person may threaten to hurt themselves, their ex, or their ex’s new love. If you are in a bad situation like this and your ex is threatening to hurt someone, you need to take the threats seriously and tell the authorities so that they can help keep you safe.
- Tell someone like the police, a crisis counselor, your parents, or a teacher what is going on. You can say, “I need to talk to you about my ex making threats.”
- Tell the authorities about the breakup and everything that has happened with your ex since then.
- You can also call 1-800-273-TALK to get help coping with the situation.
4
Keep yourself safe. Using basic safety techniques can help you cope if your ex is acting unreasonable after the breakup.^{[9]XResearch source} You don’t need to be paranoid and hire bodyguards, but you should do basic things to limit the opportunities your ex has to bother you.
- Try to go places with someone else. The more you are around other people the harder it will be for your ex to bother you.
- Lock your doors and be aware of your surroundings at all times.
- Be careful about posting your location online for a while. This lets your ex know exactly where you are.
- Don’t go anywhere alone with your ex.
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Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Coping After Someone Else Breaks Up

1
Be there for the person. When someone close to you is dealing with a bad situation after a breakup, it can be difficult for everyone involved, including you.^{[10]XResearch source} You may wonder how you can make the situation easier, what you should do, or what you should say. You can cope with the situation and help them cope by offering a helping hand, a hug, or even just a smile.
- Whether it is your parents divorcing, or a friend ending a long-term relationship, tell them that you care and want to be there for them.
- You could say, “I know this is a really tough time for you. I want you to know I care about you and want to be here for you. If you want to, we can just sit here.”
- Do little things that you know will be helpful like walking their dog, cooking a meal, or washing dishes.
2
Set limits. Whatever the bad situation, and no matter how much you want to make things better after the breakup, you have to set boundaries to the support you give. In order for you to cope with the situation, you’ve got to know what you can and can’t handle and you’ve got to express this.
- Make a list of things that you are and aren’t okay doing to provide support.
- For example, you might write, “I can spend all day with my friend Saturday, but I can’t skip school to be there for her on Monday”.
- Tell the people involved what your limits are.
- For instance, you might tell your dad, “I’m okay with talking about the divorce and this whole situation, but not with badmouthing Mom or you.”
3
Be patient. Everyone heals in their own way and at their own pace. There is no right way or time limit for getting over a breakup.^{[11]XResearch source} It may take the people involved, and you, varying amounts of time to work through this bad situation. The best way to cope with a bad situation after the breakup of someone close to you is to be patient.
- Be patient with the ex-couple. It may take one, or both, of them time to work through their feelings and move on from what happened.
- For example, if your mom cries at everything after your parents’ divorce, remind yourself, “I need to be patient. This divorce is hard for her and she needs time.”
- Be patient with yourself. Don’t try to get over the breakup in a hurry. You have feelings that you need to work through, as well.
- Tell yourself, “This breakup is a bad situation for me, too, but I can work through it if I’m patient with myself and give everyone time to heal.”
4
Focus on the positive. You do have to deal with negative parts, but you should also look for and point out the positive things that can come from the breakup.^{[12]XResearch source} Looking for the bright side will help you cope with this situation better and help everyone else cope with the breakup.
- For example, you could remind your friend that now she can move to that part of town that she loves but her ex hated.
- Or you might tell your mom, “The divorce is hard on us all, but I’ve noticed it’s given you the freedom to spend more time on your painting.”
5
Do something fun. One coping technique for any situation is doing things that improve your mood and make you feel happier. Cope with a bad situation after someone else breaks up by doing something fun to relieve some of your emotional and physical stress.^{[13]XTrustworthy SourceNational Health Service (UK)Public healthcare system of the UKGo to source}
- For instance, you could go for a game of putt-putt golf with your dad or visit an antique store with your mom.
- You could take your sister out for frozen yogurt after her breakup or catch a concert with your friend after their breakup.
- Don’t forget to do something fun just for you. Doing things you enjoy will help you cope with the bad situation, so go skating or catch the latest 3D movie.
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Last week I broke up with my boyfriend of two years and he has already moved on. I have suffered with severe depression for six months and I feel like he left me because of it. This has made me feel a million times worse. Any tips on how to move on faster?
Community Answer
If you aren't already seeking treatment for your depression, then do so. Professionals like therapists and counselors can help you cope with your general feelings of depression. They can also help you cope with your feelings about the breakup. Instead of trying to move on faster, focus on moving on in a way that is healthy for you by focusing on your health and feelings.
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