How to Come Out to Friends and Family

Coming out, or telling others about your LGBTQ+ status, is an important step for many people who belong to gender, sexual and romantic minority groups in the process of self-acceptance and making peace with their identities. It is not a necessary step in feeling “right” with yourself, but if you are LGBTQ+, it will most likely be done multiple times over your lifetime. The following isn’t strictly step-by-step, but advice on situating experiences that are as positive as possible for if you choose to come out to those around you.

Steps

1
Analyze your emotions. It's okay to keep questioning for as long as you need to consider this. Because gender and sexual orientation are sensitive topics that should not be taken lightly, writing down how you feel about yourself and your feelings may be beneficial. It's also a good idea to write down your thoughts in case you need them later for legal or medical reasons (especially in the transgender communities for people who choose to medically transition). Organizing your ideas can boost your confidence and help you feel more in control of your emotions.
- You can take as much time as you need to become comfortable with an identity for yourself.^{[1]XResearch source}
2
Gather resources. Local community resources may be available to you, such as programming from LGBTQ-focused organizations in town, pamphlets from a local health practitioner, or even something available online. Even if coming out is a painless process for you, it's crucial to develop a support network, often known as a safety net; these people are equipped to help you stay safe and secure, especially if you're coming out for the first time to family and close friends. It isn't required, but many people find that having access to local and online resources helps them plan how they will present themselves to those around them.
- You might also use social media to form support groups.
- Finding your identity can be a wild ride. So find some people, places, and ways to support yourself.^{[2]XResearch source}
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3
Decide to whom you want to come out. Often, the first time coming out is to our parents, siblings, a best friend, or a trusted person in our life that we hope can keep a secret. Sometimes it’s a therapist/counselor, a teacher, or someone in our life that acts as a guardian or warden. If you choose to come out, look to these people closest to you.
- You can come out to supportive people. They can help you figure out how to come out to others who are not as supportive.^{[3]XResearch source}
Often, the first person we tell is our parents, siblings, best friend, or another trusted person in our lives who we think will keep our secret. A therapist/counselor, a teacher, or someone in our lives who acts as a guardian or warden can all play a role in this. Look to the people closest to you if you come out.
5
Make a plan for how you'll inform them. Set up a circumstance that will assist you when you've decided how you'll communicate (written, in person, etc.). If you're writing a letter to someone, go somewhere safe and comfortable, such as your house or a public place. Coming out can be frightening, and we do it for a variety of reasons throughout our life, so try to make yourself as safe and comfortable as possible.
- If you're talking to them in person, it might assist if you're alone with them, or in an environment where everyone feels at ease, such as someone's home. Familiarity with the environment can aid in reducing distraction and, hopefully, improving communication.
Tell them how you feel and, if appropriate, what you hope they think of you. Because of their gender or sexual identities, no one deserves to be reviled, intimidated, or unloved. Being vulnerable can be scary, especially when you don't know how others will react, so talking or writing in a safe environment can be extremely beneficial.
7
Be ready to answer questions, address concerns, and conversations. Because a conversation is a two-way street, they may have questions for you. Some people have minimal experience with the LGBTQ+ community and may come out as ignorant, but they are unlikely to hurt anyone. Your folks may require time to comprehend this information about you, may be hurt, or may act inappropriately. The most important thing to remember is that we are not responsible for anyone else's feelings but our own, and you must keep yourself safe and cared for; it's sometimes easier to come out to friends first, then family, in order to have a safety net in case something bad happens and the family reacts badly.
- Remember to take safeguards for your own safety, and you'll be able to make the necessary decisions to come out.
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Tips

Some people prefer to come out in writing or via email rather than in person since it allows the other person to respond privately and at their leisure.
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Warnings

Remember that depending on where you live and how supportive your community is, being out LGBTQ can be dangerous; please take precautions to keep safe. It could be best to wait till you're older or have moved away from that area before coming out.
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