Download ArticleDownload ArticleThis article was co-authored by Kate Dreyfus. Kate Dreyfus is a dedicated Holistic Love Coach, Holistic Empowerment Coach, Heart-Centered Expert, Intuitive Healer, Workshop Facilitator, and Owner of Evolve & Empower. She has more than ten years of experience supporting her clients successfully entering exclusive, romantic relationships within the USA, the United Kingdom, Canada, and Europe. Kate is devoted to helping others through personal growth and transformation, success in dating and romance, and healing and rebuilding after a breakup. She is also a member of The Biofield Institute, the Healing Touch Professional Association, and the Energy Medicine Professional Association. Kate holds a BA in Psychology from San Francisco State University.
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We all know breaking up is hard to do. But unless you're in one of the few teen romances turned happily-ever-after, breaking up is an unavoidable part of life. And while it's up to you to decide what your individual break up style is, if you want to avoid future bad relationship karma, you'll adopt a few breakup basics.
Steps
Choose the right time. Avoid holidays and special occasions like birthdays and anniversaries at all costs.[1] Do you really want your ex remembering your insensitivity every time that day rolls around? No you don't.- Statistics show that most students break up during summer break. For everyone else, Monday seems to be the most popular day of the week for breaking up.
Pick an appropriate place.[2] The less public, the better. Don't do it in a place where the person on the receiving end isn't going to feel especially vulnerable. Avoid these break up locations at all costs:- The office.
- At a wedding.
- In a car.
- At school.
- In a restaurant or nightclub.
Do it in person.[3] If the relationship is relatively new, maybe you can get away with breaking up over the phone. Maybe. But come on, if you've been out on more than a handful of dates, isn't that kind of harsh? Do the right thing and end the relationship in person.- Having one final talk together is a good way to bring closure to the relationship.[4]
- As painful as it may be, a relationship-ending conversation might enable you to learn something about yourself and set the stage for something better in the future.
Don't lie.[5] You may try to be sparing their feelings, but it will blow up in your face when you're caught. You will be considered untrustworthy, and your reputation will falter. Your friends might back you up, but that doesn't mean the rest of the world will.
Keep your emotions in check.[7] Don't seem too happy about the break up: you'll come off as mean-spirited. Just be kind, caring, and considerate.
Don't react. Some people don't handle rejection well. Some people yell, scream, or cry. But it doesn't mean you should react to their meltdown. Remember, rejection is tough. You've already got the status of being the dumper. If their tantrum escalates, get out of there! Don't wait around for the messy aftermath. Only try to ignore when the conversation is yelling and screaming, try to be and remain civil in all other situations. Be honest and sensitive and try to listen to their emotions and act upon them.- Pause before reacting to the situation. You can end up saying things you may regret.[8]
- Be mindful of your self-talk and how you treat yourself at that moment.[9]
- It is through pausing and becoming aware that you can choose how you want to navigate those moments of pain and what is going to be the best way forward.[10]
Additional Help
Quiz Pack: We’ve handpicked these quizzes just for you.
Expert Q&A
Tips
- Lastly, ask yourself this question. Would you be happier if you aren't together anymore?Thanks
- The longer the relationship lasts, the harder the breakup is, so don't put it off for long or don't put it off at all.Thanks
- Never say "I'm dumping you" or "It's over." Let it down more lightly by saying "I think it would be best if we weren't together anymore."Thanks
Warnings
- Weigh in carefully on your decision to break up, without analyzing it to death. Is this really what your heart wants? You may not be able to reverse your decision once it's made, and you may burn bridges in the process.Thanks
- Keep yourself safe. If you are afraid of the person you are breaking up with, tell someone you trust, such as your parents, coworkers or friends. Don't put yourself in a dangerous position.Thanks
- Avoid cliches. If the person has heard it before, it may come off as insensitive.Thanks
- Never lie about the breakup reasons.Thanks
- Never tell a third party who is not extremely trustworthy or who is friendly with both partners that you are planning to break up with your relationship partner. If you want to break up with style, it is important that your partner hears it from you first.Thanks
References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201412/what-are-the-best-and-worst-times-break
- ↑ https://www.insider.com/best-place-to-break-up-2018-9
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/i-hear-you/201805/fourteen-ways-break-better
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/romantically-attached/201609/why-we-need-closure-broken-relationships
- ↑ https://hackspirit.com/how-to-break-up-with-someone-you-love-10-no-bullsht-tips/
- ↑ https://www.thecut.com/article/how-to-break-up-with-someone.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201509/4-ways-break-someone-compassionately
- ↑ https://greatist.com/connect/what-to-do-after-a-breakup#dont-do-this
- ↑ https://greatist.com/connect/what-to-do-after-a-breakup#dont-do-this
About This Article
Breaking up is hard to do, but being sensitive can make things a little less unpleasant. Avoid breaking up with someone during holidays, birthdays, or other special occasions so they don't wind up associating these special occasions with a bad memory. You’ll also want to avoid breaking up in public places, like the office, at school, or in a restaurant or nightclub since the person may feel more vulnerable if there are others around. Once you’re with the person, be honest but sensitive to their feelings since lying can come back to haunt you. Take the high road by avoiding blame or judgment. To learn how to keep your emotions in check during a breakup, keep reading.
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