X
This article was co-authored by Sandra Possing. Sandra Possing is a life coach, speaker, and entrepreneur based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Sandra specializes in one-on-one coaching with a focus on mindset and leadership transformation. Sandra received her coaching training from The Coaches Training Institute and has seven years of life coaching experience. She holds a BA in Anthropology from the University of California, Los Angeles.
How.com.vn marks an article as reader-approved once it receives enough positive feedback. This article received 26 testimonials and 100% of readers who voted found it helpful, earning it our reader-approved status.
This article has been viewed 155,666 times.
The moment you turn feeling sorry for yourself into your life story is the moment you allow the negative view of life to become all-encompassing. React quickly when this state of affairs starts to take hold and turn your thinking around. To turn yourself from down-and-out to confident and daring, you'll need to unearth a little courage, a lot of chutzpah and a willingness to give improving your life a go.
Steps
Appreciate yourself. If you're hard on yourself all the time, you'll make life hard for yourself. You don't deserve all that constant negativity and while it is important to focus on what needs self-improving, this should not be at the expense of your self-confidence. Tell yourself you're a great person who can do anything you put your mind to. Every time a negative or critical thought pops into your head, dismiss it with a positive thought that says "Yes, but I am healthy/clever/capable, etc." instead. Repeat this exercise regularly for best effect.[1]
Work out what you want from your life. However much of your life lies before you, be it 80 years or be it 10, you can make the most of the years ahead by giving yourself a direction. So, what do you want to do with your life?[2]- Do you want a new career, a new business, a new hobby or a new volunteering role?
- Do you want a new boyfriend/girlfriend? Do you want a new platonic friends?
- Do you want to lose or gain weight?
- Do you want to set out on an adventure of a lifetime?
- Do you just want to be able to get your life in order?
Advertisement
Whatever the reason, firming it up exactly in your mind will help you begin to focus on it and work towards it.[3]
Plan the way you'll move on. you will do it! Take a pen and a notebook, one that you can carry about with you. From now on, write down all your thoughts and plans and related tasks for the future. Write down the specifics of how you will set about doing the things that you are aiming for, including budget, travel, gear, etc.
Set your goals into action. Start out slowly and work your way towards an achievable goal. When that's done, move onto another achievable goal. As you gain in confidence, start to tackle the harder goals that you have set yourself.- Each time you have achieved a task treat yourself with a small present.
Remember that you are the most important person in your life. You need to take care of yourself and appreciate yourself. This isn't about being selfish; the more you have taken care of your confidence-building and sorted out your own issues, the freer you are to assist others to find the same pathway and to be generous with your time, knowledge and skills.[4]
Believe in your abilities and in who you are. Confidence grows when you give yourself the chance to do what you're good at and then build on that. It grows when you cease to put yourself down and start to recognize the good things about yourself. It can also grow when you let go of the expectations that you feel other people have of you.
Realize that other people have their own issues. Sometimes you may feel that other people are standing in your way, causing you to feel "less" of a person or to put down your own endeavors. Criticism is commonplace from others but not all of it is constructive or from a place of true concern for your well-being. Learn to sort between the unhelpful barbs that seek to prevent you from reaching your full potential and the feedback that is actually aimed at helping you to grow in the right direction. It can take a little time to sort this out but it is worth it and you'll know in your gut what is sound advice and what is simply obstructive. Remember that many people are carrying their own confidence concerns and some of them are insecure enough to try to pass their worries on to you too.Advertisement
Expert Q&A
Search
- QuestionHow do I stop caring what other people think?
Sandra PossingSandra Possing is a life coach, speaker, and entrepreneur based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Sandra specializes in one-on-one coaching with a focus on mindset and leadership transformation. Sandra received her coaching training from The Coaches Training Institute and has seven years of life coaching experience. She holds a BA in Anthropology from the University of California, Los Angeles.
Life CoachMost of us are trained to view ourselves from the outside in instead of the inside out. So we view ourselves based on the perception of others. We think that we need validation from others in order to be okay. We think that we need to have achievements and accomplishments, that we need to perform and prove ourselves in order to be okay on the inside. So it's like we're constantly looking for validation and external approval outside of ourselves constantly. And then we become dependent on that. So if we're not performing or achieving, or if we're not getting positive reinforcement from people all the time, and God forbid we're getting some sort of negative criticism from other people, then we're so reliant on that, the internal situation becomes such a roller coaster. Whereas what I like to teach people is to flip that whole paradigm on its head and find basically their self-worth from the inside out instead of the outside in. So it becomes this process of untangling the need for external validation and instead finding that validation within themselves. And so that happens through some very regular self-love practices and getting to know themselves and learning to love, deciding to love and accept themselves, and then practicing loving and accepting themselves on a very regular basis until they build up the internal reserve and they build up their inner strength. - QuestionHow can I look confident even if I don't feel confident?Sandra PossingSandra Possing is a life coach, speaker, and entrepreneur based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Sandra specializes in one-on-one coaching with a focus on mindset and leadership transformation. Sandra received her coaching training from The Coaches Training Institute and has seven years of life coaching experience. She holds a BA in Anthropology from the University of California, Los Angeles.
Life CoachNumber one is posture. So even if you don't feel confident, you can straighten out your spine. You can drop your shoulders down and back. You can open your chest. You can hold your head high. That makes a huge difference. Number two is smiling, even when you don't feel happy. When you smile, it changes your brain chemistry and then you will feel happier as a result. Plus, you come across as more confident when you're smiling and standing tall. Number three, make strong eye contact, the good kind, not the creepy kind. Hold it but not for too long. Number four is strong handshakes. When we're hand-shaking and showing up physically like a competent person, it makes you actually feel stronger. Number five is power poses, which could be a Wonder Woman pose or arms up in the air victorious pose. When we hold those poses for two minutes or more, it changes our body chemistry and then has us feeling more confident as a result. Finally, number six is to speak up. Literally increase the volume of the sound of your voice. Talk louder.
Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
SubmitAdvertisement
Video
Tips
- If you feel like crying, do so. It's better to cry and release everything than to keep it in yourself and create tension.Thanks
- Talk to your friends and family about your worries and problems, or if you feel better, write it in your journal. That way, another tension is released by letting it all out.Thanks
Advertisement
Warnings
- If you feel depressed and low every day, seek medical advice.[5]Thanks
Advertisement
References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hide-and-seek/201205/building-confidence-and-self-esteem
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/notes-self/201308/how-set-goals
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/notes-self/201308/how-set-goals
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/nurturing-self-compassion/201703/8-steps-improving-your-self-esteem
- ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/symptoms-causes/syc-20356007
About this article
Sandra Possing
Life Coach
This article was co-authored by Sandra Possing. Sandra Possing is a life coach, speaker, and entrepreneur based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Sandra specializes in one-on-one coaching with a focus on mindset and leadership transformation. Sandra received her coaching training from The Coaches Training Institute and has seven years of life coaching experience. She holds a BA in Anthropology from the University of California, Los Angeles. This article has been viewed 155,666 times.
Co-authors: 16
Updated: April 15, 2024
Views: 155,666
Article SummaryX
To become more confident and succeed in life, start by addressing any negative thoughts and beliefs you have about yourself. When you catch yourself thinking something negative, dismiss it with something positive instead, like "That's not true. I'm a capable person who has accomplished things in the past. I can be successful." The more you practice this, the more confident you're going to become. In addition to boosting your confidence, start making plans for your life. Really think about what you want to accomplish, and actually write down the steps it will take to do it. Then, spend time every day working toward your goal, no matter how small of a task it is. Baby steps will make a huge difference in the long run. For more advice, like how to not let other people drag you down, check out the rest of the article!
Did this summary help you?
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 155,666 times.
Reader Success Stories
"Great advice if you're feeling a bit down or lost or even if you are on the right track. Good little reminders, almost like little lights brightening the path!"..." more
Did this article help you?
⚠️ Disclaimer:
Content from Wiki How English language website. Text is available under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike License; additional terms may apply.
Wiki How does not encourage the violation of any laws, and cannot be responsible for any violations of such laws, should you link to this domain, or use, reproduce, or republish the information contained herein.
- - A few of these subjects are frequently censored by educational, governmental, corporate, parental and other filtering schemes.
- - Some articles may contain names, images, artworks or descriptions of events that some cultures restrict access to
- - Please note: Wiki How does not give you opinion about the law, or advice about medical. If you need specific advice (for example, medical, legal, financial or risk management), please seek a professional who is licensed or knowledgeable in that area.
- - Readers should not judge the importance of topics based on their coverage on Wiki How, nor think a topic is important just because it is the subject of a Wiki article.
Advertisement
