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This article was co-authored by Allison Broennimann, PhD. Dr. Allison Broennimann is a licensed Clinical Psychologist with a private practice based in the San Francisco Bay Area providing psychotherapy and neuropsychology services. With over a decade of experience, Dr. Broennimann specializes in in-depth psychotherapy to provide solution-focused treatments for anxiety, depression, relationship problems, grief, adjustment problems, traumatic stress, and phase-of-life transitions. And as part of her neuropsychology practice, she integrates depth psychotherapy and cognitive rehabilitation for those recovering after traumatic brain injury. Dr. Broennimann holds a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Santa Cruz, and an MS and Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Palo Alto University. She is licensed by the California Board of Psychology and is a member of the American Psychological Association.
There are 14 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 4,741 times.
PTSD makes every aspect of life harder to deal with – especially parenting. You know that your kids need you to be emotionally present for them, but when you’re dealing with flashbacks, exhaustion, or anger, that can seem impossible. But parenting well with PTSD can be done, even though it’s a challenge. Start by talking with your kids about your PTSD. Then look for ways you can take care of your family’s emotional health. Finally, take good care of yourself as you work towards recovery.
Steps
Method 1
Method 1 of 4:
Talking to Kids about PTSD
Tell your kids about your symptoms. Explain what PTSD is, and describe the symptoms you have. It can be scary or upsetting for a child to see their parent getting angry or having a flashback without any explanation, so let them know what’s going on.[1]- You don’t have to tell your kids about the trauma you went through. In fact, it may be a better idea not to.
- Depending on your child’s age, you could say something like, “A bad thing happened to me a while ago, and it still bothers me. Sometimes I get scared when I remember it.”
- Try using this discussion as a way to teach your child about empathy in terms they will understand. For example, you might explain to a 6 or 7 year old child that people can feel bad for a variety of reasons that have nothing to do with other people. Encourage your child to be compassionate towards other people.
Keep your explanation age-appropriate. Tell your kids about your PTSD in terms they will understand. Don’t tell them more than they need to know. Sharing too many details about the trauma might scare or disturb young children.[2]- Older children may be able to handle more information than younger children.
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Reassure your kids that your symptoms aren’t their fault. Children often blame themselves for their parents’ PTSD symptoms if they don’t know the real cause. Let your kids know that your symptoms have nothing to do with them or their behavior.- You can say something like, “I want you to know that when I need to be alone, it isn’t your fault. It’s because of my bad memories, not because of anything you did.”
- Keep in mind that young children are very egocentric until about the age of 6 or 7 and will typically blame themselves if a parent feels bad or seems uncaring towards them.[3]
Let your kids know that they can depend on you. Tell your kids that you love them all the time, even when you don’t feel well. Reassure them that you will always take care of them.[4]- Focus on making your child feel safe. Young children have a deep psychological need to depend on their parents, and they will become anxious if they feel like you aren’t reliable.
- Make sure to act on your promises along with reassuring your children. Actions are more important than words alone.
Think about how you will answer your kids’ questions. Your children will probably ask you questions when you tell them about your PTSD. Before you talk to them, anticipate what they are likely to ask and decide how you want to respond.- Set limits about which questions you are willing to answer. For instance, if your eight-year-old asks what happened to you, it’s fine to say, “I’d rather not talk about that right now” or "I'll explain it to you when you're older."
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Method 2
Method 2 of 4:
Helping Kids Stay Emotionally Healthy
Spend time with your kids when you feel well enough. To feel secure, kids need quality time, attention, and love from their parents. Make it a priority to bond with your kids during the times your PTSD symptoms aren’t severe.- A few simple ways to stay close to your kids include helping them with their homework, playing board games with them, and taking them to a movie or the park.
- Don’t mistake practicality for being a good parent. For instance, cooking a healthy dinner every night can’t replace talking with your kids on a regular basis.
Encourage your kids to express their feelings and needs. Tell your kids they can come to you if they need anything or want to talk. Help them find other ways to cope with their feelings, too, such as journaling or drawing.[5]- Set a good example by talking about your own feelings. When parents with PTSD hide their emotions, their kids may feel like they have to do the same thing. It is important to be a good role model for your kids.
Look out for symptoms of secondary PTSD. Sometimes, parents with PTSD unintentionally pass on their symptoms to their kids. Educate yourself on how to recognize secondary PTSD, and be alert for any symptoms in your own children.[6]- Your child might pick up some PTSD symptoms from you if you over-share about your trauma or show your fear frequently. They might also start imitating your symptoms as a way of feeling closer to you.
- Secondary PTSD can’t always be prevented, so don’t blame yourself if you think your child might have it.
- If your child is showing signs of secondary PTSD, make them an appointment with a therapist.
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Method 3
Method 3 of 4:
Taking Care of Yourself
Practice healthy self-care. Make an effort to eat well, exercise, and get enough sleep. Set aside some time every week to see friends or do something you enjoy. If your PTSD symptoms flare up, go to the doctor or take a day to relax.[7][8]- Don’t feel guilty or selfish for taking care of yourself. Remember that your health directly impacts your children’s well-being.
- Practicing good self-care sets a positive example for your kids.
Seek individual therapy for yourself. Work on overcoming your PTSD with a therapist you trust.[9] Techniques like exposure therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy can help you manage your symptoms and start to feel normal again.[10]- PTSD is unlikely to get better without therapy, so don’t put off seeking treatment.
Seek family therapy. Family therapy can help you and your kids maintain strong relationships with each other as you work through your PTSD. A good family therapist will help you communicate with each other and deal with your emotions together.[11]- Take other family members into consideration. You may need to get help with your tasks when you feel symptoms coming on. Talk with your therapist about how to handle this.
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Method 4
Method 4 of 4:
Dealing with PTSD Episodes
Join a PTSD support group. Spending time with other people who can relate to your situation can help you to feel better. Being part of a support group can also help you to learn new information about how to cope around your children.- Look for a support group in your area, or look into online support groups if you cannot find one in your area.
Create a crisis plan. Work with your doctor, therapist, or partner to create a plan for what will happen if you become incapacitated by your PTSD. Make arrangements for your partner, a family member, or a friend to take care of your kids if you can’t.[12]- Include information about where your kids go to school, whether they need medication or have any food allergies, and anything else a temporary caretaker would need to know.
- Give a written copy of your crisis plan to your doctor, adult family members, and anyone else who might need the information.
Practice deep breathing. Since PTSD is an anxiety disorder, it can help to learn some relaxation techniques to manage any distress you feel during an episode. Deep breathing is a great technique that you can use anywhere to quell anxiety.[13]- Deep breathing involves breathing in slowly from your nose and then releasing air back out through your mouth. Do it in a 4-7-8 cycle with you inhaling for 4 counts, holding for 7, and then exhaling for 8 counts.[14]
Do progressive muscle relaxation. Startle reaction associated with PTSD can make it difficult for you to sleep, so performing this exercises before bed may help. Progressive muscle relaxation requires tensing and releasing each muscle group in your body to promote calm.- Sit or lie down in a comfortable place. Start with your toes. Contract them and hold for 5 seconds. Let go and notice how that feels. Now, move up to your calves. Tense them and then relax. Continue throughout your entire body.[15]
Try grounding. Grounding exercises help bring you back to reality when anxiety makes you believe you're somewhere else. There are many ways to ground yourself back into your present environment.[16]- Splash cold water on your face, or run an ice cube along your skin.
- Sit against a wall to feel the surface at your back.
- List out all the things that are white in your environment. Then, red. Then, blue.
- Count slowly to 100.
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References
- ↑ http://www.ptsd.va.gov/professional/treatment/children/pro_child_parent_ptsd.asp
- ↑ http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/traumaptsdblog/2016/11/03/when-a-childs-parent-has-ptsd/
- ↑ https://www.scholastic.com/teachers/articles/teaching-content/ages-stages-all-about-me/
- ↑ http://www.familyofavet.com/explain_your_ptsd_to_child.html
- ↑ http://www.military.com/benefits/veterans-health-care/you-can-help-children-whose-parents-have-ptsd.html
- ↑ http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/understandingcombatptsd/2014/03/05/combat-ptsd-transmitted-children-parents/
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/tips-for-parenting-with-a-mental-illness/
- ↑ Allison Broennimann, PhD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 29 January 2021.
- ↑ Allison Broennimann, PhD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 29 January 2021.
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/ptsd-trauma/post-traumatic-stress-disorder.htm
- ↑ http://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/treatment/therapy-med/treatment-ptsd.asp
- ↑ http://mentalhealthrecovery.com/info-center/crisis-plan/
- ↑ Allison Broennimann, PhD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 29 January 2021.
- ↑ https://www.drweil.com/videos-features/videos/the-4-7-8-breath-health-benefits-demonstration/
- ↑ http://prtl.uhcl.edu/counseling-services/self-help/visualization-files/txt-progressive-muscle-relaxation.pdf
- ↑ https://www.anxietybc.com/sites/default/files/adult_hmptsd.pdf
About this article
Allison Broennimann, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
This article was co-authored by Allison Broennimann, PhD. Dr. Allison Broennimann is a licensed Clinical Psychologist with a private practice based in the San Francisco Bay Area providing psychotherapy and neuropsychology services. With over a decade of experience, Dr. Broennimann specializes in in-depth psychotherapy to provide solution-focused treatments for anxiety, depression, relationship problems, grief, adjustment problems, traumatic stress, and phase-of-life transitions. And as part of her neuropsychology practice, she integrates depth psychotherapy and cognitive rehabilitation for those recovering after traumatic brain injury. Dr. Broennimann holds a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Santa Cruz, and an MS and Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Palo Alto University. She is licensed by the California Board of Psychology and is a member of the American Psychological Association. This article has been viewed 4,741 times.
Co-authors: 8
Updated: October 11, 2022
Views: 4,741
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 4,741 times.
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