How to Be a Good House Guest

When visiting someone's home, whether they're a close family member, a friend, or a colleague, it is important to be a gracious guest. Your manners could make all the difference between a pleasant stay or a disastrous one. Be polite in order to ensure that your stay is enjoyable both for yourself and your hosts.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Communicating with Your Host

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1
Be specific with the dates of arrival and departure. Don't keep your visit open-ended. Also, don't book an airline reservation before you first discuss it with your host. If your host has agreed to certain dates, don't try to add on to those dates without discussing it, and respect that your host may have to discuss your stay with their spouse or housemate.
- Avoid overstaying your visit. Even though you have been graciously invited into their home, your hosts may have rearranged their normal routines on your behalf. Their hospitality also requires their investment of time, energy, and money.
- If you are staying for a period longer than three days, consider putting the arrangement on a business footing, or finding ways to leave and stay elsewhere for a few days to give your hosts some private time.
- Reader Poll: We asked 114 How.com.vn readers who've hosted guests, and 58% of them agreed that having a specific end time for the stay is helpful for people to know what to expect. [Take Poll]
2
Be respectful of the host's time. Don't show up earlier than the time you had agreed upon. Your host may not be ready for you and an early arrival could inconvenience them considerably. If, for some unforeseen reason, you caught an earlier connection or you had an extra day's vacation and want to arrive earlier, call them first.
- Avoid showing up later than you promised. This may upset many hosts who worry about what might have happened to you. If you are delayed for any reason, call them and explain.
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Communicate clearly about comings and goings. If you will not be with your hosts all the time, discuss your plans beforehand to make sure that you will not inadvertently inconvenience them. Don't leave their home, even for a short outing, without telling them. Your host should not have to guess whether you went out or not.^{[1]XResearch source}
- Be quiet when arriving back late, and, if given a key, use it. Turn out the lights and check to make sure that the door is locked behind you.

Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Showing Your Host Respect

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1
Be flexible with your time. The living space designed to accommodate you on a short-term, temporary basis is the full-time home of your host. Make a conscious effort to adapt to their preferences and patterns. To be clear, ask about their expectations of you during your stay.
- Ask if you are expected to share meals with them or at which time they would prefer you to turn out the lights. It is especially important to accept that others have to live in the house, too.
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Share the household bathroom respectfully. If the house only has one bathroom, ask when it is convenient for you to use it. Consideration is also expected if you are sleeping in a living area near the only bathroom; remember, others may need to use it after you go to bed.
- Remember to flush the toilet and put the lid down. Don't leave a dripping faucet, and turn off the light when you're finished.
- Don't rummage around in their cupboards looking for a toothbrush or other essentials; instead, ask your host if they have any spares.
Avoid taking the last of anything, especially the last of leftovers that are not easily reproduced, or expensive items. If you must eat your host's food while they are unavailable, a good idea is to pick up some more to replace what you ate.
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Respect cultural and familial differences. For example, you may be an omnivore staying with a vegan family, but it is polite to at least try what they serve you. Do not criticize your hosts' preferences. If eating a certain kind of food is a violation of your cultural or religious beliefs, let your hosts know before you arrive.^{[2]XResearch source}
- Adapt to your host's lifestyle. There may be children, pets, elderly parents, or others in the home with whom you may be unaccustomed to living with. Go with the flow and try to learn something from the experience.^{[3]XResearch source}

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Staying Self-Reliant

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Even if you're not eating at your host's home, offer to purchase the groceries. Remember that your hosts have probably already been shopping for extra groceries and spent a considerable amount of time and money to get ready for your visit. You could either bankroll their next supermarket trip or offer to go out and buy things for both yourself and for them (ask them for a list).^{[4]XResearch source}
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Do your own laundry. Don't be embarrassed about asking whether or not it is okay to do your laundry at your host's place. They understand that after a few days you'll have dirty underwear.
- Ask your host when the most convenient time for you to do your laundry would be, emphasizing that you don't want to cut into the household's normal routine.
^{[5]XExpert SourceTami Claytor
Etiquette CoachExpert Interview. 29 September 2020.} This doesn't mean crowding the host out of the kitchen, but instead it means collecting plates, carrying out dishes, offering to wash up or stack the dishwasher, cleaning off the counters, and taking the garbage out. You could even offer to cook a meal or two yourself.

Part 4

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Showing Gratitude

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^{[6]XExpert SourceTami Claytor
Etiquette CoachExpert Interview. 29 September 2020.} Offering something as a way of thanking your hosts in advance is a thoughtful and caring gesture. It demonstrates your appreciation of their important efforts to make your stay a good one. Considerate, inexpensive gifts include a bottle of wine, a box of chocolates, a basket of fruit, or a bouquet of flowers.^{[7]XResearch source}
^{[8]XExpert SourceTami Claytor
Etiquette CoachExpert Interview. 29 September 2020.} Express that you are pleased with the local food, sightseeing, and other attractions. If your hosts have provided you with a home-cooked meal, show your appreciation through compliments and by offering to take care of the next meal.^{[9]XResearch source}
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Thank your hosts for the stay.^{[10]XExpert SourceTami Claytor
Etiquette CoachExpert Interview. 29 September 2020.} Help them clean up anything that you may have moved during your visit. Also don't rush out of the house when you are leaving, since the hosts might assume that you did not appreciate your stay.^{[11]XResearch source}
- Leave a thank-you note on your departure.^{[12]XExpert SourceTami Claytor
  Etiquette CoachExpert Interview. 29 September 2020.} It is polite to leave a small token to show that you are grateful for their hospitality. A handwritten card makes a thoughtful token of appreciation.

Expert Q&A

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Question
How can I show my appreciation as a houseguest?
Tami Claytor
Etiquette Coach
Tami Claytor is an Etiquette Coach, Image Consultant, and the Owner of Always Appropriate Image and Etiquette Consulting in New York, New York. With over 20 years of experience, Tami specializes in teaching etiquette classes to individuals, students, companies, and community organizations. Tami has spent decades studying cultures through her extensive travels across five continents and has created cultural diversity workshops to promote social justice and cross-cultural awareness. She holds a BA in Economics with a concentration in International Relations from Clark University. Tami studied at the Ophelia DeVore School of Charm and the Fashion Institute of Technology, where she earned her Image Consultant Certification.
Tami Claytor
Etiquette Coach
Expert Answer
I would offer to cook a meal or take your hosts out to dinner. You can also bring a gift for your host when you arrive and leave a thank you note when you leave to show your appreciation.
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Question
Is it good to ask to be allowed to take showers at the host's home?
Community Answer
If you are staying with someone, you are allowed to use the shower. It never hurts to ask, though.
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Question
A family member visited and complained about us having too few drinking glasses, the use by dates on my spices and other pantry items. The guest threw stuff away and replaced it and sent 24 new glasses to us, but we haven't enough cupboard space! What should we do?
Community Answer
It's harder when it's family. Try to look on the bright side -- you now have lots of fresh spices and new food. As for the glasses, keep as many as you want and give the rest to the charity store. You didn't ask for the glasses and they didn't ask if you wanted them. If they feel upset at their next visit, just shrug and say they were used and wore out over time. Most of all, try to laugh it all off -- undoubtedly this meddling family member was trying to help despite overstepping the mark completely but you don't need to keep carrying the baggage of negativity, just turn it into one of those family jokes.
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Tips

With certain differences between your lifestyle and your hosts', you may feel like you're treading on tiptoes, but remember to compromise and be open, honest, and considerate.
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Pay attention to the security instructions in your host's home; be sure that you lock up properly. Take good care of any keys that they loan you. Offer to replace what you have used.
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If you have special dietary needs, bring your own food. Offer to take care of your own dietary needs and be clear about what this means by way of food preparation.
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Warnings

Do not bring a pet, even an outside pet, without asking. If your host seems hesitant when you ask about bringing your pet, don't bring it. If you are permitted to bring your pet, clean up after it regularly.
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If don't know your way around the town, ask for your host to accompany you on your outings, so that you don't get lost.
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Replace anything that you damage. Even if it was an accident, you are responsible and should make it right for your host by fixing the item, replacing the item or leaving a monetary settlement. Doing so shows that you respect another's possessions. Not addressing it can leave long memories of the issue, and it will certainly get around in family or friendship circles.
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