How to Be Proud of Your Appearance

Self-confidence can be a really slippery slope, especially if you tend to be hard on yourself. Don’t worry—there are plenty of easy, constructive ways you can build your confidence, and feel really proud of the way you look. We’ll start with tips to help you work through feelings you might be experiencing, then get into ideas for improving your self-image and creating healthy, body-positive habits.

1

Ignore media beauty standards.

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Modern beauty standards aren’t attainable for most people. With photo editing and filters, even celebrities don’t look like the photos of themselves most of the time! It can be tough to change your mindset, but remind yourself that most beauty standards aren’t realistic, and you shouldn’t hold yourself to them.^{[1]XResearch source}
- If you’re feeling intimidated by media beauty standards, criticize them in return. You might say something like, “What’s so special about being a size 0?” or “Who cares if I look like the celebrities in magazines?”
- Most celebrity pictures are edited to eliminate flaws and make the person look skinnier. Celebrities themselves recommend not comparing yourself to magazine covers and photoshoots!

2

List all the positives that your body does for you.

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Focus on what your body can do instead of what it can’t. Your body can run, dance, sing, dream, laugh, yell, and so much more! If you find yourself being critical of how you look, run through the list of things that your body does for you. It can help shift your perspective and make you thankful about your appearance instead of critical.
- It might help to sit down and write a list of all the things your body does for you. That way, if you catch yourself in a bad mood, you can whip out your list for a little boost.

3

Practice observing yourself without judgement.

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That’s okay! The next time you’re in front of the mirror, just observe yourself instead of being judgmental or critical. Don’t be discouraged if you can’t quite shake your negative thoughts—instead, just acknowledge that these thoughts are negative and try observing yourself again later.

4

Write down compliments that other people give you.

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They can really boost your confidence when you feel down. It’s really easy to brush off compliments at first. Instead, grab a spare notebook and jot down exactly what that person said about you, whether it had to with your appearance, personality, or something else. After a week or so, flip through those compliments and really let them sink in.^{[2]XResearch source}
- When you write down a compliment, you’re forcing yourself to really think about it.
- A compliment could be something as simple as “I like your shirt” or “Your hair looks great today.”

5

Let negative comments go.

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You can’t please everyone, and that’s okay. Remind yourself that you have control over your thoughts and feelings. If someone criticizes you or makes a judgmental comment, redirect your thoughts and energy to challenging their statement. Chances are, your feelings will match up with your attitude.^{[3]XResearch source}
- For example, if someone makes a negative comment about your outfit, think to yourself, “I look great in this outfit” or “They have no idea what they’re talking about.”
- At the end of the day, your thoughts and opinions about your appearance are the only ones that matter.
Selena Gomez, Founder, Rare Beauty
Don't let social media affect your well-being. "You are not defined by an Instagram photo, by a like, by a comment. That does not define you."

6

Foster self-love in a gratitude journal.

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Jot down the aspects of your appearance that you like. Each day, write down what parts of your appearance you’re thankful for, even if they’re insignificant. Writing down your strengths might help you feel a lot more positive and proud of your appearance.^{[4]XTrustworthy SourceCleveland ClinicEducational website from one of the world's leading hospitalsGo to source}
- For instance, write something like “I’m grateful for my long arms, which can stretch and reach almost anything.”
- Write down other things you’re grateful for, even if they aren’t related to your appearance.

7

Repeat positive affirmations.

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Say them to yourself whenever you’re feeling down. It’s perfectly okay and understandable if some days are rougher than others. Hold onto a few positive affirmations to help ground yourself, so you can feel positive and proud of your appearance.^{[5]XResearch source}
- You can say something like, “I am allowed to take up space” or “My body radiates beauty and strength.”
- You might also say something like, “My body will carry me where I want to go” or “I deserve to feel comfortable and confident.”

8

Challenge your negative thoughts.

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Stop and question negative thoughts instead of accepting them as true. Often, we think negatively about ourselves without even realizing it. If you catch yourself thinking something like, “I’m so ugly,” challenge it. Ask yourself, “Why do I think that?” “Do I have any proof?”
- The more often you challenge these thoughts, the easier it will be to get rid of them.

9

Be kind to yourself.

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Talk to yourself like you’d talk to a loved one. Oftentimes, we’re much more critical of ourselves than we are of others. If you catch yourself thinking badly about your appearance, ask yourself if you’d talk to a friend that way. Then, adjust your thinking until you’d be comfortable telling a friend the same things you tell yourself.^{[6]XTrustworthy SourceNational Health Service (UK)Public healthcare system of the UKGo to source}
- For example, you’d never tell a friend, “You look so ugly today.” Instead, change it into a kindness by thinking, “Even though I’m not wearing makeup, my skin still looks really good.”

10

Lean on your loved ones for extra support.

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They can really give you a confidence boost when you need it. It can be tough to see the glass half-full when it comes to your own appearance. Let your loved ones carry some of that weight for you! Tell them how you’ve been feeling—they’ll definitely have something uplifting or supporting to tell you.^{[7]XResearch source}
- True friends will always care for you no matter what you look like.

11

Make an effort to smile more.

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Before heading out and about, plaster on a smile—you might be surprised at how different you feel! You’ll also seem more approachable and friendly, which can lead to better friendships and relationships.^{[8]XResearch source}

12

Wear comfy clothes that flatter your shape.

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Skip over the tight, uncomfortable clothes in your closet or wardrobe. If you’re wearing clothes that don’t fit quite right or make you uncomfortable, you probably aren’t going to feel great about your appearance for the day. Instead, pick an outfit that really suits your body type—this way, you can feel confident, comfortable, and proud throughout the day.
- For instance, you might wear a pair of jeggings instead of a tight pair of skinny jeans.
- You might switch out a comfortable T-shirt instead of a cramped polo shirt.
- It’s okay if you don’t feel confident at first! There’s nothing wrong with having a “fake it until you make it” attitude.^{[9]XResearch source}

13

Stick to a diet and exercise routine.

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Diet and exercise play a large role in our appearance. Instead of trying to lose weight or meet a certain beauty standard, just focus on eating healthy, balanced meals and exercising a few times per week. When you feel good, you look good, too!^{[10]XResearch source}
- Everyone’s diet is slightly different, and the same meal plan won’t work for everyone. In general, try to eat 3 balanced meals per day with plenty of fruits, vegetables, lean protein, and whole grains.
- Aim for getting 30 minutes of exercise per day, 5 days a week. You could try jogging, swimming, jumping rope, weight training, or cycling as a fun way to stay healthy.^{[11]XTrustworthy SourceCenters for Disease Control and PreventionMain public health institute for the US, run by the Dept. of Health and Human ServicesGo to source}

14

Don’t weigh yourself constantly.

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Resist the urge to weigh yourself every day. Believe it or not, your actual weight can shift between 4 and 6 lb (1.8 and 2.7 kg) throughout the day, depending on when you weigh yourself. Besides, your weight is just a number—it doesn’t define your beauty, worth, or appearance. If needed, step on the scale once a week to get idea of where you’re at, instead of checking religiously each day.
- You might feel better if you throw out your scale altogether.

Expert Q&A

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How do you get pride in your appearance?
Jennifer Butler, MSW
Confidence Coach
Jennifer Butler is a Love & Transformation Coach and the Owner of JennJoyCoaching, a life coaching business based in Miami, Florida, although Jennifer works with clients all over the world. Jennifer’s work centers around empowering women who are navigating any stage of the divorce or breakup process. She has over four years of life coaching experience. She is also the co-host of the Deep Chats Podcast along with Leah Morris and the host of season 2 “Divorce and Other Things You Can Handle” by Worthy. Her work has been featured in ESME, DivorceForce, and Divorced Girl Smiling. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from New York University. She is also a Certified Health Coach, a Communications & Life Mastery Specialist, and a Certified Conscious Uncoupling and Calling in “the One” coach.
Jennifer Butler, MSW
Confidence Coach
Expert Answer
Fall in love with your appearance in the mirror. Your cellulite, your stretch marks from your babies, all of it. When you love yourself and everything about your body, it's hard for other people not to feel the same way too.
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Tips

Ultimately, self-acceptance starts with a single choice. If you make an active choice to love and accept yourself, your personal view of yourself will change for the better.^{[12]XResearch source}
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It’s perfectly normal to have bad days where you’re a little harder on yourself than usual.
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Take a step back and count how many times you typically criticize or think negatively in a single day. Try to stop these thoughts in their tracks to change your self-image.
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