How to Be Popular in Middle School (for Girls)

The movies say that being popular means gossiping and looking perfect, but that’s not actually true. What popularity is really about is befriending new people, following the trends that you also like, not acting weird or crazy, sharing your interests, showing enthusiasm about your school, and being someone your classmates can look up to. By being kind, friendly, and true to what you believe in, your classmates will love you if you follow these simple steps!

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Building Your Social Skills

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1
Make friends with new people. Start by just saying “Hi!”or "Hello!" to the person who sits next to you in class. Talk or complain about your homework, like, “That worksheet took me forever!” As you get to know them, start asking what’s new in their life. It’s hard at first, but the more people you talk to, the more relaxed and confident you’ll feel.^{[1]XResearch source}
- Try sitting with somebody new at lunch. Say, “Wow, your sandwich looks good,” or, “Can you believe the cafeteria served pizza today?”
- Relax and act normally when you talk to new people--you don’t want it to seem like you’re trying too hard. Let your new friendships progress slowly and naturally, and don’t force anyone to be your friend if they’re not interested.
2
Talk to your new friends outside of school. Exchange phone numbers and talk or text them a few times a week. It can be something as simple as, “I’m so bored. What’s up with you?” Invite them to hang out by saying something like, “Do you want to go to the mall this weekend? My mom can drive!” ^{[2]XResearch source}
- Use a cell phone if you have one, but it’s okay if you don’t. Ask your parents if it’s okay to talk to your friends on the landline. If they’re worried about you spending too much time on the phone, say you’ll limit it to just half an hour a day.
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3
Post on social media to boost your popularity. Follow your new friends and share funny videos, link to cool websites, and pictures of places you go. Use your pictures and posts to show who you really are and not the person you think people will like.
- Stay safe online. Don’t chat with people you don’t know and never be cruel to someone on social media.
- If your parents won’t allow you to have a social media account, remember that they’re only looking out for you. Ask them if you can have social media with some limitations, like not following anyone you don’t know. If they say you’re not old enough, ask what age is okay. Maybe it’s only a year or two! In the meantime, focus on making friends in school and in “real life.”^{[3]XResearch source}
4
Stay loyal to your “old” friends. Invite your old group when you make plans with your new friends, or hang out with your old friends separately if they don’t want to mix. Whatever you do, don’t choose popularity over true friendship and loyalty. These are the friends who’ve been there for you from the start, so make sure to show them how important they are to you. You know what they say; Find the gold but keep the bronze. ^{[4]XResearch source}
- If the popular kids won’t accept you still being friends with your old group, really think about if popularity is worth losing a lifelong friendship over.
- If your old friends are upset that you’re trying to be popular or feel left behind, be honest with them about it. Say, “I’m trying to make new friends and meet new people, but you know that no one could ever replace you.” Show you mean it by making plans with them or eating lunch with them at least a few times a week.
5
Avoid changing yourself drastically to become popular. What makes you different and unique is what people will attract people to you, so embrace who you are! Loving yourself shows that you’re not ashamed of who you are, and that kind of confidence will make everyone want to be your friend.^{[5]XResearch source}
- Listen to the music you love even if it’s not the top 10 hits. Wear clothes that make you feel great even if they’re not from a designer label. Maybe you love to knit or can spend hours reading--embrace those quirky habits!
- If your new friends pressure you to change your values or who you really are, they’re probably not people you want to be friends with.

Part 2

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Getting Involved in Your School

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Run for student government. Ask your classmates what they want to see improved about the school. Pick the top three things that you can do and make that your campaign platform. You’ll become popular not just because people will know who you are, but because they’ll also respect you for your ideas and bravery.^{[6]XResearch source}
- Think of realistic ideas, like making school dances more fun or organizing cool assemblies and performances.
- If the idea of joining student government is too scary, or just not your thing, get involved in other ways! Join a club or sports team to meet new people.
2
Show off your talents. It’s time to show your classmates what you’re great at! Even if you think your talent is uncool or weird, embracing it will show that you’re confident in who you are. And you’ll be surprised by how many other people might love your hobby, too! Here are some ideas to get you started:^{[7]XResearch source}
- If you love to sing, dance, or act, act in school plays or enter a school talent show.
- If you love playing sports, join a team. Go for a sport you already love or try a new one to meet a whole new group of people.
- If you love writing or photography, work for the school newspaper or yearbook, if you have one.
- If you’re passionate about a particular subject, start a club for it or volunteer to tutor other kids who need help.
3
Get excited about school events. You’ll get to know your new friends in a more relaxed way by hanging out with them outside of regular school hours. Have fun with it and take advantage of all the cool activities your school puts on.^{[8]XResearch source}
- Show your spirit by dressing up for school spirit days, cheering on your classmates at sports games, and supporting your friends at talent shows and music performances.
4
Set up new clubs, activities, and events. Sometimes it feels like nothing ever happens at your school, but you have the power to change that! Ask your teacher or principal how you can pitch your ideas for a new club or school activity, like a field trip or a cool assembly. Have a positive attitude, be kind and helpful. Here are a few other ideas to get you brainstorming:^{[9]XResearch source}
- Start a recycling program. If your school already has one, revamp it! Set up a competition between grades or homerooms to see who can recycle the most in a month. Offer a fun prize, like a pizza party, for the winner.
- Hold a career day. Invite parents, community leaders, or even older brothers and sisters to talk about their jobs as a fun break from class for your classmates. If you get enough speakers, make it a career week! Highlight a different job every day.

Part 3

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Keeping a Good Reputation

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Keep your grades up. Your classmates will admire your hard work and good grades! They might even ask you for help with their own homework.
- Although blowing off homework or failing tests might not seem like a big deal--it might even seem cool!--your friends and classmates will eventually stop respecting you if you act like you don’t care about school.
2
Dress stylishly, but keep it appropriate. Wear clothes that make you look and, more importantly, feel great, while staying within your school’s dress code. Instead of wearing revealing tops or super-short shorts or skirts any tops, look for long, flowy skirts and comfy sweaters. Experiment with jewelry and shoes, too.
- You can still rock your personal style if your school has uniforms. Accessorize with funky jewelry, shoes, or tights. Wear a bold headband or shiny clips to catch people’s eyes.
- Be true to your own style. If you feel best in sporty, casual clothes, you don’t need to jump right into wearing dresses every day. Start off by pairing a nice pair of jeans with a cool T-shirt. Mix in a skirt every once in awhile if you want, or just try tops that are a little fancier.
3
Stay true to what you know is right. Don’t be afraid to say what you feel, even if it doesn’t seem like the popular thing to do at the time. Stand up for your values so that others respect you, and so you can respect yourself.^{[10]XResearch source}
- For example, if it seems like all the popular kids are slacking off with their work but you know you need to get good grades, keep at it.
- If all the other girls start wearing a style of clothes you don’t feel comfortable in, don’t feel like you need to change.
4
Stand up to bullies. Grab one of your friends to help you feel more confident. Make eye contact and say, “That’s really not okay. I think you should stop.” Stay calm and cool and don’t let them rile you up. If you feel like the situation might get dangerous, get a teacher’s help.
- Standing up to bullies shows that you’re brave, confident, and care about your classmates.
- Standing up to bullies can get you new friends and the teachers and classmates might notice what you have done and will pay attention to you. They might even notice you as a hero!
5
Stay away from drugs. You’ve probably heard it your whole life, but this rule is still pretty important. Alcohol, drugs, and cigarettes won’t make you more popular--they’ll just give you a bad reputation. Drugs will make you feel bad mentally and physically, and might even ruin your appearance. ^{[11]XResearch source}
- To politely say no to someone offering you drugs, say something like, “No thanks. It’s not really my thing.”
- You can also make up an excuse or even a light joke, by saying, “If my parents found out I was drinking, they’d never let me hang out with you again! And they find out everything I do, so it’s just not worth the risk.”

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What If getting popular is really hard at your school?
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All you can do is your best. Make a few friends who will stick by you no matter what. That's more important than being popular.
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What if you have to wear a uniform?
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You can still have a unique style. You can style your hair, wear accessories, jewelry, tights, and shoes and socks of your choosing.
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What if you are to choose between being popular and being with your lame friends?
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Are your friends real friends? Do they treat you with respect? Can you be yourself around them? If so, you should stick with them and not worry so much about being popular.
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Tips

When you get to school on the first day of school, say "Hello!" to the person next to you start by introducing your name and asking for theirs. If you're new to the school, say something like "I'm new to this school. Are you?" If you're not new say,"Are you new to this school?" Keep the conversation going and everything might turn out okay!
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Try to look approachable. Most people are drawn towards someone who has a smile on their face and those who are nice and kind.
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Focus on your personality and talents. In middle school, you probably won’t be allowed to wear makeup, shave your legs, or dress provocatively. This is a great opportunity to show your classmates that what’s really beautiful about you is below the surface.
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The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of How.com.vn readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on How.com.vn, please submit it in the field below.

Do things that will cause you to be recognized for your talents. If you're good at soccer, make sure you're playing your best whenever a popular girl is around. If you're good at writing, and one of the popular girls is in your English class, write an amazing story and read it aloud to the class. Show the best aspects of yourself, but don't ever brag about how good you are.
Everyone likes to feel seen and heard, so make the other kids feel seen and heard. People will be drawn to you if they feel good when they talk to you. Listen to people when they talk, make eye contact, nod your head, smile, and ask questions so they know you're listening. Don't dominate conversations or people will think you are selfish.
If the popular girls at your school are mean, don't try to be mean like them. Be kind, and never stoop to their level. The mean girls won't stay popular forever. Eventually, the nice girls become the ones everyone wants to hang out with.
If you don't have anyone to sit with at lunch, have lunch alone and look proud while you do it! Walk tall, read a book while you eat, make it look like you aren't affected. The more confident you look, the more people will respect you.
Don't just become part of the popular group just to be popular. If you have friends who aren't popular and like being around them, stick with them. Having good friends is more important than being popular.

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Warnings

Try not to get involved in fights between groups of friends. You don’t have to be friends with everyone, but you should try to be polite and kind as much as possible.
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Be careful about jealous classmates. Bullies could start out with dirty looks, but they may step it up by spreading rumors about you. Just be nice and treat them like you would anyone else. If this doesn’t work, ask for help from a teacher, parent, or guardian.
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