How to Be More Family Oriented

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1Changing Your Perception of Family

2Communicating with Your Family

3Planning Family-Oriented Activities

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Becoming family oriented often involves a change in both mindset and behavior. At a broader level, it involves becoming more committed and appreciative of your family. In addition, managing family life with other commitments, such as work, friendships, and extracurricular activities, can be challenging and at times frustrating. Just like any other obligation, becoming family oriented often takes some work in order to make it a priority. The needs of each family are different, so figuring out the best options for your family will be important as you navigate the ways to make your family a bigger priority.

Steps

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Changing Your Perception of Family

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   Express your commitment to your family or significant other. Being family oriented does not mean that you need to neglect everything else in your life to be with your family. However, it does involve an intentional shift in mindset to prioritize your family. One way to increase your family orientation is to clearly convey your commitment to them.

   • You may say: “I want you to know I really value your presence in my life, and I am here for our family. I love you and care about you.” Saying words such as these can go a long way in helping your significant other or family members feel secure in your commitment to them.
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   Show your family you are committed. Telling your family about your commitment is a solid first step in becoming family oriented; however, showing your family your commitment through actions will solidify your family orientation mindset. Those that are family oriented often value each other’s happiness and well-being and also cherish the unity that comes from a committed family.

   • If your significant other is going through a crisis, cancel your other plans and ask them how you can help them get through this difficult time. If your child is performing in their first play, make time to go see it and support them. Actively showing your family they come first is a big step in becoming family oriented.
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   Demonstrate loyalty. Commitment involves a sense of loyalty and devotion, which can strengthen your relationships with your family. You can do this by standing up for your family members if someone bad mouths them, or staying faithful to your significant other even during difficult times in your relationship.

   • Stand by your family in times of success and happiness but also in times of despair. Being family oriented means supporting your family no matter the circumstances. If your significant other loses their job and finances become difficult, or someone in your family becomes chronically ill, continue to stand with your family and be supportive and helpful through these times.
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   Modify the emphasis you place on work. Oftentimes becoming family oriented means changing your mindset regarding other big obligations in your life, such as your job. Showing your family your commitment and appreciation may involve shifting some of your thoughts and behaviors regarding your work life.

   • Consider cutting back on work hours or talk to your boss about taking on a little bit less responsibility as you make the shift to becoming more family oriented. You could say: “I’m trying to show my family my commitment and am trying to make them a bigger priority. I am still committed to this job but want to take on a little less right now.”
   • Create boundaries regarding your work. It is easy to try to fit in a little bit of work during every free minute you have, and soon you might find yourself constantly sending emails at 2 am when you should be sleeping, or during evenings while watching TV with your family. Therefore, creating boundaries regarding your work will be helpful in making sure you are giving more attention to your family.
5. 5
   Do an overhaul of your to-do list for work and chores. This is especially important if you have large, busy families, and you are not only trying to manage yourself, but also your spouse and children. Focusing too much on the to-do list can cause one to lose track of family time that requires just as much care and attention. Look at your list and reorganize it into three sections: Don’t, Delegate, and Do.

   • Don't: There are always a few things on your list you know very well you don't have the time for, so just take them off your list so you can stop worrying about them.
   • Delegate: Other things on your list are really things that you should be asking a coworker or another family member to help with. Delegate these tasks to the proper people so they get done the right way. Remember that trying to do everything yourself is rarely a sound strategy.
   • Do: Now your to-do list should be pared down to the things that really should be on it. Not only will your family thank you for the extra time you will be making with them, you will also feel much less stressed in the long run.
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Communicating with Your Family

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   Have one-on-one conversations. Intentionally spend some alone time with each member of your family so that you can develop a deep bond with each person on an individual level. This might be a time when you explore an interest you both share, or talk about an issue that has been bothering one of you. It can also be a time you express your appreciation and support of this family member.
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   Express honesty and support. Strong families place a big emphasis on talking to one another in an open and honest way. At times, families that have depth and commitment experience conflict because of this honest communication. However, this conflict can lead to stronger and deeper family relationships.

   • Communicate your needs as well as your concerns in an assertive, yet kind, manner in order to create healthy boundaries and show support for your family members. If you are experiencing a conflict with your significant other, you could say: “When you constantly point out my flaws, it makes me feel inadequate. I know you’re trying to help me improve, but I wonder if you can communicate with me in a way that is more constructive.”
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   Listen to those in your family and value their opinion. Being family oriented means caring about the thoughts and opinions of those in your family. Close-knit families frequently ask each other for advice about tough situations and value the perspective of their family members.

   • You might say: “I’m feeling really undervalued at work and don’t know how to talk to my boss about this. Can I talk to you? I think I need someone to listen and offer an outside perspective.”
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   Get to know each other’s world. Family members can start to get isolated when everyone lives in the same house but leads separate lives without any connection. Therefore, when working on becoming family oriented, it is important to get to know the people and activities in your family’s lives.

   • Create a family calendar with important dates and activities. A family calendar will give everyone a glimpse of the “big picture” and will allow all family members to schedule around important commitments. If your partner has a big show coming up, or your son has a tournament in a couple weeks, it is easier to block off these times to spend with your family when you have a centralized location to remind you of these events.
   • Meet significant people in each other’s lives. Becoming family oriented means knowing and understanding important areas in each family member’s life, including other significant people. Tell your husband that you are interested in meeting some of his work friends, or plan a night that your daughter can invite her soccer team over to the house. Showing interest in your family’s friends will communicate that you want to know about all aspects of their lives.
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Planning Family-Oriented Activities

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   Enjoy dinner together. Mealtime can be a significant period each day that allows for enriching conversation and family bonding. In addition, it can be a relatively short time commitment in your own home that does not detract significantly from other obligations.

   • Focus on making dinner time with your family enjoyable. Tell jokes, have light conversation, and pay compliments to one another.
   • Set a goal to have positive and productive conversations around the table. Perhaps every member of the family can share one good part of their day, or can ask family members for constructive feedback or support if something went wrong that day.
   • Turn off all technological devices during dinner, including the television, phone, computers, and tablets. Make sure the attention is only focused on each other and the meal at hand.
   • Have special family dinner nights. Once a week, cook a meal together, or have a “themed” night, such as homemade pizza night, or a taco bar. Include the family on planning and executing these meals so that each member feels ownership over this quality time spent together.
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   Plan a weekly family outing. Set aside one night per week that is spent with your family, and no one else. Have one person plan the activity each week, and alternate who picks the activity from week to week. Be proactive in blocking off this night and telling friends and colleagues that you are unable to participate in other activities during this particular evening.
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   Have lunch with your partner. If you and your significant other work within a few miles of one another, make plans to have lunch together once a week. It's all about finding creative ways to spend time together. If you make a schedule of how you use your time, you will probably realize you have pockets of time throughout the day that are ineffectively utilized, such as lunch hours. If you are finding yourself never seeing your family, use these stretches of time to fit in family activities!
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   Plan a weekday family outing. Many places throughout the city have discounted or even free tickets on weekdays since most people do not frequent site-seeing locales throughout the week. If you find out that a museum has free admission on a Thursday, or a botanical garden has discounted tickets on a Monday, see if you can arrange an outing with one or more members of your family that have flexible work hours or a day off!
5. 5
   Acknowledge and cherish simple in-between moments. Bonding with your family and becoming more family-oriented is not about planning out every interaction. It is about simply living and honoring every bit of time you have with your children or partner. Our bonding and connecting experiences with our immediate families are not just about the trips we go on or the outings we plan. Some of the warmest, most charming and emotionally enriching experiences occur in ordinary, everyday life.

   • How do we become more mindful of these ‘in-between’ moments? It’s about listening to your partner and children to honor and give thanks for the things they share with you. Do your best to avoid giving commands or criticism during simple daily conversations. Show non-verbal signs of affection such as smiling, a pat on the back, a kiss on the cheek or a hug.
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   Develop new family traditions together. You don't have to wait for a special holiday or birthday to bond with your family. Together you can create little, simple, and fun traditions. This could be going out on the weekends for breakfast, or making an extra special Sunday dinner. It could be a day of shopping each month, or a movie night at a favorite theater. If the weather is warm, purchase some flowers and plants, and have a family gardening party. It doesn’t matter what tradition you and your family invent, just make it special by incorporating something that everyone will get some enjoyment out of.
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   Do mundane tasks together. Grocery shopping, cleaning the house, and yard work are all opportunities to get the family together! If one of your kids loves cooking, ask them to help you in the kitchen. If your spouse is just watching television, ask them if they’d like to come with you to run a few errands. These seemingly boring tasks are sneaky avenues of bonding with your family members.
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Tips

• Value commitment, communication, loyalty, and appreciation in your family relationships.
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• Set aside intentional time to spend with your family on a daily and weekly basis.
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• Talk to your family members so that you know what is important to them and so that you all can take part in planning family time together.
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