How to Be Happy During Sad Times

Everyone experiences sadness in some form during life. When we are feeling sad or going through a rough time, it is often difficult to find the silver lining and try to be happy. However, you can become happier if you work to accept and explore your sadness, change your thinking patterns, and take active steps to cultivate happiness.^{[1]XExpert SourceMichelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA
Life CoachExpert Interview. 18 March 2020.}

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Acknowledging Sadness

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Explore and identify the source of your sadness. Reflect on recent events in your life to see if anything could be triggering your sadness. Sadness is common after break-ups, losing a job, or failing a test. Sadness may also occur if you have been stuck in an unsatisfying routine.^{[2]XExpert SourceMichelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA
Life CoachExpert Interview. 18 March 2020.} Sadness is different for everyone, but typically lasts for no longer than 6 months after the event that triggered it.^{[3]XResearch source}
- You may be experiencing clinical depression if your sadness occurs nearly every day and is accompanied by feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness, fatigue, lack of interest in activities you once enjoyed, difficulty focusing, and/or suicidal thoughts.^{[4]XTrustworthy SourceNational Health Service (UK)Public healthcare system of the UKGo to source} You should consult with a doctor or mental health professional right away if you experience any of these more significant symptoms.^{[5]XExpert SourcePeggy Rios, PhD
  Counseling Psychologist (Florida)Expert Interview. 18 December 2020.}
2
Accept your sadness. While it may be tempting to force yourself to be happy and distract yourself from sadness, denial of sadness is not a realistic approach to feeling happier. Sadness is an important and normal experience of life. Putting pressure on yourself to be positive or upbeat all the time can be damaging.^{[6]XExpert SourcePeggy Rios, PhD
Counseling Psychologist (Florida)Expert Interview. 18 December 2020.}
- Ignoring or denying your sadness can lead to problems later in life including pain, fatigue, and difficulty coping with further losses.^{[7]XTrustworthy SourcePubMed CentralJournal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of HealthGo to source}
3
Talk about your sadness with others. Sharing your feelings and experiences of sadness with others you trust may provide some comfort and relief. Not only is having healthy connections and relationships with others an essential component to feeling happier in life, isolating from others when you are sad can leave you and them feeling worse.^{[8]XTrustworthy SourceMental Health FoundationUK charity working towards good mental health for all.Go to source}
- If you’re not sure who to talk to, consider friends you are close to, your spouse/partner, a counselor or other mental health professional, siblings or other relatives, and people you know who have shared similar experiences.
- If you’re not sure how to share your feelings or are uncomfortable, start with simple statements like “I feel…” From there, try to keep the focus on yourself, rather than accusing or blaming the other person for anything. For example, “I feel sad when you don’t spend time with me” versus “You never have time for me anymore!”^{[9]XResearch source}
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Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Rethinking Sadness

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Practice gratitude. This may not be easy or feel natural at first, because we tend to feel grateful for good things that happen to us, not necessarily things that make us sad. However, regularly expressing gratitude can help build resilience and help you cope with difficult/sad times in the future.^{[10]XTrustworthy SourceGreater Good MagazineJournal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier livingGo to source} Some ways to practice gratitude include:
- Remember past times in your life that were difficult, think about how you made it through, and ask yourself how you have changed or become stronger because of those struggles.^{[11]XTrustworthy SourceGreater Good MagazineJournal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier livingGo to source}
- Write down concrete things you are grateful for and acknowledge what you do have.^{[12]XResearch source}
- Help other people in need by volunteering your time or resources. This can give you a sense of appreciation of what you have, versus focusing on what is bringing you down.^{[13]XResearch source}
2
Change how you think about happiness. Happiness does not come from objects or experiences. Happiness is a lifelong process and is created by cultivating a healthy sense of well-being, contentment with the ups and downs of life, and healthy relationships with others.^{[14]XExpert SourceMichelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA
Life CoachExpert Interview. 18 March 2020.} It may take years to achieve and may require being vulnerable to working through your emotions, changing your habits, and pushing yourself to be open.^{[15]XResearch source}
- In American culture, we may also be taught to delay happiness until we’ve achieved our goals or reached certain milestones. It may be more helpful to try to think of happiness and well-being as something you should invest in now, rather than something that will come to you later.^{[16]XResearch source}
3
Challenge negative thinking patterns.^{[17]XExpert SourceMichelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA
Life CoachExpert Interview. 18 March 2020.} Sadness during rough times often leads to automatic negative thoughts, such as thinking that nothing will get better or calling yourself names. These types of thoughts will only keep you stuck in sadness. Some ways you can confront negative thinking patterns include:
- Recognize the common types of negative thoughts. All-or-nothing thinking occurs when you tend to only see things in black-and-white terms. Overgeneralizing occurs when one sad event makes you feel defeated. For example, “I’m never going to get this right.” Mental filtering happens when you focus only on the negative details of an event.
- Keep a record of your daily thoughts. You can write them down in a daily journal at the end of the day, or you can keep track of them on paper or on your phone as they occur throughout the day.^{[18]XResearch source}
- After you’ve written down your negative thoughts, examine any evidence that they are true and try to think of times and examples where these thoughts were not true.
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Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Cultivating Happiness

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Take care of your body. To feel happier, you will need to feel fairly healthy in body as well as in mind. Some ways you can look after your body include:
- Getting regular exercise. Exercise releases endorphins (chemicals in your brain) that help elevate and shift your mood. Exercise can also be fun and distract you from thinking about whatever has caused your sadness.^{[19]XTrustworthy SourceHarvard Medical SchoolHarvard Medical School's Educational Site for the PublicGo to source}
- Eating healthy foods and reducing alcohol consumption. When experiencing sadness, it may be tempting to numb feelings with unhealthy comfort foods or alcohol, but these ways of coping may end up making you feel worse.^{[20]XResearch source}
- Getting at least 8 hours of sleep per night. Less than this may lead to mood and relationship problems, poor work productivity, and increased health problems such as heart disease.^{[21]XTrustworthy SourceAmerican Psychological AssociationLeading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologistsGo to source}
^{[22]XExpert SourceMichelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA
Life CoachExpert Interview. 18 March 2020.} Planning for the future and setting goals you want to see yourself achieve can give you back a sense of control, purpose, positivity, and hope. Keep a journal of goals you would like to achieve in the next few days, in the next few months, in the next few years, and in the distant future. Focus on writing down goals that are simple, meaningful to you, achievable, and realistic.^{[23]XResearch source}
3
Express yourself creatively. Consider cooking, journaling, coloring, drawing, gardening, or playing an instrument. These activities are all ways for you to explore more about yourself, feel increased self-confidence and mastery, and form relationships with others.^{[24]XResearch source}
- You do not have to be talented or an expert at what you’re doing to feel the happiness boost creativity will give you.
- If you’re unsure where to start, think back to what you enjoyed as a child or young adult.
4
Meditate. Mindfulness exercises like meditation help you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings without judging them.^{[25]XResearch source} Meditation helps teach you to be still and with regular practice, may help shift the brain toward focusing more on positive feelings.^{[26]XResearch source}* If you are new to meditation and not sure how to start, first start by choosing a time and space where you can sit in quiet and not be disturbed. You can sit on the floor or in a chair, whatever is most comfortable for you. Choose how long you would like to meditate for, but if you’re new to meditation it’s best to start with short sittings of five to ten minutes. As you meditate, you will simply focus on your breath and any sensations in your body. You might notice your mind start to wander. Let any thoughts come and go without judgment and return your focus to your breath.^{[27]XResearch source}
- If you are having difficulty with meditating on your own, you can find guided meditations online.
If you’re feeling sad, you may have trouble cultivating happiness in more meaningful ways, so sometimes just distracting yourself can be helpful. Find something that is enjoyable to you, such as watching a funny movie, listening to your favorite music, dancing, etc.^{[28]XResearch source}
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Expert Q&A

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Question
How can I feel good about myself?
Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA
Life Coach, Author, and Speaker
Michelle Shahbazyan is a Life Coach, Author, and Speaker, and the Founder of The LA Life Coach, a concierge life, family, and career coaching service based in Los Angeles, California. She has over 10 years of experience with life coaching, consulting, motivational speaking, and matchmaking. She has a BA in Applied Psychology and an MS in Building Construction and Technology Management from Georgia Tech University, and a MA in Psychology with an emphasis on Marriage and Family Therapy from Phillips Graduate University.
Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA
Life Coach, Author, and Speaker
Expert Answer
Talk to yourself kindly. Use less strong and harsh language. For example, instead of thinking “I’m never going to get this right,” instead tell yourself something like “I am human and it is okay to make mistakes. I may not get it right this time, but I will learn for next time.”
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Question
How can I be happy in any situation?
Peggy Rios, PhD
Counseling Psychologist (Florida)
Dr. Peggy Rios is a Counseling Psychologist based in Florida. With over 24 years of experience, Dr. Rios works with people struggling with psychological symptoms such as anxiety and depression. She specializes in medical psychology, weaving together behavioral health programs informed by empowerment theory and trauma treatment. Dr. Rios uses integrated, evidence-based models to provide support and therapy for people with life-altering medical conditions. She holds an MS and Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from the University of Maryland. Dr. Rios is a licensed psychologist in the state of Florida.
Peggy Rios, PhD
Counseling Psychologist (Florida)
Expert Answer
This isn't a realistic goal, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Your negative emotions exist for a reason, and they can be helpful in certain situations. With that said, if your goal is to just be a generally happier person, there are tons of ways to do it. Often, it helps to just start engaging in a little more self-care.
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Question
Is it easier to be happy or sad?
Peggy Rios, PhD
Counseling Psychologist (Florida)
Dr. Peggy Rios is a Counseling Psychologist based in Florida. With over 24 years of experience, Dr. Rios works with people struggling with psychological symptoms such as anxiety and depression. She specializes in medical psychology, weaving together behavioral health programs informed by empowerment theory and trauma treatment. Dr. Rios uses integrated, evidence-based models to provide support and therapy for people with life-altering medical conditions. She holds an MS and Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from the University of Maryland. Dr. Rios is a licensed psychologist in the state of Florida.
Peggy Rios, PhD
Counseling Psychologist (Florida)
Expert Answer
I don't know if that's necessarily a good way to think about it. You don't necessarily choose your emotions; they just kind of occur, so there's no difficulty involved. However, in terms of which feeling is easier to handle, it's definitely happiness!
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