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This article was co-authored by Paul Chernyak, LPC. Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.
There are 15 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 29,455 times.
Friendships between Jews and Muslims are not uncommon. In fact, many Jews and Muslims work together in harmony. Having a relationship with a Jewish person is not forbidden or discouraged in Islam. That said, you should respect your friend’s beliefs. While it is generally not advisable to discuss religion with friends, you can approach the issue in a civil manner. Avoiding fights over religion is important, but it’s also pretty easy. You will find that being friends with a Jewish person is very similar to being friends with anyone else.
Steps
Method 1
Method 1 of 4:
Respecting Your Friend’s Beliefs
Treat your Jewish friend like any other friend. Most likely, you have friends from other religions. Even your Muslim friends will most likely have different religious opinions on different matters. Treat all of your friends as individuals with different beliefs, opinions, and practices. Some good friend qualities include:[1]- Being honest and trustworthy.
- Being a good listener.
- Not judging your friend.
- Being loyal and dependable.
- Showing empathy for your friend.
- Supporting your friend in good times and bad times.
Cherish your similarities. While there are different schools of thought regarding the relationship between Islam and Judaism, many scholars agree that there are considerable similarities between the faiths. Instead of focusing on your differences, think about what you both have in common. Look for core beliefs that you both share, and consider the values, morals, and ethics that you and your friend both have.[2]- How do you both feel about helping others? Do you have similar philosophies about generosity, hard work, or respect?
- Are you both spiritual people? Is prayer important to both of you?
- What non-religious characteristics do you have in common? Do you like the same books or shows? Do you share hobbies? Do you have a similar sense of humor?
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Contact an interfaith council. If you are curious about ways you can reach out respectfully to your Jewish friend, you might want to contact an organization that specializes in interfaith relations. There are many that focus specifically on the relationship between Muslims and Jews. These include:
Talk about things other than religion. Friends discuss sports, movies, music, social events, their feelings, and many other things. If every conversation you have with your friends slips into a debate about religion, you might want to change the subject. Instead, think about other things you both enjoy. For example:- What interests and hobbies do you have in common?
- Can you talk about work or school?
- Have you seen any movies or TV shows recently that you want to discuss?
- What is the latest news in your social group?
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Method 2
Method 2 of 4:
Communicating With Your Friend
Ask respectful questions about their religion. If you are curious or confused about an aspect of Judaism, you can ask your friend about it. Make sure to state your questions in a respectful way. Let them know that are you are not criticizing their religion but that you are genuinely curious about their beliefs. Some questions you might ask:- "How do you celebrate Hanukkah?"
- "Do you know Hebrew?"
- "Are you allowed to marry someone that's not Jewish?"
Discuss what you believe without making generalizations. If religion does come up, remain civil. Instead of talking about what you think Judaism means, state instead what Islam means to you. This will make it seem as though you are not attacking your friend's religion; rather, you are simply stating your own beliefs.- For example, instead of saying that Jewish people are immodest, you can say instead, “In my religion, we believe that modesty is important.” You might find that your Jewish friend actually has the same belief.
Celebrate holidays. If your friend is celebrating a Jewish holiday, you might want to send them good wishes. Although you may not believe in their traditions, you can express your goodwill towards them.
Deflect criticism on your faith. Your friend might have assumptions about your religion or your practices. If they say something that offends you, correct the assumption gently. Remind your friend that it is not ok for them to make assumptions about your religion.- For example, if your Jewish friend makes a comment about Muslims and violence, you can say, “People of all faiths do bad things. You shouldn’t judge a whole religion based on a few people.”[8]
- If your friend persists, you should sit them down and talk to them. Let them know that you enjoy their friendship but that their comments on your religion are unacceptable. You can say, “I know everyone is entitled to their opinions, but if you don’t respect my religion, I feel as though you don’t respect me. I think we should avoid this topic in the future.”
Resolve conflicts with your friend. Fighting with your friend can be upsetting and you will probably want to resolve these conflicts as soon as possible. If a conflict arises with your friend, try to stay calm, practice active listening, empathize with your friend, and look for a solution to the problem.- For example, if your friend gets upset because of something you said, then you might start by taking a few deep breaths to calm yourself down.[9]
- Then, ask your friend to tell you more about what is the matter and listen closely to what your friend has to say. Remove all distractions, such as by putting away your phone, and look at your friend while they are talking. If anything your friend says is unclear, then ask your friend to clarify what they mean.
- Try to imagine how your friend might be feeling. How might you feel in the same situation? What might help you to feel better?
- After you have listened to your friend and considered their feelings, try to look for a solution. This might be as simple as apologizing and promising not to repeat the behavior. For example, you might say, “I’m sorry. I can see how upsetting that must have been for you. I will do my best to avoid upsetting you like this again.”
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Method 3
Method 3 of 4:
Preventing Conflict Over Religion
Discuss each other's spiritual needs. Both Judaism and Islam have certain requirements and restrictions. Ask your friend how you can accommodate their religious needs, and let them know what you can and cannot do. This will foster a healthy friendship where both of you understand each other’s needs.- For example, you could say to your friend, “I would love to meet up with you next week, but I can’t eat lunch because it’s Ramadan. I’m fasting until sunset.” Perhaps they will suggest a non-food related activity.
- You can explain to your friend that you cannot eat foods that are haram. In return, do not try to feed your friend foods that are not kosher.[10]
Stay away from assumptions. Just as there are many branches of Islam, there are also many different types of Judaism. While your friend’s religion likely plays a big part in their life, you should not make assumptions or generalizations about their religious beliefs, political affiliation, or personal morals. Instead of assuming, ask them about their personal beliefs.- For example, do not assume that your friend has a particular belief regarding the status of Israel. If you want to discuss it, you can ask, "What are your opinions on Israel? I'm not judging, but I do want to know what you think." If they have a different opinion than you, you can say, "That's interesting. That's not exactly what I believe. Would you be willing to discuss this sometime?" If they say no, it just means that it's a personal issue, and they do not want to cause a rift.
Avoid trying to convert your friend. You might feel as though it is your duty to convert your friend to Islam, but this may cause you to lose a friend.[11] Remember that they may believe as strongly in their religion as you do in yours. Instead of trying to convert them, have an open dialogue with them. Talk about your religion if they ask you. Instead of pressuring them to convert, simply talk about your beliefs and your practices. If they are attracted to Islam, they will ask you for more information.- You can invite your friend to attend your mosque with you. If they are uninterested, do not press the issue. This gives them an opening to learn about your faith, but it does not pressure them. You can say, "If you want, you can come with me to my mosque sometime. There's no pressure, of course, but if you ever want to learn about my religion, the option is open."
Handle politics carefully. In some parts of the world, religion and politics are tightly entwined. Certain subjects may be touchy for you and your friend. While you might mean well by bringing up political subjects, your friend might think that you are lecturing or criticizing them. This will make them defensive. You might want to avoid politics altogether. If the subject arises, you can help lessen the tension.- Let your friend know that your political beliefs do not change how you feel about them. You can say, "I know this might a touchy subject, and I don't think that the Jewish people are responsible for this. I just think that some individuals did something wrong."
- If the subject of violence or terrorism comes up, you might want to state something like, "People of all faiths and nationalities do bad things. It's just unfortunate that everyone else is blamed for it."
Stop feeling guilty. You might feel as though your religion prevents you from being friends with people of other faiths, but many Muslim scholars believe that the Quran allows you to be friends. In fact, you are encouraged to be kind and generous to people of all faiths.[12] If you are confused or worried about your friendship, you can ask your imam for advice.Advertisement
Method 4
Method 4 of 4:
Dealing With What Other People Think
Stand up to naysayers. You might know other Muslims who do not like that you hang out with a Jewish person. These may be your friends, acquaintances, or family members. If they try to persuade you to ditch your friend, stand up for yourself. Let them know that you believe in being kind and generous to people of all faiths.- You can say, "Islam is the religion of peace, and that means extending love and peace to all people."
- If they persist, you can say, "My friendship with a Jewish person is not your concern. I will continue to do what I believe is right."
Remind your family that friendship is not forbidden. You might have parents, siblings, or other family members who disapprove of your friendship. Perhaps this disapproval is based on political beliefs. Some might believe that such a friendship is forbidden. Explain to your family that the Quran does not forbid friendships with people of other faiths.- If your family's disapproval comes from their disdain for Israeli politics, you can say, "My friend is not responsible for the political situation. They are a good person, and that is all that is important."
- If your family is biased against the Jewish faith, you might say, "Jews are people of the book too. They follow an Abrahamic faith. We might have our disagreements, but I do not think that it means I should shun them."[13]
- While some use certain verses in the Quran as proof that you should not be friends with other faiths, you might want to point out that those verses were written when there were many wars between the religions. Many scholars believe that the verses have no relevance today.[14]
Demonstrate the benefits of interfaith dialogue. Through your friendship, you can be living proof of how interfaith relations can help promote peace. If others doubt you, let them know how you are helping heal tensions between the religions. Encourage others to do the same as you.- You can remind people that both Judaism and Islam believe in cooperation to improve the welfare of humanity.[15] You can say, "By being friends with all people, I am acting on the principles of peace in Islam. Actions speak louder than words."
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Tips
- If you respect your Jewish friend, they will likely respect you as well.Thanks
- Do not feel as though you have to walk on eggshells around your friend. You can still do most, if not all, of the same things you do with all of your other friends.Thanks
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Warnings
- Avoid letting politics interfere with your relationship.Thanks
- If you discuss your faith with them, they will want to discuss their faith with you. Do not pressure them to learn about Islam if you are not willing to learn about Judaism.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/lifetime-connections/201503/the-13-essential-traits-good-friends
- ↑ http://www.judaism-islam.com/the-islamic-view-of-judaism/
- ↑ http://www.judaism-islam.com/
- ↑ http://www.childrenofabraham.org.uk/
- ↑ http://www.3ff.org.uk/
- ↑ http://toriavey.com/hanukkah-the-festival-of-lights/
- ↑ http://www.interfaithfamily.com/holidays/shabbat_and_other_holidays/_Jewish_Greetings_Cheat_Sheet.shtml
- ↑ http://www.nytimes.com/2015/12/16/world/americas/muslim-parents-on-how-they-talk-to-their-children-about-hatred-and-extremism.html
- ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/conflict-resolution-skills.htm
- ↑ http://www.themodernreligion.com/basic/charac/q_rel_nonmuslims.htm
- ↑ http://www.pewforum.org/2013/04/30/the-worlds-muslims-religion-politics-society-interfaith-relations/
- ↑ https://www.alislam.org/egazette/updates/is-it-true-that-the-quran-says-to-not-take-the-jews-and-christians-for-friends/
- ↑ http://www.pbs.org/empires/islam/faithpeople.html
- ↑ https://www.alislam.org/egazette/updates/is-it-true-that-the-quran-says-to-not-take-the-jews-and-christians-for-friends/
- ↑ http://www.josephinterfaithfoundation.org/
About this article
Paul Chernyak, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
This article was co-authored by Paul Chernyak, LPC. Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011. This article has been viewed 29,455 times.
Co-authors: 25
Updated: October 11, 2022
Views: 29,455
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 29,455 times.
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