How to Be Coy

Master the art of subtlety to attract a partner

You can be coy in many ways, whether it be in your romantic or everyday life. It can help you attract a man or find meaningful friendships. In romance, being coy is a time honored method for attracting men. Some women are coy by nature, but others have to work to be coy. Whether you are trying to attract a guy, wanting to keep your boyfriend on his toes, or changing your everyday behavior, acting coy is simple if you just follow a few methods.^{[1]XResearch source}

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Attracting a Guy

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1
Smile shyly at him. If a new, cute guy has just approached you, smile softly at him. You don't want to seem overly eager or too enthusiastic. This might scare him away. Just grin at him, batting your eyelashes a few times. He'll know that you are at least somewhat interested in him but aren't desperate for his company. This will make you seem approachable without seeming overzealous.
- This works on a guy across the room as well. If you see a guy who you want to come talk to you, smile at him across the room, making eye contact. This will send out the signal that you see him and are open to him talking to you.^{[2]XResearch source}
2
Flirt with your eyes. Using your eyes is a great way to attract the attention of a guy. When you first meet a guy, don't stare at him too much and look over too eager for his company. Bat your eyes at him, looking away only to sneak looks back at him. This will let him know you are interested and playful but not desperate. Give him a smoldering look as he says something nice to you. You want him to know that you like what you are seeing when you look at him.^{[3]XResearch source}
- If you are on your morning train commute or in the grocery store and you see a guy you like, try making eye contact. When he looks up at you, hold his gaze for a second, but then look away. Then, look back at him and wait for him to look back at you. Once you catch his eye again, smile at him shyly and then look away again. Try to let him know your interested without looking desperate. He will eventually get that you think he's cute and come talk to you.
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3
Use body language. Coming off as coy has a lot of do with your body language. When you interact with him, you want to let him know you are interested without telling him. Stand or sit closer to him as you talk. When you want to tell him something, lean closer to him and say it in his ear. Find a way to touch him, such as leaning on him for support while you fix your shoe or try to regain your balance.^{[4]XExpert SourceImad Jbara
Dating CoachExpert Interview. 5 November 2019.} When you are thinking about an answer to a question, bite your lip or put your finger near your mouth. This will make you look alluring.^{[5]XResearch source}
- Being subtle in your body movements toward him does not mean you need to hang all over him. Make subtle advances into his personal space, but make sure you read his signals. You don't want to give off desperate vibes or come on too strong.
4
Change your wardrobe. You don't have to wear revealing clothing to attract the guy you have your eye on. When you go out with your friends, wear something feminine that reveals just enough to peak a guy's interest. Wear a shorter skirt with a blouse that covers you or show a bit of cleavage in a modest length dress. This will be alluring without being trashy. You don't want to seem overzealous, easy, or desperate for attention, but you want to catch his eye.^{[6]XResearch source}
- Pair these outfit ideas with a nice pair of high heels. The high heels will make you look amazing and catch his attention. This will make you seem confident but sweet, which will pull his attention to you.
- Give him a soft, warm smile when you approach him.
5
Play with your hair. A great way to come off as coy is to play with your hair. While he is talking, twirl your hair with your fingers. You can also gently run your hands through your hair with a flirty smile on your lips. This makes you look slightly nervous, which will let him know that you are interested in him.^{[7]XResearch source}
- Don't do this too much. Subtly act nervous and slightly jittery, so he thinks you are nervous. You don't want him to think that you are bored or uninterested.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Keeping Your Boyfriend Guessing

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Don't be too available. Even if he is your boyfriend, you don't want to seem like you have no life outside your relationship. When he asks you to hang out, don't accept his terms every time he asks. Refuse the times or days every so often, telling him you have plans with your friends or are too busy. Try to reschedule for another time, one that works for both of you. That way, he knows you have a life outside of him but lets him know that you are still interested.^{[8]XResearch source}^{[9]XResearch source}
- This can be applied to electronic means of communication as well. In the current age of social media and electronics, it is easier than ever to get in touch with each other. Don't jump to respond every time he texts, calls, or tweets you. Make him work a little for your attention, which will make you seem more alluring and interesting.^{[10]XResearch source}
2
Avoid oversharing. When you are dating someone, you want to get to know them. However, try to avoid oversharing about your life early on in your relationship.^{[11]XExpert SourceImad Jbara
Dating CoachExpert Interview. 5 November 2019.} Don't lie or evade direct questions, but be coy about your answers, leaving him guessing about what else there is to know about you. Leave a little mystery for later in your relationship. You want to keep his attention by making him chase you, not annoyed because you talk too much.^{[12]XResearch source}
- If you are talking about your past, don't divulge every little detail about your life. He doesn't need to know about each embarrassing moment you had at school dances or information about each of your exes. You can also save the family history lessons for when you are farther along in your relationship. You want him to know you, not be able to write your family history.
^{[13]XExpert SourceImad Jbara
Dating CoachExpert Interview. 5 November 2019.} Being playful is a great way to coyly flirt with your boyfriend. Even though you are together, flirting with him keeps your relationship fresh and exciting. Try to giggle at him when he tells a joke. While you and he are talking, playfully push him if he says something outrageous. You can be playful with the way you talk to him as well. Slip subtle, sexy compliments to him while you're in public, like: "You look great tonight. I wish we were not in a room full of people so I could show you how great." It's subtle enough to be coy and lets him know that he is on your mind.
Even if you've been dating for a long time, you always want to leave your boyfriend wanting more. Flirt with him all throughout your date, but leave him right after dinner is over. During your date, call attention to your body. Slowly rub your hand along your neck while you talk or bite your lip while you're looking over the menu at dinner. While you eat, gently nudge his foot under the table with yours, but pretend you don't notice. At the end of the date, hug him tightly, running your hands up and down his back. When he goes in to kiss you, lean to his ear and whisper "I had a great time." before turning around to leave. This will drive him crazy and make him want you more.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Forming Close Friendships

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1
Stay aloof. When you are in a group of people, don't jump into the conversation right away. Wait until you are introduced, then you can join the conversation a little bit at a time. You still don't want to be over exuberant, just talk to one or two people at a time. Make sure your body language doesn't seem closed off. You want to seem open to intimate conversation but not overly interested in every detail of each conversation.
- This is true for the kinds of activities you undertake as well. Avoid loud parties or large clubs. Being coy means hanging on the sidelines, trying not to be noticed. You want instead to attend small, intimate gatherings.^{[14]XResearch source}
2
Be private. Whether it is at work with your colleagues or with people you don't know, you should keep to yourself. Don't divulge unnecessary information to people at work or tell them about your personal problems. If you are around your closest friends, feel free to talk about how your boyfriend dumped you or the problems you are having house training your new puppy. If you just met someone, however, keep your distance and keep your thoughts and feelings to yourself. You want to feel out how people are and how they act in order to know what kind of person they are before you try to instigate a friendship.^{[15]XResearch source}
- You should also try to avoid over sharing when asked questions. You don't want to divulge information about yourself to random people. Once you get to know someone, then you can start telling them more intimate details about yourself.
When you are trying to be coy, you don't want to be the center of attention. This goes for attitude and dress. You shouldn't wear clothes that try to grab the attention of those around you or put you in the center of the action. It is harder to make close friendships if you are constantly surrounded by tons of people. If you try to stick to the sidelines, those people that do notice you will be more likely to be interested in getting to know you for who you are.^{[16]XResearch source}
If you are typically on the outskirts, listen to those around you. Take in the information that others divulge Try to ease into new relationships, listening to what they say in order to get to know them better. Once they become more than just an acquaintance, you can open up around them and limit your coy, shy behavior when they are around.^{[17]XResearch source}

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Question
What can I do to act coy?
Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
Imad Jbara is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Imad services 100+ clients, men and women, to improve their dating lives through authentic communication skills. He has a BA in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth.
Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
Expert Answer
Don't tell people everything about yourself right away. Leave out some details so you have more things to say when the other person reaches out to you again.
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Can I still be coy even though I have a larger chest?
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Of course you can! If anything, you can use your chest size to your advantage with subtle flashes of cleavage! However, be sure not to put it all out there, especially if you don't know the guy that well.
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Tips

If you can tell a guy is really not responding to your coy tactics, change your game plan. Not every guy will react the same way to these types of behaviors.^{[18]XResearch source}
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You don't want to be too coy for too long. You want him to be more enraptured by you, not think you are losing interest or trying to get him to break up with you.
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