How to Avoid a Flame War

One of the minor annoyances of life on the internet is that as you spend more and more time in cyberspace, eventually you are likely to run into someone who wants to have a nice big flaming war of words against you. Here is how to sidestep the fighting, and keep on keeping on, with contributing to the forum, the website, or the wiki which you love so much.

Steps

In most instances, this is all that is needed, but if you are dealing with a flamer, things will begin to escalate. The would-be flamer is likely to seize on the issue, and refuse to let go of the matter. If they want to argue about the finer points, or wants to enlarge the scope of a disagreement, proceed carefully.
Don't be afraid to seek guidance from trusted members of your internet community before responding. Know all you can about the situation. And know that you are right before defending yourself.
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You might want to throw some insults back at the other person, but this is what he/she wants by inciting an argument. In most forums, engaging in drawn out flame wars can result in both of you being banned for breaking the rules. Stick to the facts.
Make a case for what you're saying, and don't use any fallacies if possible. Flamers want you to lose control. Don't give in!
Be sure to include the most pertinent facts. Phrase your answer plainly and dispassionately. Your flamer is probably very emotional about this issue and perhaps about life in general. Alternatively, you might be the target of a troll who wants you to give him/her a reaction. Don't do it. Avoid sarcasm, and don't be rude. Your goal is to cool down the situation, not to incite further hard feelings.
In other words, take swift action and leave the thread quickly, no matter what is said next.
Do not feel the need to explain your motives, the full background of position and your right to be a part of the community, and your entire life history. A flamer will demand all of that from you and more. Don't get sucked in. If he writes to you to seek more information, just refer him back to your original note and say that is all you have to say on the matter. What a flamer wants is not resolution of the issue, but rather, a fight. Don't entertain this kind of conversation. Don't play that game. It's not worth it.
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Tips

A flamer may selectively remove some of the information you have sent, particularly the more conciliatory or the nicer messages. This is typical flamer behavior; let it confirm to you that you are indeed dealing with a flamer and not someone who sincerely requires more information.
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Flamers may accuse you of having been vaguely threatening and may use all kinds of names from passive-aggressive to sarcastic. They want to plaster this material around the site, hoping that you will find this material embarrassing. But this is why you have acted dispassionately in your prior communications to the flamer. If you have done nothing to stir the pot with regard to this issue, the community will see this and will know who is the flamer, and who is just trying to mind their own business.
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Flamers will sometimes go after those they perceive as weak. That is why you must be strong in your first response. Look for a pattern of picking on the younger members of the site, the newer members, or perhaps even a pattern of arguing only with females.
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