How to Avoid Self Esteem Pitfalls of Social Media

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1Managing Your Social Media Use

2Building Stronger Relationships

3Nurturing Your Self Esteem

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Social media has become an important means of interacting with others, but too much social media exposure can negatively affect self-esteem. This may happen for different reasons, such as because you are basing your self-worth on the number of likes you get, or because you are comparing yourself to other people. Addiction to social media can also result in emotional highs and lows, leading to anxiety and depression. A lack of face-to-face communication can interfere with how we relate to others, which decreases self-esteem. To avoid the self-esteem pitfalls of social media, limit your overall consumption, avoid overly negative content, and go for instructional or inspirational media. Nurture strong relationships with your friends and family, and work on developing a healthy level of self-esteem.

Steps

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Managing Your Social Media Use

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   Monitor yourself for signs of social media addiction. Social media has the same chemical effects on your brain as nicotine and other addictive substances. This results in the emotional highs and lows associated with getting your fix and the subsequent withdrawals.

   • Look for signs like feeling nervous if you don’t check your accounts, the inability to go long periods of time without social networking, feeling sad or lonely if you don’t have any notifications, or neglecting offline responsibilities or daily functions in favor of online interaction.
   • Studies show social media might be even more addictive than cigarettes, and that withdrawal symptoms can mimic those quitting a drug or alcohol addiction.
   • If you find that an Internet or social media addiction is interfering with everyday life, consider talking to a mental health professional.
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   Limit your social media consumption. Try deleting social media apps from your mobile device to discourage yourself from checking them every few minutes. You could also take them off your device’s home screen to make them a little less accessible. Work on keeping your phone out of sight for as long as possible, especially when you’re with another person.

   • Pay attention to how long you can go without checking your social media accounts, email, or texts. Note that duration and challenge yourself to go twice as long, then three times as long, and so on during the course of the day.
   • Each time you feel tempted to check social media, try doing something else. Try sketching a doodle or handwriting a little note to a friend.
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   Establish technology-free zones and hours. Designate spaces in your home where mobile devices are not allowed. Your bedroom is a great start, since staring at a screen before bed can keep you from getting a good night’s sleep. Choose several times of the day during which technology is off limits and commit to following your routine.

   • For example, don’t check your phone an hour before going to bed and keep it off limits for an hour after waking. If you depend on it as an alarm to wake up, consider getting a separate alarm clock to avoid tempting yourself to check for emails, texts, wall posts, or “likes.”
   • Try limiting yourself to two or three 10 minute social media checking sessions per day. You can also use checking social media as a reward. For example, you might allow yourself to check social media for 10 minutes after working for a few hours, and not check it at any other time during the day.
   • Make sure to turn off your automatic notifications so that your phone will not be buzzing all day long.
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   Go for instructional, inspirational, or positive content. Social media can present images that make us feel like we could never achieve a certain look. Bombarding yourself with images you find unattainable can make you feel less confident about your body, the clothes you wear, or any of the other ways you choose to represent yourself. Filter out content that makes you self-critical, and go for constructive, positive sources of instruction or education.

   • Instead of content that’s simply image-based, look for instructions, like how to put together a particular look, create a better diet, or follow a great exercise routine.
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   Don't read the comments. Suppose someone posted a long comment responding to your status, and you can tell it's negative from the first sentence. Don't even bother reading it! As soon as you see anything negative on your page, stop reading it, delete it, and move on.

   • Try not to read comments on public pages' posts or get involved in comment wars. It's a waste of time, and you don't need the unnecessary drama!
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   Don't depend on social media for self-esteem boosts. It's tempting, but try not to use social media as a way to boost your self-esteem. Avoid posting pictures just to get compliments and "likes." Try not to let the number of retweets or comments you receive be a measure of your self-worth.
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   Avoid making comparisons. Try not to look at how someone represents themselves on social media and make judgments about yourself based on their posts. Remind yourself that there's plenty of happiness to go around when you see pictures of someone having a great time and start to feel jealous.

   • For example, don’t look at an image on Pinterest or Instagram and say to yourself, “They look so much better than me,” or “I could never pull off that look.” Instead, say something like, “Their style is really inspiring - I really love how those patterns look together," or "That looks like so much fun; I should try it sometime."
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   Remember that social media is a highlight reel. When you see other people’s social media accounts, remind yourself that they're edited versions. They don't give the bigger picture with all its ups and downs, so try not to think of what you see as the full story. This will help you avoid getting jealous, criticizing yourself, or judging others based solely on what you see online.
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   Use social media for networking and to keep up with acquaintances. Avoid using social media as the primary means of maintaining your key relationships. Limit its role in your most important friendships, but take advantage of its practical values. Use social media to keep in touch with long-distance acquaintances or to build your professional network.

   • Studies show social media has become necessary for developing social capital, but overdoing it can interfere with how we relate to others, which in turn affects our self-esteem. Try to see social media as a practical tool rather than primary means of socializing.
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    Tell someone if you are being bullied. Social media bullying is a serious problem. If you are being harassed by someone online, such as by making mean comments to or about you, posting embarrassing photos of you, or doing other things that are making you feel harassed, then tell someone. Talk to a trustworthy adult, such as a parent, teacher, school counselor, or religious leader.
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Building Stronger Relationships

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   Spend quality, media free time with your friends and family. Without enough face-to-face communication, we can lose our ability to read nonverbal body language and subtle vocal cues that help us relate to other people. This inability to interpret nonverbal communication lowers self-esteem and increases anxiety, especially in real-world social situations.

   • Talk to a friend about grabbing a coffee together every few days or once a week. When you’re in a car with someone, put your phones down and use the time to have a conversation.
   • If you’re naturally shy, try to challenge yourself to overcome your shyness. Try to talk to have a quick conversation with someone while you’re waiting in a line. Ask your classmate or work colleague how their day is going, what their hobbies are, or about the weather that week.
   • Make a rule that no one can have their phone out during meal times and during other designated media free times.
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   Have important conversations in person. Since social media reduces our ability to interpret nonverbal cues, it’s important to avoid having important conversations online. If you have to discuss an issue with someone, do it face-to-face. This will help you both avoid misinterpreting a statement as mean, overly critical, or insulting.

   • For example, say you want to ask someone out, break up with them, or confront a friend about an issue. It might seem less intimidating to send a text or message on social media, but doing so will only increase the chances of blowing things out of proportion.
   • Engaging in face-to-face communication helps us learn how to better handle risky social situations, and having a healthy level of self-esteem involves navigating these emotionally risky situations.
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   Cultivate relationships with your immediate family. Face-to-face communication is an important part of healthy self-esteem, and engaging people you live with is the easiest place to start. If you live with your parents, try to forge a strong connection by allowing them to participate in your life. Ask them to give you advice, allow them to set rules for you, and do activities together.

   • If you’re a parent, set a good example for your child by limiting your own social media consumption. Set house rules about limiting technology, and give your child your full attention when you interact. Ask them about their day, try to discuss subjects they find interesting, and tell them that you are always available to discuss problems or anything that stresses them.
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   Talk to your friends on the phone. It might be quicker, easier, and less intimidating to text or send a social media message, but try to set aside time to keep up with your friends on the phone. Communicating with others exclusively online or via text actually makes us lonelier, and thus decreases feelings of self-worth.

   • Similar to talking to someone in person, phone conversations strengthen interpersonal skills, which helps reinforce self-esteem.
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Nurturing Your Self Esteem

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   Spend time getting to know yourself. Work on getting to know yourself by setting some time aside for quiet reflection. Consider your talents, hobbies, interests, and other factors that make you unique. Think about the core values that shape who you are, like honesty, loyalty, or being responsible.
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   Make decisions for yourself instead of to please others. Commit yourself to making decisions that are consistent with who you are instead of just trying to please others. Do things that you love and that you feel help identify who you are instead of doing things so people will think you're cool.

   • Play your favorite sport, sing, dance, volunteer for your favorite cause, or do whatever makes you feel like you are expressing your true self.
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   Try not to create a separate social media personality. As you get to know yourself, do your best to make sure what you post on social media is consistent with your sense of self. We often post images and statuses that we know aren’t truly representative of ourselves, but might make us look cool. However, creating a distance between who we believe ourselves to be and how we represent ourselves is a key aspect of low self-esteem.

   • Avoid creating multiple social media accounts for different groups of friends. This can create an even more fractured sense of self.
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   Write a list of things you appreciate. If you start to feel bad about yourself, take some to think about aspects that you love and appreciate. Grab a pen and a notepad or piece of paper, and make a list of everything you’re grateful for in life.

   • For example, list your traits or talents that you’re thankful to have. Make a list of necessities that you couldn’t live without, like your home, health, and the most important people in your life. Write down your favorite things about the world around you, like your favorite season, favorite animals, places you love to go, or how it feels when the sun shines on your face.
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   Practice positive self-talk and thinking. Don’t undervalue yourself or think negative thoughts about your interactions. Try not to see things in all-or-nothing terms, and try not to blow things out of proportion.

   • For example, if someone doesn’t text or email you back, don’t think to yourself, “What did I do wrong? It’s been an hour since I texted them - they must hate me!” Instead, give yourself and other people the benefit of the doubt, and don’t see something like receiving a text or “like” as a measure of who you are.
   • Along with practicing positive thinking, avoid treating mistakes as personal failures. Try to keep a balanced perspective, and turn negative self-criticism into constructive opportunities for self-improvement.
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