How to Avoid Letting Politics Ruin Relationships

It's an unwritten rule that you don't talk politics over the dinner table or on dates, as the passionate opinions inspired by politics can easily escalate into arguments. But by paying attention to everyone's points, and remembering that your respect, friendship, and love is more important than politics, you can stop politics from ruining friendships. You can talk about politics without ruining a relationship as long as you keep things calm.

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Discussing Politics without Fighting

1
Begin any discussion by looking for the good in the other person's stance. No one politician, party, or person has all of the right answers. Similarly, no candidate is ever completely wrong. Even if there are only a few small things you agree with, start the debate with a tone of agreement, showing the friendliness, trust, and openness that your relationship is built on. You can either find something positive in their points, agree with areas your own views are lacking, or a mix of both.^{[1]XResearch source}
- "While I don't think it's a good law as it is written, I do agree that..."
- "I might not vote for him/her, but I do appreciate their stance on..."
- "I do support _____, but I acknowledge that he/she is not very good at..."
2
Keep your own points rooted in fact, not opinion, to keep the discussion civil. Establish boundaries for safe communication when you discuss politics together. Set a boundary ahead of time so that you can talk about politics and even debate. The more you drift into opinions, generalization, and unprovable assertions you've stopped discussing and started arguing. When you start making points and claims just to "win," and not to actually keep things politically conscious, then you've lost sight your relationship and turned the other person into your enemy. This won't help you keep your relationship intact one bit.
- Note that you should keep your own discussion factually based even if your conversation partner does not. An opinion may be impossible for them to prove, but it may also be impossible for you to disprove. This sort of argumentative brick wall is what ruins relationships.
3
Be a willing and thoughtful listener. If you are willing to give the other person your undivided attention, they will be more willing to give it to you. Simply put, this means respecting the other person, and it is perhaps the most important thing you can do to prevent ruined relationships. Good ways to show you're listening include:
- Avoiding sarcasm, which does nothing more than mock someone's personal beliefs.
- Not cutting off their points, which tells someone you don't care about them, only your point of view. It makes it much harder for them to care about you, however.
- Never speaking for them, which is when you act like you understand them completely without letting them explain for themselves. Chances are high that your view of them is not the view they have of themselves.^{[2]XResearch source}
4
Appreciate your differences as a way to both grow stronger. Think of it this way -- you can only know your position if you know someone else's. Conservatives don't exist without liberals; "right of center" doesn't make sense if there is not a "left of center" as well. Political systems are strong when a variety of viewpoints can openly, constructively express themselves. Relationships are the same way.
- Politics are rarely black and white. The ultimate answers and real-world changes are usually a result of compromise and finding the gray areas in the arguments.
- Remember that having different opinions is okay, you don't have to agree on everything. In fact, your differences are likely why you originally found each other interesting.^{[3]XResearch source}
5
Keep your tone of voice in check, avoiding explosions of emotion or anger. Every few points, take a second to listen to your own tone of voice. People feed off of each other, and rising voices and aggression in one party will make the whole debate more likely to explode. This isn't to say you can't be passionate about your points -- you should be! But you must remember that being passionate doesn't mean you get personal by becoming angry or emotional with the other person.
- If you feel the tension rising, take a deep breath and slow down your voice. Use pauses and a slower, less emotional tone of voice to bring the debate back down to the facts.
- If you get too out of hand, apologize! A simple, "I can get really invested in this, I don't mean to get angry" is a good way to pull the discussion back to politics.^{[4]XResearch source}
6
Understand that there is always a point when it is best to back down. When you or your partner/friend is simply repeating the same points over and over, and it is clear no minds are changing, there is no reason to keep arguing. More often than not, all that happens is both sides continue escalating emotionally, turning the discussion from a debate into a fight. Be the bigger person and recognize that you aren't going to change everyone's mind -- and that is okay. Your relationship is more important.
- "I see your points, but I'm not sure we're going to agree tonight on the outcome at this point."
- "You've given me a lot to think about -- it's really good to consider the opposite side.
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Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Steering Away From Debates

1
Ask yourself what you really hope to accomplish through political arguments. Is your goal to sway the other person to change their vote? Is it to illuminate them about issues they might have missed? Or do you simply think they are wrong, and you are right? If you really want to change someone's mind, then yelling and arguing will simply separate you more. People change their minds when they feel respected and heard -- not when they feel attacked.
- Presumably, you believe a political stance because you think it will make the whole country better-- including for your friend/partner. Never forget that your goals are the same, even if the political methods you support aren't.^{[5]XResearch source}
2
Remember that politicians on TV attack each other for political points, not because they hate each other. Your favorite politician, more often than not, spends a lot of time bashing on their opponents. Attacks on screen are a great way to rile up supporters, but they don't point to the whole truth. Those same politicians must work together, and likely spend more time finding common ground than fighting. Don't forget that Hillary Clinton attended Donald Trump's wedding,^{[6]XResearch source} or that climate change denier Jim Inhofe is best friends with the progressive Bernie Sanders.^{[7]XResearch source}
- If "mortal enemy" politicians can put their work behind them to keep friendships alive, you can too.
- The angry rhetoric on TV is used to get votes, not build relationships or accomplish goals. Remember this before replicating it.
3
Ask questions instead of always proving points. A great way to avoid debates without avoiding politics completely is to become more inquisitive. Instead of always saying your view, your points, and your evidence, just ask questions. This can skillfully turn a budding fight at the dinner table into a more reasonable discussion.
- "What do you think we can do about _____ problem?"
- "I haven't had time to look at all the politicians this election. Why do you support ________?"
- "I've never heard that argument for _____. Could you explain it a little more?"^{[8]XResearch source}
4
Keep your political positions to yourself, such as who you voted for. The voting booths close up for a reason. Your vote is yours and yours alone, and there is no reason why you need to tell anyone if you don't want to argue. The best way to avoid letting politics ruin a relationship? Don't bring up politics.
- There may be certain issues that you feel deeply about and need to share, but that doesn't mean every view you have needs to be validated by others.
- Think about what you actually "gain" by sharing your political views with everyone. Are you looking for an argument, looking to meet other supports to share ideas with, or are you accidentally distancing yourself from friends who might not agree?
The internet is rarely the place for civilized talks or arguments, as it is almost impossible for confusion and anger. Because you can't actually show your face, or use your tone of voice to control your points, it is incredibly easy for someone to read your comments with more anger than you intended. Furthermore, studies show that humans are much more likely to be mean or cruel when they can't see the other person's face, leading to arguments online that ruin friendship in real life.
6
Ask yourself if there are any political ideas or positions that are relationship deal-breakers. If you feel extremely strongly about something, you don't have to hide it. You simply need to judge if that belief is central enough that you couldn't live with or be friends with someone who has it. This bar is usually very high, as it should be -- politics are just a small part of each person's personality. However, if you know you will always fight and argue, and never agree, then you should know this about yourself.
- For example, a gay man might struggle to maintain relationships with people who disagree with gay marriage, and vice versa. While some people might put this disagreement past them, you cannot fault someone for sticking to their convictions, either.^{[9]XResearch source}
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Tips

Always remind yourself that politics are not the end all be all. Most people have very few political beliefs so strong that they refuse to be friends with people who don't share them.
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Warnings

Bringing up politics can be divisive no matter how diplomatic you try and be. Before bringing something political up, ask yourself if now is really the time to risk a talk on politics.
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