How to Avoid Being the Subject of Workplace Gossip

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1Steering Clear of Problems

2Communicating Appropriately

3Thinking Through the Gossip

4Coping Emotionally

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Nobody wants to become the subject of workplace gossip. There are several things you can do to avoid such a fate. Avoid sharing personal information and sharply limit your use of social media. Adopt a friendly personality and professional appearance at work. Avoid conversing with your coworkers about controversial topics like coworkers, workplace regulations or directives, and personal problems. If someone starts gossiping about you, confront them directly and communicate how it makes you feel.

Steps

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Steering Clear of Problems

1. 
   1
   Work hard. If you do a great job and earn respect from your workplace peers, they will be less likely to gossip about you. Always pull your weight at work, and don’t slack off. Go the extra mile on projects and presentations. Pitch in to help your peers when they need assistance. The social capital you accumulate will discourage your coworkers from turning you into the subject of gossip.
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   Pay attention to your appearance. If you come in to work with yogurt or crumbs all over your shirt, you might attract the negative attention of the rumor mill. Likewise, if your pants are constantly wrinkled, your face unshaven, and your hair unkempt and wild, you could become the subject of workplace gossip.

   • Dress appropriately if you are allowed to select your own mode of dress. Inquire with your human resources department about what the appropriate work attire is for your workplace.
3. 
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   Don’t involve yourself romantically with coworkers. Having a fling with a coworker is a bad idea for lots of reasons. Not only could you end up getting fired (if such a relationship violates your workplace’s code of conduct), but you might also end up in an awkward position if the relationship ends and you have to see your ex every day at work. On top of that, of course, you also run the risk of becoming the subject of workplace gossip.

   • Even if you and your coworker make a big effort to keep your work and private lives separate, you might end up giving away too much through small gestures like a wink or too much time spent conversing with your lover instead of working.
4. 
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   Act respectably outside of work. You might think that your behavior outside of work is nobody’s business. Indeed, if you’re not on the clock, you can do whatever you want. But if you live in a small town, things you do or say might get back to your coworkers who know your neighbors, mutual friends, and other community members. Take care to treat everyone with respect and kindness to avoid becoming the subject of workplace gossip.
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Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Communicating Appropriately

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   Stick to the correct topics when talking with coworkers. Instead of talking to your coworkers about your family life, political activities, or personal problems, talk to them about sports or your favorite television shows. Gossiping about these subjects can actually improve workplace camaraderie.

   • Even neutral topics like workplace news should be generally avoided. For instance, if you have a piece of info about someone in your company, or a new product line, that information might be for your eyes and ears only.
   • Never talk negatively about your workplace superiors.
   • Avoid talking to your coworkers about anything controversial.
2. 
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   Maintain a positive attitude at work. If you seem depressed and blue all the time, your coworkers might begin to spin stories about what’s wrong with you. Likewise, if you have a short temper and blow up over the littlest things all the time, you could mark yourself as a target for workplace gossip. Keep on an even keel, even when things don’t go your way.

   • It’s okay to feel angry or sad when something frustrating happens, whether it’s in or out of work. But when you punch the clock, leave your baggage at the door. Focus on your job, and push your personal problems out of your mind.
   • Be friendly, but not invasive, with your coworkers. Ask them how their day is. Remark upon the weather.
   • For instance, you might say “It’s beautiful out today” if the weather is nice, or “It’s nasty out today” if the day is rainy and gray.
   • Smile frequently to show your coworkers you are in a good mood.
3. 
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   Don’t gossip about others. If you gossip about your coworkers all the time, they might get their revenge by gossiping about you. Prevent this vicious cycle of gossip and retaliation by keeping gossip and negative comments to yourself.

   • If you have a real problem or issue with someone in your workplace, confront them directly. Say to them, “Could I speak to you privately for a moment?”
   • When you and the person you’re interested in speaking with are alone, address your concerns to them.
   • When you’re done talking, say, “Let’s just keep this between us” so that neither of you will discuss the issue with others, thus preventing potential gossip.
4. 
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   Avoid sharing personal information. It’s okay to share some basic details about yourself. For instance, you might share the fact that you are or are not married, or whether or not you have kids. But if you share sensitive personal information with your coworkers, they might use it against you later. The best way to insulate yourself from becoming the subject of workplace gossip is to ensure that nobody at your workplace has any information they could leverage to churn out hurtful gossip against you. For instance, never share information pertaining to your:

   • sexual activity
   • immigration status
   • illegal behavior
   • illnesses or medical conditions
   • conflicts with your kids or partner
5. 
   5
   Don’t use social media. Many rumor mills churn out gossip based on a compromising image you posted online. Posts about your job or personal life are also fodder for workplace gossips. To limit your likelihood of becoming the subject of workplace gossip, stay off social media.

   • Alternately, you could use social media with great caution. Only add friends who don’t work with you, and maintain the highest level of privacy on everything you post, and don’t share content frequently. Before posting, think about what your boss or coworkers might say if they saw the content.
   • Remember not to post anything to a friend’s page, since your friend’s page might have a lower level of privacy and could be accessible to coworkers.
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Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Thinking Through the Gossip

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   1
   Evaluate the gossip objectively. Sometimes workplace gossip is true, or contains some kernel of truth. Nobody likes being criticized, but you should be honest with yourself when thinking through critical gossip from others.

   • If you decide that the gossip has some merit, work to correct whatever fault inspired it.
   • If your coworkers are gossiping that you are not doing a good job, for instance, take their criticism into serious consideration and evaluate your performance. If you decide that you could be doing a better job, start working harder and help your peers out more often.
2. 
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   Try to understand the gossiper. People who gossip about others often do so not because they detect something unbecoming in others, but because they are uncomfortable with themselves. Gossip becomes a tool through which they attempt to deflect negative attention away from themselves while attracting positive attention. Understanding this will help you see the gossiper for what they truly are: a sad and desperate individual struggling with their own insecurity.

   • Remember, understanding the gossiper’s motivation doesn’t mean you need to excuse it.
3. 
   3
   Think about how to respond. There are several ways to respond when you become the subject of workplace gossip. The best thing to do if you know who is behind the gossip is to confront the person directly. Perhaps they didn’t anticipate how hurtful their gossiping could be, and will work to rectify the situation after you explain how hurt you are.

   • You could say, “I’m very hurt by the gossip you’ve perpetuated about me. Will you please retract what you said so that others recognize that it was merely gossip?”
   • In other cases, where you suspect the gossiper is unrepentant, you should contact your superior or your human resources department in order to lodge a complaint about the situation.
   • Sometimes, it’s best to let the gossiper just wear themselves out. If they see that they aren’t getting a rise out of you, they’re liable to quit gossiping after a bit. And if others merely roll their eyes at the discredited gossip, it’s best to pay them no mind.
   • You could also talk openly about the subject of gossip, thus rendering the issue unworthy for gossip.
   • Never launch a counterattack against the person or people who spread the gossip with gossip of your own.
   • Analyze the situation carefully when charting a course for responding to gossip.
   • Recognize that you cannot change the gossiper. You can only change your response to the gossip.
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Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Coping Emotionally

1. 
   1
   Control your negative emotions. Controlling your negative emotions doesn’t mean you ignore or avoid your feelings of anger or sadness. On the contrary, you should directly acknowledge and confront your feelings. But you must channel your negative emotions into constructive, nonaggressive outlets.

   • If you feel negative emotions while at work, make an effort to smile and be gracious to those around you, especially the person who gossiped about you.
   • Try deep breathing exercises. For instance, close your eyes, breathe in slowly for three seconds, then breathe out through your mouth for five seconds.
   • If you need to take a break, head out for a snack or a brisk walk around your workplace.
   • If you feel angry when you’re at home, you could play loud rock ‘n roll music with your band.
   • You might also go for a run if you feel angry or frustrated with a coworker.
2. 
   2
   Adjust your point of view. If you are angry, hurt, or ashamed by the gossip, you’ll feel powerless. But you can regain your sense of self-confidence by stepping back from the situation and looking at it clinically.

   • For instance, remind yourself that the gossip is just idle talk with little to no basis in fact.
   • Remind yourself that despite the fact that you’re the subject of workplace gossip, you’re a winner and you always do a great job.
3. 
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   Be compassionate with yourself. It’s important to practice self-care after becoming the subject of workplace gossip. This means not blaming yourself for the gossip. Remember that nothing you did or didn’t do qualified you to deserve becoming the subject of workplace gossip.

   • If you are ashamed, forgive yourself. Say, “I am a good person and I don’t deserve to be the subject of workplace gossip.”
   • Take some time to relax and do things you enjoy. For instance, you might take extra time out of your day to read a book or watch your favorite film.
   • Going to the spa or massage therapist is also a great way to relieve the stress that accompanies becoming the subject of workplace gossip.
4. 
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   Focus on the positive. Even while it’s hard to stay upbeat when you’re the subject of workplace gossip, think about the positive things in your personal and professional lives. For instance, you might reflect on how excited you are to go home to your spouse or child, or drive the new car you just bought. When thinking about your professional life, take the long view – think of all the great accolades and accomplishments you’ve received at work, and how many more you’re sure to rack up in the future.
5. 
   5
   Seek support. Share your concerns about being the subject of workplace gossip with friends and family who care about you. Express to them how frustrated you are by the gossip. Listen as the empathize with you and shar their own stories about being the subject of workplace gossip. Use your conversations with loving friends and family to remember that despite being the subject of workplace gossip, you’re not alone.
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Expert Q&A

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• Question

  How do you stop gossip or rumors at work?

  

  Lauren Krasny
  Executive, Strategic, & Personal Coach

  Lauren Krasny is a Leadership and Executive Coach and the Founder of Reignite Coaching, her professional and personal coaching service based in the San Francisco Bay Area. She also currently coaches for the LEAD Program at Stanford University Graduate School of Business and is a former Digital Health Coach for Omada Health and Modern Health. Lauren received her coaching training from the Coach Training Institute (CTI). She holds a BA in Psychology from the University of Michigan.

  

  Lauren Krasny

  Executive, Strategic, & Personal Coach

  Expert Answer

  It's okay to be a little ambiguous when it comes to answering personal questions. Just keep your personal life separate from your professional life and maintain that boundary. At the same time, try to avoid being intentionally distant or unfriendly. It's a delicate balance, but if you're polite, professional, and keep details to yourself, you should have an easier time dodging gossip and rumors.

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