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This article was co-authored by Alicia Oglesby. Alicia Oglesby is a Professional School Counselor and the Director of School and College Counseling at Bishop McNamara High School outside of Washington DC. With over ten years of experience in counseling, Alicia specializes in academic advising, social-emotional skills, and career counseling. Alicia holds a BS in Psychology from Howard University and a Master’s in Clinical Counseling and Applied Psychology from Chestnut Hill College. She also studied Race and Mental Health at Virginia Tech. Alicia holds Professional School Counseling Certifications in both Washington DC and Pennsylvania. She has created a college counseling program in its entirety and developed five programs focused on application workshops, parent information workshops, essay writing collaborative, peer-reviewed application activities, and financial aid literacy events.
There are 8 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 89,828 times.
Are you worried that others think you are a loner? Properly socializing is an important skill to develop and a key to making you more approachable. If you are concerned about coming across as a loner, these helpful steps will improve your image and help you appear more sociable.
Steps
Method 1
Method 1 of 3:
Projecting the Right Attitude
Wear clothing that conveys friendliness and approachability. Although your clothing is not a perfect representation of who you are and how you feel, it reinforces your own attitudes about yourself while conveying those sentiment to others. Research has shown that the clothes we wear not only affect other people's impressions of us, but also change our attitudes about ourselves. If you want to be approachable, wear clothes that make you feel good about yourself and people will talk to you. [1]- Avoid clothes that others might be turned off by. For example, overly revealing clothing might make others feel uncomfortable and, therefore, avoid talking to you.
Strike a friendly pose. Body language is an important indicator of how you feel about yourself. If you want to convey approachability put your shoulders back, straighten your spine, and hold your head high. Much like your clothing, taking a confident posture also has the added bonus of convincing brain that you are not a loner. [2]- Avoid slouching or an posture that makes you appear to be hiding. People are less likely to approach you if it looks like you are avoiding them.
Smile more. Smiling conveys friendliness and a willingness to engage. Keeping a grin on your face and a glint in your eyes conveys friendliness and will help you appear less like a loner. [3]
Make and hold eye contact. This is the primary tool for establishing nonverbal connections with others and conveying your approachability. A furtive glance tells others that you are insecure, untrustworthy and, therefore, someone they should avoid. [4]- If eye contact makes you uncomfortable, try looking at a spot on the spot one the other person's forehead between their eyes. This gives the appearance of eye contact without actually doing it.
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Method 2
Method 2 of 3:
Socializing
Spend some time in close proximity to others. If the thought of striking up casual conversation with someone sounds intimidating, being near people others might challenge the idea that you are a loner. Sit near a group of people at lunch or find a crowd to hang around. You will look more social and you might inadvertently have a conversation.- Go to the library, a public pool, or some other place where people hang out and just chill.
- In a library you might strike up a conversation by inquiring where a specific section is and then asking about a book they would recommend.
- Join extra-curricular activities to preserve your alone time.
Talk to people. Interacting with strangers can be a little scary, but it can be an important part of not appearing to be a loner. Strike up a conversation with someone and see how it goes. Remember, it is practice with little social consequences.[5][6]- Pay attention for topics that you have in common with the person you are talking to. These are great starting points for beginning a conversation.
- For example, if someone is from a similar geographic region as you, or if you are familiar with where they are from, make a point of talking about that. Try to find a point of commonality with others. For example, you could ask, "Have you always lived in this town?" and you might find out that an acquaintance has lived in town the same amount of time as you or that you have relatives in the same neighboring state.
- Talking to someone who has to talk to you can be a good way to practice. Chat up a customer service representative at a store or a waiter at your favorite restaurant.
Hang out with your friends. Your friends are the perfect group to help challenge the idea that you are a loner. Make time to for social activities with your friends and do it in a public place. Go to the mall or the arcade together.- Invite a friend to get coffee or meet up for lunch. Set a date and time and then stick to it.
- Do not simply hang around people. You need to interact with them and chat.
Spend some time with your relatives. Your family members are a natural social network that you can tap. Go to family events and gatherings, or organize them yourself. This is a great way to socialize and challenge the idea that you are ambivalent about interacting with others.- Organize a family picnic or an outing to an amusement park. Create an event for your family to get together.
- Although family is important, it is also key to develop friends besides your relatives. Grandma is great, but she might not be able to understand you the way as someone your own age.
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Method 3
Method 3 of 3:
Staying Active
Join a club or organization. The best way to not be perceived as a loner is to join a social group and engage with a large body of people. Find a school, religious, or community organization that shares your interests and become a member. You will squelch the idea that you are a loner and make new friends in the process.[7]- For example, join the local soccer organization, find a reading group, or become a member of a Sci-Fi fan club.
- Although it is easier to find commonality in this setting, you still need to pay attention other people's interests. Be attentive and engage in the conversation. Ask specific questions that address the other person's interests and explore other areas of shared experience. For example, “Oh you really like the original Star Trek TV series. Have you watched Star Trek: The Next Generation?”
- Be an active member. Your loner status will not disappear if you join a group and then do not engage with anyone. Join the club and then work to be an active member in it.
Attend concerts, sporting events, plays, or other large gatherings of people. Being seen in public will help dispel the idea that you are a solitary person. If you attend these same events enough, you will likely meet other regulars and build new relationships.- The comradery around sporting events can be a great place to socialize. Buy a jersey or cap and attend a game or viewing party.
- Concerts are a great way to be social. Some diehard fans of certain bands travel around the country to attend shows, making news arounds across the nation.
- Gain some specific knowledge about the event and use it as a conversation starter. For example, “I can't believe that U2 still has all of its original members! How does a band like that stay together for nearly 40 years!?”
Volunteer your time with a charity or organization. The underlying assumption that many people have about loners is that they do not care or are ambivalent about other people. The best and easiest way to challenge that notion is to give your time to others.- For example, volunteer to serve food in a soup kitchen, read to the elderly, or work on a political campaign.
- Strike up conversations with other volunteers by asking them about other charity work they are involved in and the issues they care about. There is a good chance you will have some common ground.
Exercise with a group or join a team. Physical activity is a great way to engage with other people. It provides you with the opportunity to meet others who share your interests while helping you feel better about yourself.- Joining a gym will provide you with the opportunity to meet new people, while helping you stay fit.
- A sports club provides you the space to exercise with the bonus of a strong social group. A team sport can be a particularly good place to build strong social ties and dispel the idea that you are a loner.
- For example, strategize with your teammates about a new play or approach to utilize in your next game or match.
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Community Q&A
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- QuestionHow can I blend in when I am in a place that I am known as a loner?
Community AnswerYou can push the boundaries of your comfort zone, and branch out to make new friends. You can find people that share common interests with you, and hang out with them as you get more comfortable in knowing them. - QuestionHow can I be a loner yet interact with others and also be known as an introvert?
Community AnswerJust be yourself. Life is too short to spend it worrying about what other people think. Enjoy your life. - QuestionWhat if I don't have friends in my class? I play with a younger girl, and I'm happy about it, but I want my class to stop thinking I'm a loner.
AskMeAnything AtAllCommunity AnswerHave you tried interacting with members of your class? People can hang out with whoever they want, but if your class thinks you're a loner, it's probably only because you don't hang out with anyone your age. The obvious answer is to try to make friends with a few of them. Even if you just start saying "hi" or involving yourself in a conversation here and there. It'll make you seem more open, approachable, and human.
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Warnings
- Remember to do your own thing. There is not one way to become more approachable. Find a way to socialize that works for you. [8]Thanks
- Keep in mind the difference between being a loner and being lonely. Not having a social support system can be stressful. Seek help if you are feeling depressed and lonely. [9]Thanks
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References
- ↑ http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2644076/You-DRESS-Clothing-significant-effect-self-esteem-confidence-claims-expert.html
- ↑ https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are
- ↑ http://www.webmd.com/beauty/lips-smile/smile-personality
- ↑ http://www.forbes.com/pictures/fgdd45eidg/good-eye-contact/
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/stop-feeling-lonely#practical-tips-to-overcome-loneliness
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/susan-stiffelman/shy-teens_b_2424735.html
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/susan-stiffelman/shy-teens_b_2424735.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200703/field-guide-the-loner-the-real-insiders
- ↑ http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/magazine/8703173.stm
About this article
Alicia Oglesby
Professional School Counselor
This article was co-authored by Alicia Oglesby. Alicia Oglesby is a Professional School Counselor and the Director of School and College Counseling at Bishop McNamara High School outside of Washington DC. With over ten years of experience in counseling, Alicia specializes in academic advising, social-emotional skills, and career counseling. Alicia holds a BS in Psychology from Howard University and a Master’s in Clinical Counseling and Applied Psychology from Chestnut Hill College. She also studied Race and Mental Health at Virginia Tech. Alicia holds Professional School Counseling Certifications in both Washington DC and Pennsylvania. She has created a college counseling program in its entirety and developed five programs focused on application workshops, parent information workshops, essay writing collaborative, peer-reviewed application activities, and financial aid literacy events. This article has been viewed 89,828 times.
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Co-authors: 27
Updated: May 4, 2023
Views: 89,828
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