How to Attract Friends

Attracting new friends can be scary. It’s easy to get in your head and feel like people are judging every little thing you do, but the good news is that these feelings go away over time as you keep putting yourself out there. The more practice you get at interacting with new people and trying new things, the easier it’ll be to navigate conversations naturally and find people to hang out with. So long as you’re true to yourself, honest, and friendly, you’ll find yourself attracting new friends in no time.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Meeting New People

1
Pick up a new hobby that involves interacting with other people. It’s a lot easier to connect with people if you have a common interest to talk about. If you don’t have any social hobbies, pick one that appeals to you and find ways to start attending events or gatherings to meet strangers with similar interests.^{[1]XExpert SourceAlicia Oglesby
Professional School CounselorExpert Interview. 29 October 2020.} There are hundreds of subcultures and communities you can work your way into just by participating in events with new people.^{[2]XResearch source}
- Sports are a great option if you’re interested in them. Pick-up basketball games, intramural sports leagues, co-ed softball, and billiard leagues are all phenomenal ways to meet people interested in sports.
- Board games or video games often have large events or tournaments at game stores and PC cafes. Games like Settlers of Catan, Chess, and Magic: the Gathering attract huge crowds of players. You can find school clubs and organized tournaments for video games like Smash Bros, League of Legends, and Madden.
- Book readings and open mics are great if you’re looking to make some literary or creative friends. There are often tons of free readings and speaking events at local libraries and universities.
- Gallery openings are great for meeting new people if you’re interested in the visual arts.
2
Join a club or take a class centered on a topic that intrigues you. If you’re in school, find a student organization or club that appeals to you and reach out to see how you can join. If you aren’t in school, sign up for a fun class at your local community college, library, or nonprofit organization.^{[3]XExpert SourceAlicia Oglesby
Professional School CounselorExpert Interview. 29 October 2020.} Pick a subject you don’t know much about to meet other people that are interested in learning something new.^{[4]XResearch source}
- Book clubs are phenomenal if you’re looking to meet people that enjoy talking about complex subjects and reading.
- Political groups and clubs that focus on social change are great if you’re interested in politics.
- Volunteer organizations are an outstanding way to meet people that enjoy helping others.
- Fraternities and sororities are a great option if you’re a college student.
3
Go to free events in your area to meet locals in an organized setting. There are corkboards covered in flyers at most coffee shops, bookstores, and student recreation centers. The next time you see one of these corkboards, read the flyers. They’re often promoting free open mics, meetings, charity events, and concerts. These random events are a great way to meet people!^{[5]XResearch source}
- Only go to events that appeal to you. If you aren’t at all interested at knitting and you show up to a crochet workshop, you probably aren’t going to click with anybody.
4
Introduce yourself to neighbors your age the next time you see them. Friendships often develop between people just because they’re in close proximity. If you have any neighbors that are your age, introduce yourself the next time you run into them. Strike up a series of small, friendly conversations and gradually build on these chats over time. Eventually, you may make a new friend or two.^{[6]XResearch source}
- If you live in a busy residential area, drink your morning coffee, do your homework, or read a book outside on your front porch every once in a while. You never know when someone will approach you!
5
Strike up more conversations with people you already interact with. Many people make a lot of close friends with the people they work with or go to school with. If you have classmates or coworkers that you don’t know very well, start talking to them more often. You’ll already have something to talk about since you have a shared experience.^{[7]XResearch source}
- Mentioning a funny customer interaction, talking about a policy change at work, or discussing a difficult test is a great way to break the ice.
6
Head to your local bar if you’re over 21 to meet some new people. If you’re old enough to drink, swing by your local bar every once in a while and sit at the bar (not a table). Slowly nurse a drink and wait for opportunities to crack a joke or join a conversation with the other regulars. People go to the bar to interact with others in the first place, so this is a great place to meet some new people.^{[8]XResearch source}
- Go to your local neighborhood bar, not a chain or restaurant. You’re more likely to run into a social crowd at the local spot.
- Meetups and online communities are also a great option if you’re older. It isn’t a good idea to meet people online if you’re under 21, but as an adult there are all kinds of social meetups and events that get organized online.
Tip: Try to avoid going to a bar to meet people on a Friday or Saturday night after 8 pm. On weekend nights, you’ll mostly run into groups of friends that aren’t out to mingle with new people.
7
Accept every initiation you receive and go to events alone. If anyone ever invites you to something, say yes even if you don’t want to go or you feel anxious about attending. Go to events you’re invited to alone to force yourself to interact with new people. If you bring a close friend with you, you’ll spend the entire time talking to them instead of mingling with new potential friends.^{[9]XResearch source}
- This is particularly important advice for weddings! Weddings are a great way to meet new people since there are so many people in one place and, “So how do you know the groom or bride?” is the world’s easiest ice breaker.
8
Keep your chin up and stay visible when you’re at public events. Whenever you go somewhere, literally keep your chin up. If you look down or stare at your phone, you’ll send a subconscious signal that you aren’t interested in talking to people. Avoid sitting in corners or at the back of the classroom to show that you’re open and willing to interact with others.^{[10]XResearch source}
- Body language is really important when it comes to attracting people and drawing them in to talk to you. Sitting quietly and not approaching people is a generally bad strategy for making friends, but if you’re going to entice people to come to you, you have to look open to chatting.
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Being a Good Conversationalist

1
Keep the conversation light at first and let it develop naturally. Start with the normal pleasantries and don’t try to drive the conversation into serious territory at first. Begin with a basic “How are you?” and let the person talk about how they’re doing. Avoid broaching any deeper topics until they come up naturally to avoid throwing people off or catching them off-guard.^{[11]XResearch source}
- ”How are you” is likely the best question you can ask a new acquaintance. This question is an open invitation to get people talking about whatever they’d like to.
2
Ask people about themselves to get them talking. If you just start talking about yourself, people will feel like you aren’t actually interested in them. Steer the conversation towards the person you’re talking to in order to send the signal that you want to know more about them. People enjoy talking about themselves and you’re more likely to develop a friendship if you seem actively invested in the person you’re talking to.^{[12]XResearch source}
- Questions like “What do you do for work,” “What do you do for fun around here,” and “Where’d you get that awesome shirt,” are subtle invitations for people to open up.
Tip: This doesn’t mean you can’t share anything about yourself. If they ask you a question or you find a natural opportunity to mention something relevant about yourself, go for it.
3
Laugh at their jokes and crack a few of your own if you can. People enjoy sharing laughter and if you think back to your past friendships, some of your fondest memories likely involve laughing about something. If the person you’re talking to says something funny, laugh at their joke. Even if it isn’t really funny, act like it is and throw out a small, lighthearted chuckle. If you find an opening to make them laugh, go for it. Sharing a laugh is a phenomenal way to attract people to interact with you.^{[13]XResearch source}
- Don’t overdo it. If it really was a dud or you didn’t understand their joke, you may come off as disingenuous if you start laughing like they told the world’s greatest joke.
4
Smile and make eye contact while you’re talking to someone. Body language is incredibly important when it comes to building positive associations. Maintain eye contact while you’re talking to someone and smile whenever it’s appropriate to show them that you’re happy to chat with them. If you look away while they speak, they may think you don’t want to talk to them. If you don’t smile, the other person may feel a little awkward.^{[14]XResearch source}
- Don’t smile so hard that your cheeks start hurting. Just maintain a simple, subtle grin.
- Try to nod your head a little whenever the other person talks for more than 30-45 seconds. This sends the signal that you’re actively listening.
5
Work a few authentic compliments into your conversation. People love compliments, and they’re more likely to enjoy talking to you if they feel appreciated or respected. Work a simple comment about their wardrobe, hair, or some point they’ve made to make them feel good about themselves. Just don’t overdo it and avoid getting too personal too quickly.^{[15]XResearch source}
- ”I really like your shoes,” and, “That’s a great jacket,” are simple, noninvasive comments that are sure to put a smile on someone’s face.
- If they say something you agree with, throw out a positive note about their comment. Say, “Wow, that’s a really good point,” or “I hadn’t thought of it like that, that’s a really smart way to put it” to make them feel like their opinion and voice are valuable to you.
6
Ask for contact information before you end the conversation. If the conversation goes well and it lasts more than 5-10 minutes, ask the other person for their phone number, social media, or email. Try to link your request to something you’ve recently talked about. For example, if the two of you were discussing a local sports team, say something like, “Hey, we should catch a game sometime,” or, “I’m hosting a Super Bowl party this year if you’re interested.” Then, ask for their contact info.^{[16]XResearch source}
- Another way to go about this is to ask for something. For example, if the other person mentioned being into cycling, you may say, “Hey, I’m thinking about getting a bike. You mind if I get your email so I can ask an expert before buying a new bicycle?”
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Exuding Confidence and Being Positive

1
Update your wardrobe and pick up some newer, trendier clothes. Go through your clothing and pull out anything that is worn down, out of style, or doesn’t fit you anymore. Then, do some shopping and buy some new clothes. Don’t get anything you don’t personally like and don’t try to dress like someone you aren’t. Simply update your closet to give yourself more options and variety.^{[17]XResearch source}
- Sunglasses are a great wardrobe piece if you’re trying to meet new people and you have a bit of anxiety. Covering your eyes makes it easier to avoid showing people that you look nervous. They also make you look cool!
- Don’t shy away from colorful wardrobe options. A fun jacket or shirt can be a great talking point.
Tip: Hygiene is an important part of the way people see you as well. Always shower before you go out, get regular haircuts, and throw on some cologne or perfume when you’re getting ready.^{[18]XResearch source}
2
Shake the anxiety by exposing yourself to new things and new people. The more you go out and put yourself out there, the more comfortable you’ll become. Even if an attempt or two doesn’t go as planned, stick with it and keep introducing yourself to new people. Over time, you’ll get valuable experience and each new interaction will become easier than the last.^{[19]XResearch source}
- Interacting with new people can be scary, and there’s nothing wrong with you if this seems hard at first. Just do your best and stick with it.
Nobody wants to be around a downer. People are much more likely to be attracted to you if you appear confident, positive, and well-adjusted. Don’t make jokes about yourself being bad at something or uninformed. It’s tempting to do this when you’re feeling awkward or nervous, but it’s important to avoid doing this if you want to make a good impression on potential friends.^{[20]XResearch source}
4
Do things you enjoy to improve your overall attitude. If you’re happy, you’re more likely to put other people in a good mood when you interact with them. In your quest to attract more friends, don’t forget to take time for yourself. Continue pursing hobbies you enjoy, stay on top of your schoolwork or work responsibilities, and exercise regularly to feel good physically.^{[21]XResearch source}
- If you already have a few close friends, hang out with them! Appreciating and enjoying the people already in your life is important.
5
Be positive and kind to uplift the people around you. Be kind to others, avoid gossiping, and show compassion and empathy. If you’re a positive person, other people will naturally be more drawn to you. It’s easy to focus on the negative things, so take time every day to spread joy and focus on the positive. Even when you’re feeling a little down, remind yourself of things that bring you joy to keep your head up.^{[22]XResearch source}
- An easy way to do this is to practice a random act of kindness every day. Say something nice to a stranger, help a senior citizen cross the street, or offer up your seat on the bus to somebody that looks like they need it.
6
Spend time with your friends and cherish them. When you make a new friend, stay in contact with them. Invite them to hang out with you regularly and check in on them from time to time to make see how they’re doing. Enjoy your time with your friends! The entire point of making friends is to build on the relationship so don’t neglect the friends you already have while you’re out making new friends.^{[23]XResearch source}
- Don't be afraid to let go of friendships that don't feel helpful, nourishing, or healthy anymore.^{[24]XExpert SourceAlicia Oglesby
  Professional School CounselorExpert Interview. 29 October 2020.}
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Question
How do you manage social interactions if you are more of a loner in school?
Alicia Oglesby
Professional School Counselor
Alicia Oglesby is a Professional School Counselor and the Director of School and College Counseling at Bishop McNamara High School outside of Washington DC. With over ten years of experience in counseling, Alicia specializes in academic advising, social-emotional skills, and career counseling. Alicia holds a BS in Psychology from Howard University and a Master’s in Clinical Counseling and Applied Psychology from Chestnut Hill College. She also studied Race and Mental Health at Virginia Tech. Alicia holds Professional School Counseling Certifications in both Washington DC and Pennsylvania. She has created a college counseling program in its entirety and developed five programs focused on application workshops, parent information workshops, essay writing collaborative, peer-reviewed application activities, and financial aid literacy events.
Alicia Oglesby
Professional School Counselor
Expert Answer
Being a loner is okay. There are many reasons why a student may prefer to keep to themselves. If the reasons are related to trauma, you may want to see a counselor, since living in response to harm caused can stifle your ability to connect in healthy ways. If you are a loner because you are an introvert and enjoy solo activities, approach social situations with clear boundaries. For example, if you prefer to spend weekends reading, set aside one or two weeknights for time with friends or people from school. Maybe only join one extra-curricular activity to preserve your alone time. You don’t need to justify your preference to anyone.
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What if I have friends but they get taken by people that don't like me?
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This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
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It can be frustrating when your friends start hanging out with someone you don't like, but you can't control what they do. They're allowed to hang out with whomever they'd like. If your friends are gravitating towards negative people, it may be a sign that they're not positive people to begin with. Try to focus on being a positive person and befriending kind people. It's a lot easier to maintain friendships if you don't look at it like a competition!
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What if I don't know how to smile and I'm not allowed to make friends?
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This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
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Practice smiling in the mirror! You may feel a little awkward doing this, but it's fairly easy once you get the hang of it. If you're not allowed to make friends, try talking to your parents about hanging out withe more people your age. As you get older, your parents will give you more freedom. Just be patient and enjoy hanging out with the other kids at school!
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Tips

Offer to help people when they need it. Nobody likes moving furniture or struggling through a school assignment, and if you can make things easier for people, they’ll be more likely to reach out to you in the future.
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People warm up to new friends over time. This process can take time so don’t get frustrated if you don’t make a ton of friends in the first week or so.
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Warnings

Never show up to something uninvited. If you’re interested in going to a party or social gathering, just ask the organizer if you can attend.
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