How to Ask a Guy Out When You're Scared

When you really like a guy, you might feel nervous around him. You might feel even more nervous about the idea of asking him out. However, you never know what you might be missing out on if you don’t put yourself out there. You can ask a guy out even if you’re scared by working on your fears, inviting him out, gauging his interest in you, and then accepting his response.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Overcoming Your Fear and Asking

1
Asking them via phone or email. If you are too afraid to ask your crush out in person, then you can do so electronically. If you have their number, call or text them and see if they’d like to go out. You can even DM or email them if you have his email address or social media information.
- You can say something like “Hey Trevor, how are you? I was wondering if you would like to go out with me on Saturday night?”
- If you are nervous about his response, go and do something else like watch a show for 30 minutes or so to calm down, and then check your phone.
If you prefer not to ask via text, practice asking him out in the mirror to build your confidence up. When you do so, think about how you look and what your gestures or facial expressions are conveying. If they express nervousness, then keep practicing until they don’t.
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Put together an empowering playlist of your favorite songs. Listen to them that morning while you’re getting dressed, in your car on the way to work or school, and whenever you have some free time during the day before you see him. This will also put you in a good mood, which will make the ask easier and more enjoyable.
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Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Inviting Him Out

When asking a guy out on a date, avoid asking him to do things like go to a wedding with you, doing anything that will involve your family, or sharing a major moment in your life like your birthday. Save those times for guys that you are serious about. Instead, suggest more low stakes ideas like the movies, bowling, coffee, rollerblading, a bar, or a museum.^{[1]XResearch source}
2
Invite him on a group date. If a bunch of your friends are going out on the town, to a movie, or to dinner, ask him to tag-a-long. This can potentially be low pressure as well, as both of you will have others that you can talk to through the course of the night.^{[2]XResearch source}
- If your friends have all been with their partners for a long period of time, don’t ask him to go. Being around serious couples might be a bit intense for a first date.
- You can also ask him out on a group outing with friends, but be sure to pay attention to him and involve him in conversation.
3
Have a spare ticket. If you have tickets to a game or concert, invite him to go with you, especially if you know he likes the team or band. Even if he doesn’t go, you can still invite a friend and have a good time.^{[3]XResearch source}
- You might say something like “Hey Ryan, I have a spare ticket to the Drake concert next weekend. Wanna go with me?”
- This method will work best with those who you know already.
He might say he really wants to see a movie or that he likes baseball; invite him to the movie or the batting cages. However, don’t pretend that you like it if you don’t, but do be a good sport about it.^{[4]XResearch source}
5
Buy him a drink. If you’re age 21 or over and out on the town, and see a guy you like or want to get to know, buy him a drink. You can either send it to him via the bartender and wait for him to come over, or you can approach him and ask what he’d like. Either way, this is a conversation starter.^{[5]XResearch source}
- You might say to the bartender “Hey, what’s that guy in the blue drinking? I want to send him another on my tab.”
- You can approach him by saying “Hi, how are you. I was noticing you across the bar and wondering what you were drinking. Can I buy you another one?”
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Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Gauging and Piquing His Interest

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Initiate conversation. The first step to gauging his interest is to simply talk to him. If you don’t feel comfortable having a full conversation with him, try just saying “hello” or “how are you” the first couple of times you speak. Each time, say more and more until you feel comfortable asking him out.^{[6]XResearch source}
- You also might chat about something you both are doing or witnessing. For example, if you’re in the same class, you might ask him what he thought of the readings or the last test you had.
Even if you are too nervous to out right ask this guy on a date, you can still flirt with him to see if he’s interested in you. When you see him, make eye contact for a few moments and slowly smile. If you have a chance to speak to him, put your hand on his shoulder or arm when he makes a funny joke. Compliment him and tell him how nice he looks.^{[7]XResearch source}
3
Evaluate his body language. When you are flirting with him or simply talking, notice if he leans in to you when you’re speaking or lights up when he sees you. These are signs that he might be into you. He might also smile or wink at you a lot.
- The more signs that you have that he likes you, the more confident you will be to ask him out.
Say “have you heard of the new restaurant downtown that has sushi? I really want to go.” You might find that he will ask you out instead. Even if he doesn’t, if he says he’s interested in going too, you can use that as a natural way to ask him out.^{[8]XResearch source}
5
Look your best. When you know you are going to see this guy, try to look your very best. Be sure that you are showered, your hair is neat, and that you have on an outfit that fits you well. You might also consider wearing some perfume or cologne, as well.
- You can also post attractive pictures on social media if he follows you.
6
Text him more often. If you’re friends already, reach out to him to communicate with him more regularly. Text him occasionally throughout the week to check in, tell him a funny story, or just to see how his day is going. If he responds quickly, in multiple sentences and is flirty, he might like you. If he is short or unresponsive, it is best not to ask this guy out.
- After you have been texting for a while and the conversation is going well, you can ask him if he’d like to go out sometime.
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Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Handling His Response

If he agrees to go on a date with you, either let him choose what you eat or what you do or give some options. This will ensure that you both have a fun time on the date. Or you might let him choose dinner and you choose the movie.^{[9]XResearch source}
Leave your phone in your bag or in your pocket so that you can fully focus on your date. Pay him a compliment or two while you are out. Have some fun and don’t forget to be yourself.
3
Accept a ‘no.’ However, if the guy says no, that is okay, too. Don’t continue to ask him out or badger him with questions about why he won’t go. Instead say “Okay then, that’s cool” and tell him you’ll see him later.^{[10]XResearch source}
- Don’t get upset or worked up in front of him. If you feel that you might cry, go be alone in the restroom or call a friend.
If he tells you that he doesn’t want to go out with you or that he is already dating someone, don’t fret. Take a few days to get over the rejection and then focus your sights on someone new. Or, you never know, someone might be about to ask you out as well.
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Expert Q&A

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How do you ask someone out if you have trust issues?
Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Lisa Shield is a love and relationship expert based in Los Angeles. She has a Master's degree in Spiritual Psychology and is a certified life and relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. Lisa has been featured in The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times, and Cosmopolitan.
Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Expert Answer
If you're struggling with trust issues, abandonment issues, or a fear of rejection, it's really important to have a positive support system you can count on. Also, it helps a lot to find a coach who specializes in helping people navigate healthy relationships and avoid repeating their past mistakes. If you don't make sense of the past, you can't move forward.
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