How to Appear Less Vulnerable

Vulnerability is often viewed as weakness, a form of being easily swayed, overcome by or subject to the emotions, feelings and expectations of others. However, it's also a sign that you're emotionally connected, empathetic and caring. Wanting to appear less vulnerable should be undertaken with care so you don't end up shutting down. In this article, we'll show you several positive ways you can do to appear and feel less vulnerable.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Who is trying to shape you?

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People who tell you what to do must have a legitimate reason for this role. That means, your boss asking you to perform work, your parents asking you to do something when you're under 18, or your local police officer asking you to stop jaywalking. This does not mean your spouse nagging you, your adult parents insisting you become the realization of their failed dreams or your co-worker insisting that you complete their deadlines as well as your own. Too many masters in your life telling what to do can end up causing internal conflict, unhappiness and confusion.
While it's okay to listen to other people's advice, it's not okay to be led by their preferences on who you should be according to their grand plan. Have your own grand plan and balance the advice you receive to help, not hinder you.

Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Shaping yourself

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If you are a caring, sharing and emotionally connected person, don't give that up for the sake of wanting to appear tougher. You are who you are, and this journey is partly about getting others to respect that.
If you have a life plan but you are inconsistent, vague and easily persuaded to follow other directions, this can be harmful to developing your true self. This isn't the same as openness to new experiences and willingness to try new things––such virtues can be practiced without losing a sense of self. The problem arises when you let others decide your destiny, your direction and what sorts of values you should follow. Chopping and changing your mind can lead to being vulnerable to other people's opinions.
Then, be consistent about them and follow through on these values, enhancing your skills, talents and thoughts in line with these values.

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Finding strength in vulnerability

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1
Don't apologize for being emotional, sensitive or tender. If you are someone who cares so much that your heart is on your sleeve, wear it with pride. There aren't enough people willing to stand up for feelings and emotions forming a valid part of the whole. Remind yourself that showing emotions is a sign of strength.
- Brené Brown, author of Daring Greatly, says that vulnerability is "the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change." She also says it represents truth and courage. These are brilliant virtues, not weaknesses to be hidden away!
2
Practice self validation. This isn't about patting yourself on the back just for being awesome all the time. It's about recognizing when you've done a good job, helped someone, made a positive difference and tried hard. This ability to self coach and self validate will help you to overcome the need for validation from others, which can become an obsessive pursuit that leaves you vulnerable to others' judgments, which are frequently misplaced or self-interested.
- Be ready to acknowledge to yourself when you've done a good job, when you need to improve and when things that didn't go so well aren't the end of the world but a pathway to making things right again. This makes for a nice balance that is not narcissistic, unrealistic or pessimistic.
A content person is someone who has put right whatever is wrong in life. Contentedness comes from more than simply pursuing what other people say produces happiness––it comes from working out for yourself what brings you contentment and fulfillment. Some of this will take trial and error, and it will change over time. But that's okay, a person who is flexible won't break when bent by life's inevitable hardships.

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Appearing strong

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This means knowing your strengths and building on them, realizing that talent is only part of the equation and that honing it through learning, practice and more practice, is the best way to improve throughout life. It also includes knowing that you can do things competently.
Both forms of respect lead to respect being returned to you. Respect is a form of scuttling any appearance of vulnerability because people know you're strong.

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How can I stop being overly trusting?
Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT
Licensed Therapist
Samantha Fox is a Marriage & Family Therapist in private practice in New York, New York. With over a decade of experience, Samantha specializes in relationship, sexuality, identity, and family conflicts. She also advises on life transitions for individuals, couples, and families. She holds both a Master’s degree and a Marriage and Family Therapy License. Samantha is trained in Internal Family Systems (IFS), Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP), Emotion Focused Couples Therapy (EFT), and Narrative Therapy.
Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT
Licensed Therapist
Expert Answer
To stop being overly trusting of others, it's important to reflect on why you feel the need to trust someone quickly. If you find yourself trusting people before they have earned your trust, take a step back and be curious about your motivations. Consider whether there are underlying reasons driving this behavior, such as a desire for connection or a fear of rejection. If you've known someone for a long time and they've proven trustworthy, but they suddenly betray your trust, it's essential to assess the situation. Talk it out with them, see if they understand the impact of their actions, and genuinely apologize. Remember that people make mistakes, but it's crucial to evaluate whether the relationship is still viable after such an incident. Use the information about the person and the dynamic to inform your decision on whether to give them another chance or if it's time to reevaluate the relationship's sustainability. Trust should be earned over time, and it's okay to take a cautious approach when forming new connections.
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How do I move on if I develop feelings from a one-night stand?
Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT
Licensed Therapist
Samantha Fox is a Marriage & Family Therapist in private practice in New York, New York. With over a decade of experience, Samantha specializes in relationship, sexuality, identity, and family conflicts. She also advises on life transitions for individuals, couples, and families. She holds both a Master’s degree and a Marriage and Family Therapy License. Samantha is trained in Internal Family Systems (IFS), Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP), Emotion Focused Couples Therapy (EFT), and Narrative Therapy.
Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT
Licensed Therapist
Expert Answer
It's crucial to first understand the emotions involved. Acknowledge the complexity and potential pain of this situation while maintaining compassion for yourself. When consenting to sexual activity, it's important to be aware of the narratives and expectations we create. Lack of communication about intentions can lead to feelings of being used or deceived. While it's natural for feelings to develop in vulnerable moments, recognizing the other person's lack of interest beyond the physical encounter can provide clarity. Understand that their inability to connect on a deeper level is a reflection of their own limitations, not yours. Instead of blaming yourself, explore the underlying reasons for attaching to this person. Engage in self-reflection and cultivate compassion for the parts of yourself that are struggling. By acknowledging and understanding these triggers, you can begin to let go and move forward with empathy and self-love.
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Tips

Be respectful of everyone, even when they fail to be this way toward you.
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Think carefully before reacting to any situation.
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