How to Adjust to Having a Second Child

Having a second baby can sometimes be more overwhelming than having the first. You now have to juggle the needs of two children, manage all your other responsibilities, and somehow find time to take care of yourself! Though it’s challenging, you can adapt to this change by caring for the new baby, helping your first child adjust and managing your life outside of the kids. And don’t worry - you’re being a great parent already by seeking out advice.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Caring for the New Baby

1
See if a relative can stay with you for a few weeks. Getting used to your life as a parent of two can be tough, but having someone to help you can make the process easier. See if a parent or sibling can come stay for a few weeks to help you take care of the kids.^{[1]XResearch source}
- They can help you cook, clean up around the house, and tend to your eldest child.
2
Share responsibilities with your partner. Once you have this baby, you’ll have a lot less free time than you normally would. Work out a schedule with your partner so the two of you share the load equally. For instance, they might cook dinner while you see to the bath time routines.^{[2]XResearch source}
- If you don’t live with your child’s other parent, work out a schedule with them. Perhaps they will want to keep the child over the weekend, which will give you time to catch up on housework or hang out with friends.
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3
Use items you have instead of buying all new ones. One perk about having two kids is that you can reuse some of your first child’s things with the new baby. This will really cut costs for you because, as you already know, children are expensive. If you have old bibs, onesies, or even diapers you never used, pull those out of storage. Your baby will be taken care of and you’ll be saving money!^{[3]XResearch source}
- Consider buying second-hand clothing and other items from thrift stores and yard sales. There’s no reason to shell out a lot of money on new items that your baby will outgrow in a few months or even weeks.
4
Get your baby on a nap and bedtime schedule. Though babies tend to operate on their own schedule, do what you can to regulate their sleep. Try to put them down for a nap at the same time each day. Make sure it’s not too late so it doesn’t throw off their bedtime. Establish a bedtime routine by bathing, feeding, and changing them at the same time before bed.^{[4]XResearch source}
- Take turns with your partner if they wake up in the middle of the night.
Babies need a ton of items, but with two kids, you’ll need double. In addition to the diaper bag you have packed, keep some additional necessities in your car. It never hurts to have an extra change of clothes or a few diapers on hand. You never know when you’ll need them.^{[5]XResearch source}
6
Put the child in daycare if you’ll be returning to work. If your eldest is still in daycare, you won’t have to do any searching for childcare centers. But if they are already in school, look for places close to home or work and talk to friends who have their kids in daycare. Set up a time to go meet with a few and select the best one based on your needs and budget.^{[6]XResearch source}
- If possible, you might also hire a nanny or have your parents or other relatives keep the baby during the day.
- If you have friends with children, talk to them about taking turns watching each other’s kids.
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Managing and Enjoying Your Life

Even though you might want to be Super Mom or Dad, give yourself a break right now! Eating boxed dinners or takeout for a while isn’t all that terrible, so make some easy meals while adjusting to your new life. Pick up some fruit from the store so you can have healthy snacks, too.^{[7]XResearch source}
If your partner comes home from work early or your mom comes over, take this time to go do something just for you. You might do something like go shopping alone or even shut yourself up in your bedroom to watch your favorite show. Try to get at least 30 minutes alone per day.^{[8]XResearch source}
In addition to alone time, be sure to take care of yourself. You are probably exhausted from having 2 kids, but you can’t take care of them unless you take care of you. Meditate, take a hot bath, read, or go for a run. Though you may not be able to sleep a full 8 hours, try to get as much sleep as you can. And remember, this is a tough process, but you’re tougher! Continue being a great parent.^{[9]XResearch source}
4
Plan a date night each week. Though you might be so focused on your babies that you can hardly think of anything else, make some time for you and your partner. Remember all the fun you had before you had kids and try to recreate that at least once a week.^{[10]XResearch source}
- You might do something simple like watch a movie when the kids go to bed or hire a babysitter so you two can go out on the town.
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Helping Your First Child Adjust

1
Talk to your first child about the baby’s needs. If you haven’t had the baby yet or if your first child seems to be jealous of their new sibling, have a talk with them. They have never had to share a parent before, so this is a new experience for them. Talk to them about what the baby needs from you and how babies act, and remind them that you love them and that they’re your baby, too.^{[11]XResearch source}
- Be sure to tailor this talk depending on their age.
- If you are talking to a 3 or 4-year-old, you might say “You used to be a tiny baby just like this and when you cried, I had to hold you and feed you like I do with your sister. I know that I hold her a lot, but she is little right now and I have to. I’ll still hold you, too because I love you and you’ll always be my baby.”
2
Allow your older child to help out. Allowing your older child to help with the baby’s care will help them feel included and create a stronger bond with their new sibling. Depending on how old the child is, you might have them help with things like:
- Bathing and feeding the baby.
- Decorating the nursery.
- Picking out toys and clothes for the baby.
3
Talk about the baby as a real person. Even before the new baby arrives, help your firstborn think of the baby as a person and a member of the family. Refer to the baby by name (once you’ve picked one), and talk about all the fun that the siblings can have together once the baby arrives.^{[12]XResearch source}
Even when you are tending to your newborn, find ways that you can multitask and tend to your other child, as well. For instance, your toddler might be jealous when you breastfeed; let them pick a book for you to read to them during the process. This will ensure that you are still connecting with both children.^{[13]XResearch source}
5
Help your older child bond with their new sibling. Let them pick out a toy for their sibling or even pick some items for the baby’s room. If you are deciding between 2 outfits for the baby, let them choose between the 2. Remind them that they’re the big brother/sister and that the baby is their family.^{[14]XResearch source}
- You can also let them care for the baby sometimes, no matter their age. For instance, a 3-year-old is able to hold a bottle for the baby if you supervise them.
- Compliment your older child when they help with the baby. Say “Thanks for bringing me the diaper, Josiah! You’re a good big brother.”
6
Get them on a set schedule. Just as your newborn needs a schedule, so too does your eldest. Have a set bedtime routine for them as well and incorporate a nap during the day if they are younger than 6.
- If possible, try to get them to nap at the same time. You can use this time to nap, too or you can get some housework done.
Though bonding with your new child is vital, continuing to make time for your older child is important, too. They might be feeling a little left out, so continue to show them how much you love them. Plan weekly ice cream dates or movie nights for the two of you.^{[15]XResearch source}
8
Avoid introducing other big changes. Since your older child is already coping with sharing their parents and having a new sibling, now is not best time to do things like potty train, move, or put them in a new daycare. Try to keep as much normalcy for them as you can, and make other big changes gradually.^{[16]XResearch source}
- If big changes are unavoidable, talk to your kids about this process and make it exciting for them. They might act out more than normal, but try to understand that this is a lot of change for someone so small.
- You can say, “Honey, you know how we live in this house now? Well, we’re going to get a new one! And you’re going to have the coolest room ever. Do you want to see it?”
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