How to Act Like River Tam

River Tam is a child prodigy and the leading psychic psychopath of the television series "Firefly". She is the sister of Doctor Simon Tam, who rescued her - a sixteen-year-old girl - from a scientific lab disguised as a school. She is trained to be the perfect assassin, having undergone two years of torture and experimentation. If you want to learn how to act like this unusual woman, you need to learn to copy her mannerisms, her style of speaking, and her look.

Part 1

Part 1 of 5:

Adopting Her Mannerisms

This is best done after a break. Whether you have one day off or multiple, it's best to come back after an absence from work or school. You could a draw a scar on yourself, act really scared that day, keep yourself hidden from most people, or all of the above! Like something new and terrifying is happening to you. Try to act disturbed.
River very rarely speaks simply or concisely, usually preferring to speak in a lyrical, almost nursery-rhyme-esque manner. Try not to talk that often and, when you do, don't say things plainly. There are a few exceptions to this (i.e. when River tells Kaylee about her apple, "It's mine now!"), so you can joke around a little bit. Instead of talking to get people's attention, take things or commit some sort of act. Actions speak louder than words. Don't speak excessively, or more than you need to.
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Master her different gazes. River has multiple different gazes that she uses in different situations. You have to master them all as, when you don't talk, you'll find they come in handy quite often.
- Puppy Dog Eyes: When you want something, don't beg for it. Ask once, then pout sadly and enlarge your eyes. Glance down and don't look the person you're speaking to in the eye.
- Refusal: This is a look mainly used when you don't want to do something. It's a lot like the puppy dog eyes, but a bit more squinted in disgust and sadness. Scrunch up the rest of your face as well.
- Happiness: This is a real happy look. If you want to fake being happy, don't do anything with your eyes. Just smile. For this, make sure you let the light reach your eyes when you grin, and don't be afraid to show it off. Use this sparingly, though. Only when you are really, truly joyful. For instance, don't use it when watching a cute video about cats. Use it when two people you love get married.
- Death Glare: Use your death glare when someone seriously hurts you or someone you love. Again, use this sparingly. This can be sarcastic, chilling, or terrifying, depending on your personality. Stay calm and speak only with your eyes.
- Sadness: This is an easy look to do. Just furrow your brows, squint a little bit, and look down at the ground. If you know how to cry on command, great. Use that in extreme situations.
- Loneliness: This is possibly the hardest to do. You need a bit of hopefulness here, with a hint of a smile, but also sadness. Emptiness, terror, and just sheer hopelessness. You really need to embody that outwardly optimistic but inwardly terrified attitude.
- Secretive: This is another easy one. Just accompany some happy, sarcastic eyes with a small smirk. If you're sharing this secret with someone, exchange a glance with them.
Being held in a secret government facility makes even the strongest person paranoid. Always be looking over your shoulder, expecting to see something that's not there. Look for men in blue gloves, security cameras, big white vans, etc. Don't talk to anyone you don't trust and, if you don't know someone on an extremely personal level, keep your guard up around them. Keep your guard up around anyone, but stay remote from anyone you've known for less than a year, or anyone you don't talk to on a daily basis.
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Make small, fleeting movements. Some crazy people make slow, subtle movements. River is fast, fleeting, and graceful. Make sure these moves are understated, as you don't want to go over-the-top.
- Find an area of your body you've never had to itch. Scratch it an look off and upwards in a random direction, scratching it more intensely, like a flea is biting it. Then, stop suddenly and remain motionless.
- Look at random things like you're scared of them, terrified, even. Like they insulted you, said horrible things, or threatened you.
- Rub an invisible spot on your pants. Repeat it 100 times. Claim not to know what anyone is talking about when they ask about it.
- Twiddle your thumbs, twirl your pen, or tap your fingers in a certain beat. If someone tells you to stop, stop for five to ten minutes before starting up again.
- Twitch your eyelids or snap your neck back and forth. Do this sparingly.
River isn't always insane. Sometimes she can very nice and normal. This is shown in multiple episodes where she's shown eating dinner with everyone else, as well as in a few scenes of Serenity. She and Kaylee are shown to gossip with one another and chase each other around the ship on occasion. She also lets Inara braid her hair and dress her up when she's bored. So, while you should stay silent, don't always be crazy. Let yourself be lucid and yourself for an hour or so. Do whatever it is you want to do for a while.
Move, fight, and stand in a balletic style. Walk toe before heel, going from side to side, and make it seem as though you are floating with every step. When you fight, think less like a brute and more like a dancer; swift and fluid, not heavy and strong. Think about walking through clouds with your hands flexed by your sides, flying over cities. Embody this wherever you go.
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Part 2

Part 2 of 5:

Interacting with Others

When she's lucid, River is shown to be very sweet and accepting. She helps the mute little girl and the doctors in 'Safe' (although that didn't go well for her), she assists Mal with piloting Serenity when Wash has passed away, and even Mal states that, "I find River pleasant enough myself."
Be unpredictable. Play with things that you usually wouldn't, have random emotional reactions irrelevant to the situation, make angry gestures to people on the street, or hum abnormal songs to yourself. Try to make an effort to act sane, but just give up. You can't be bothered.
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Make occasional inappropriate comments. Curse at random moments. Make rude gestures to people you know won't react strongly. Threaten people during unplanned times, or just act a bit inappropriate. Not sexually, as River would never do that, but just in your usual 16-year-old girl way.
- An example of this could be in 'Safe' when River throws a box of medical supplies at Mal and proceeds to curse at him, laying down on the couch.
Scream, curse, cry, whatever's necessary. Rant about things that no one understands, experiences that never happened, events that never occurred. Rarely have really intense fits, falling to the ground and covering your head with your hands. Talk about nightmares and wanting them to go away.
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Choose who you want to get along with. Spend more time with the people you like, and less with those you don't. Compliment the people you like, and threaten those you don't. Smile at the people you like, glare at those you don't. Finally, simply ignore the people you don't like. But don't threaten them directly. Threaten them with a riddle.
- A good example of this is in the episode 'Trash,' when Jayne is stuck on the operating table and River tells him, "I can kill you with my brain."
This can be as many people as you want it to be, but just make sure they'll stick with you. They should be diverse, with all types from everywhere, and their relationships with each other should vary. Even if you favor one over another, make sure that you care for all of them equally.
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Part 3

Part 3 of 5:

Showing Your Gifts and Volatility

This is a more daring step, but it's necessary if you want to act like River. Intimidate people gently instead of directly. Let's say you're cutting up a sandwich, or just using a sharp object in general. Stop abruptly, look at the object and ask your friends something like, "Do you care about me?" or "Don't leave me alone again."
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Act psychic. Read people's faces for their emotions, mirror people, and learn to detect lies. You have to answer questions in riddles so that it seems like you're giving more answers than you really are.
- One good thing to do is observe people's eyes. For instance, try playing a certain kind of music on the radio, then play something completely different. Play rock music the whole way home, then switch to pop. If the person in the car glances up at the radio, curious or confused, say something like, "Yes, it is." Guess what they're thinking.
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Show your visions through puzzles. When 'reading' people, never answer what you think they're wondering directly. First of all, this isn't something River would do. Second of all, if you're wrong, you'll just look stupid.
- Say you think someone's wondering what 40 + 2 is. Don't tell them "42," tell them, "Four tens by a double." If a friend wants to know where someone is, don't say, "She's upstairs," say, "Up, up, up. She doesn't stop. She never stops."
Keep an eye out for people looking shifty, people carrying suspicious objects, or people speaking differently. Your paranoia would just worsen this, so don't worry if it all turns out to be all right. If nothing goes wrong, just shrug it off. This is a time where you don't have to worry about going overboard. And, if someone does prove to be dangerous, call the cops immediately and protect your friends and yourself at all costs.
River's psychic abilities come from being able to feel what others do, as shown in 'Objects in Space' when she sees Zoe and Wash making out. She feels like she is a part of it. Let your heart guide you, not your head. If you feel like someone's acting differently, investigate. If you feel sad, show it. Be a bit like Melanie Martinez's "Cry Baby" in the sense that you "Seem to replace your brain with your heart."
You don't have to be a ninja, but knowing how to throw a punch will probably come in useful. Learn basic stances, how to keep your balance, and distribute power and speed all throughout your body. Some moves you should learn are punches, "karate chops", blocks, upper kicks, slide-kicks, and all kata ("practice form"). You can go further if you want to, but these are just the fundamentals.
River loves creativity in all forms; she is an amazing artist, dancer, actor, and even more. Although she is gifted in all these fields, she is especially prevalent in dance. You don't have to enjoy dance like River does; you can try singing, acting, painting, stenciling, writing, anything that suits your creative needs. Just try to pick something you would be willing to put all of your energy into, something that you are incredibly passionate about. Make sure you have fun while doing it, above all.
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Part 4

Part 4 of 5:

Picking Your Words Carefully

Always think logically, even if you're being led by emotion. In 'Jaynestown,' River is shown trying to "fix" Shepherd Book's bible because many of the stories aren't logical. If you're reading a book like The Odyssey, then point out that many of the stories don't make any sense. This goes for movies, TV shows, and just anything in general. If someone tells you to do something, asking if you understand, explain it perfectly.
Don't be afraid to use big words, correct people's spelling, and do different things such as math problems for fun. Try to excel in all subjects, but pick one to be your favorite. Never brag about your intelligence, though. Be nice about correcting people, and don't act better than other people if you're put in higher classes than them. If you get a bad grade on a test, study hard and ace the next one.
This should be something you repeat to yourself over and over again, whether as a warning to others or a way to calm yourself. For River, it's in the infamous "Two by two; hands of blue." Yours could be anything from a specific phrase to just repeating a basic word over and over again. So, basically you could say, "Okay, okay, okay, okay..." or you could try something specific to you as a person.
It's well-known that, in the Firefly universe, Standard Mandarin Chinese and English are the dominant languages. It pays to know a little of both. All of the main characters, including River, speak Chinese at least some of the time. It is mainly used for curses and epithets, but some phrases such as 'mei-mei' are commonly used. There are also a few curse words such as 'gorram' and 'rutting' that exist, as well as some frontier-talk and slang that has survived. It would definitely be worth it to make notes of the curses used in the show, as well as looking up some new language-- it doesn't have to be Chinese --to learn parts of.
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Part 5

Part 5 of 5:

Getting River's Style

River has her own fashion (mosaic patterns, sheer outfits, and flowing dresses). This reflects her as a person, because she is general free-spirited and a bit old-fashioned. So, look up picture inspirations online. A good term to keep in mind is "bohemian" in your searches.
Despite the fact that you should always express yourself through clothing, there are a few things when dressing like River that you should try to avoid: anything too futuristic, and anything too restricting. Remember, River was held in an Alliance facility for two years, forced to wear outfits that restricted her movements and were plain in color and style. This is one of the main reasons she dresses like she does; it's possibly one of the most freeing styles out of anyone on Serenity. So try to stay away from metallic patterns or anything with solid colors, and don't wear things like jeans that have rings around the legs, too many bracelets, too many necklaces, etc. Keep it loose and liberating.
Being a psychotic fugitive living in sci-fi outer space doesn't leave a lot of time for makeup-- unless you're Inara Serra, that is. If you do wear makeup, keep it natural. Just a bit of concealer. If anything, you could darken the circles under your eyes to make yourself look more tired or draw on bits of scar here and there with lipstick. Don't make these too drastic, though, or they'll look fake.
River's hair is often oily and damp, usually wearing it down. Try to keep it natural for the most part, but teasing it a bit to make you look tired is useful. River is never once shown with her hair up. If you have short hair, great, but if you have long hair-- barely ever wear it up.
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Tips

If you want to act like you're still at the Academy by night, but working by day, coming to school or work acting with fake scars will come in handy.
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You can also pretend to be talking to people on the phone who are concerned about you. These could be your brother, or someone close to you. They would be your crew.
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Occasionally, look to the side and say things like, "They weren't talking to you." It will seem like you're talking to someone who isn't there.
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Warnings

If people in your life really start to get worried about you, explain yourself. Don't persist so that they actually think you need medical help. Take it slow.
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Although you may be acting, people could think this is your true personality. Be careful about who you act in front of.
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Remember that there are some people who really have illnesses like schizophrenia and paranoia. Don't act like you're making fun of these people, or anyone you know could take great offense to it.
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