Download ArticleDownload ArticleThis article was co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Wisconsin specializing in Addictions and Mental Health. She provides therapy to people who struggle with addictions, mental health, and trauma in community health settings and private practice. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
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Change is hard for many people to accept. However, it's worth keeping in mind that part of growing as a person requires you to accept that life is constantly changing. We might lose our jobs, lose loved ones, have to relocate unexpectedly, or have other life changing things happen to us, but these changes are just part of life. We might not like how society is changing or how our community is changing, but we need to be able to cope with these changes in a positive way. Luckily, there are many ways to view change, to adjust, and to ultimately accept it.
Steps
Embrace your feelings about change. Whatever type of change is unsettling you, embrace that feeling. There’s no way you’ll get past it, if you ignore it and don’t work through it. If you embrace your feelings, it will be a lot easier to grow and move on.[1]- Express your feelings to others, but do so in a polite way.
- If a loved one has passed away, let yourself grieve.
- If you’ve lost your job, let yourself feel mad and/or disappointed.
- If your community is changing for the bad, articulate that to friends.
Understand that change is an inevitable part of life. Before the time comes for you to accept change, learn that it is necessary for old things to go and new things to come. The entire history of the world and the history of humanity can be defined by continual change, evolution and development. Change is part of life and existence, and change often brings new opportunities--sometimes good ones! [2]Advertisement
Try to put change in perspective. It is easy to get overwhelmed by change and let it take control of your emotions, but you can get into a more positive mindset if you take some time to put things into perspective for yourself. For example, you can use these techniques:- Reframe the situation. Ask yourself some questions about the change. For example, you can ask yourself “Why am I upset or worried about this change?” Then, “What is it that I believe will happen as a result of this change?” And then, “Are these thoughts and beliefs accurate and realistic?” Going through these questions can help you to determine if the change is really worth worrying about.[3]
- List the things that you are grateful for in life. Among its many other benefits, practicing gratitude can help you to feel happier, sleep better, and possibly even overcome trauma. Practicing active gratitude is a great technique to use if you are dealing with a major life change.[4]
- Every day, try to write down 10 things for which you are grateful. Add to the list every day. You can start by listing basic things like a place to sleep, food to eat, a warm shower, friends, family, etc. Then, as your list continues, try to notice smaller things, such as a beautiful sunset, a good cup of coffee, or chatting on the phone with a friend.
Look on the bright side. Even though change can have a negative effect on your life, in most circumstances, there is always something positive to look at. Use this as an opportunity to turn a loss or negative change into an opportunity or a way to rediscover your zest for life.- If you have a death in the family, think about all of the family members you have left. Let the experience be one that binds you together tighter as a family unit.
- If you have lost your job, look at it as an opportunity to find a new job, a new career, or a new way of supporting yourself that brings you more fulfillment.
- If you are separating from your significant other, consider that there are reasons for that, and that both of you might be happier in the long run, and might be able to find more fulfilling relationships.[5]
Try to understand why the change unsettles you so much. It’s hard to come to grips with change and accept it, if you’re unclear about why it makes you so uncomfortable or unsettled. Thinking about it and looking inward, might just help you better understand yourself. This, as a result, might help alleviate some of your anxiety about change. Consider the following:[6]- Does the death of a loved one make you face your own mortality?
- Does social change give you a feeling of uncertainty and make you feel like everything you know about the world is falling apart?
- Does breaking up with a significant other make you feel as if you're too emotionally fragile and lacking a support system?
Embrace your dynamic nature and ability to adapt. Try to view change as a challenge and a chance to grow. Remind yourself that you are a strong and dynamic person and that you will be stronger as a result of this change. Also, keep in mind that change can be a powerful motivator to help you achieve your goals.[7]- Try to use change as a motivation, if possible. For example, if you lose your job, then you might use this change as motivation to go back to school or to pursue a career that you have always dreamed about.
Manage your stress or uneasiness with change by engaging in stress-reducing activities. There are a number of tactics that will help you manage your stress and uneasiness with the changes that are taking place around you. Part of the trick is simply accepting this change, but trying to come to grips with it and find inner peace and self-fulfillment.
Stay busy! If you’re going through a period in your life when change is negatively impacting you, make yourself busy. Making yourself busy, by working, producing something, engaging socially with others, will do more than just distract you – it will help you contribute to changing your life positively for the future.[8]- Making yourself busy will help you move on and think about other aspects of your life.
- Making yourself busy might open new opportunities for you.
- Find a new hobby. Try something you've never done before! Finding pleasure in a new activity will help you enjoy life after the change. You will be glad you took the chance!
Talk it out. Talk to people about how the change unsettles you. Your friends and loved ones might sympathize or have different ideas about the consequences of the change that is unsettling you. If you talk to them, they might provide perspective that will alter your view of change and help you accept it.- Another outcome might be that you find that others are as distressed as you when it comes to change. Knowing that others are in a similar situation might just give you the strength and gumption to accept change and move on.
Create a list of life goals for yourself. An important part of accepting change is finding a way to move on and think about your future. By looking ahead and looking to the future, you’ll be able to better deal with the past and accept it as something that had to happen for you to move forward. Think about:[9]- Getting a better job.
- Exercising and becoming healthier.
- Traveling and seeing new places.
Try to build a better world. Accept the change that makes you uncomfortable, and determine that you’re going to try to use your energies to make an even better world. In this way, you’re accepting change but also turning it upside down and using it to fuel what you think is positive change. Consider these techniques:[10]- Volunteering for a cause that you think is important.
- Helping someone in need that you know.
- Adopting a homeless pet.
Expert Q&A
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Tips
References
- ↑ https://hbr.org/2012/09/ten-reasons-people-resist-chang
- ↑ https://career.uconn.edu/blog/2015/09/01/change-is-inevitable-growth-is-optional/
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-ways-to-boost-optimism#1
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201504/7-scientifically-proven-benefits-gratitude
- ↑ https://au.reachout.com/articles/7-tips-for-dealing-with-change
- ↑ https://hbr.org/2016/09/how-to-get-better-at-dealing-with-change
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-power-prime/201201/personal-growth-motivation-the-drive-change
- ↑ https://www.psycom.net/dealing-with-change
- ↑ https://hbr.org/2016/09/how-to-get-better-at-dealing-with-change
About This Article
Dealing with change can be tough, but accepting that it’s a normal part of life can help you grow as a person and get used to new things that happen. Express the feelings you have about the change in a healthy way, since bottling up your emotions won’t help you move on. For example, take time to grieve if you’ve lost a loved one or feel disappointed if you’ve lost your job. Try to find something positive about your new situation to help you move forward. This could be that you have a chance to change careers after losing your job, or that your family comes closer together after mourning the death of a relative. If the change you’re experiencing is causing stress, practice yoga or meditation to combat this. You can also do something to bring about positive change for you or someone else, like volunteering for a cause you believe in or adopting a pet. That way, you’ll see how change can also be a positive development rather than just something that negatively affects you. For tips from our co-author on how to talk to others about your fear of change, keep reading!
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